The Power of Closer
by Without permission
Summary: Finn slowly notices a change in his feelings for Kurt after a weird band session and freaks out. Unfortunately, Kurt has moved on, at least Finn believes so. Finn/Rachel eventual Finn/Sam eventual Finn/Kurt and Sam/Mike bottom!Finn
1. Powerman 5000 and Swing

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

Summary: Finn notices a change in his feelings for Kurt after a weird band session and freaks out. Unfortunately, Kurt has moved on, at least Finn believes so. Finn/Rachel eventual Finn/Sam eventual Finn/Kurt Sam/Mike oh and bottom!Finn

A/N: This is my first Glee fic so…my characterizations won't be spot on. Actually, they're way off the spot. I wrote this fic with the mindset of completely messing around with the characters, not just Finn and Kurt. So far each chapter is inspired by random music I've been listening to. Also, this fic takes place after the Rocky Horror episode, all future episodes are ignored in order for this fic to work.

Enjoy the read!

...

Chapter One

Of Powerman 5000 and A Little Bit of Swing

...

He wasn't sure how it all led to this, but he still couldn't get over how weird the current scene before him was.

It was after school when Mr. Schue suggested they take a break from glee practices, and have a jam session to cool off their nerves from the upcoming nationals. Normally this wouldn't be unusual for anyone; they often did this when the stress was high. Some would go to the auditorium and belt out their frustrations, and others like him and Puck would stick around in the classroom and play a few songs off the drums and guitar. Sam was the newest addition to their little sessions, but that wasn't unexpected.

What was really unexpected, impossible, and outright otherworldly was his girlfriend standing by Kurt and Sam donning a Les Paul. The guitar wasn't the weird part; Artie often brought his guitars to glee club through careful smuggling to protect them from Azimio and his gang. What was weird was that Rachel was going to play it.

He had no idea she could play guitar.

Really.

…Should he have?

Maybe she was in one of those moods where she felt she had to impress someone, and ultimately failed or succeeded. Finn really hoped she'd succeed. Dealing with an emotional and embarrassed Rachel was _not_ fun times.

"So…what are we playing?" Puck tried not to look pointedly to glee's two drama queens, but the problem with trying was that for a person like Puck, you'd usually fail.

He couldn't help himself. Watching her hold Artie's precious Les Paul was terrifying. "Can you...play guitar?" did that sound bad? He hoped it didn't. He'd never hear the end of it…

His wonderful-beautiful-oh-she's-so-pretty girlfriend turned to him with a smile. That's a good sign right? "I'm somewhat decent, Sam's been teaching me, I wanted to expand my artistic abilities to musical instruments in order to really flesh out my resume when I try out for colleges."

That made sense in a Rachel Berry way.

"Oh."

Suddenly she looked hot holding that Les Paul.

Wait a minute.

"Sam taught you? Why didn't you tell me? Or you dude?" he turned to the sheepish blond, images of his girlfriend and another guy meeting behind his back making him jump to conclusions.

"She wanted to keep it a secret," he shrugged, taking a careful step away from the drummer.

"I wanted to surprise you," Rachel added sweetly. "Now I can have jam sessions with you!"

So there was an ulterior motive. That was so like her too…

"Oh," he settled down, quickly forgiving her. It was Rachel, she does things like this. She wasn't the type to cheat on him either.

There was that one time with Puck, even though they weren't together at the time.

And that other time with the music video…

He eyed Sam furtively. The guy wasn't the type to steal a friend's girl right?

Feeling eyes boring into his neck, Sam turned to him and gave him a somewhat flat 'this is awkward' smile. Yeah, Sam wasn't like Puck…

"What are we playing?" Puck repeated little irritably, "my shift starts in a few hours, and I wanna grab lunch before I go." He eyed Kurt suspiciously, "Better not be some girly Taylor Swift song."

Kurt rolled his eyes, walking up to the mic stand. "Fortunately for you, I just want to vent a little bit of anger that I'm sure would be more fitting with a rock song," he looked at the three confused teens a little shyly, a light blush tinting his cheeks. "Are you familiar with Powerman 5000?"

Sam and Rachel nodded while Puck and Finn shared a look of confusion. "The weird guy with the spiky hair and robot costumes?" Puck hazarded.

"Yes," Kurt said dully, "I'm guessing you've never heard of their music?"

"I've heard some of their stuff," Finn defended, "I just don't know the names…and I didn't know you listened to them."

"Only when I'm frustrated enough," Kurt shrugged, "Rachel was the one to introduce me to their music, actually."

"His fault," she pointed to Sam when Finn and Puck turned to her, "most of the songs I learned on guitar are Powerman 5000."

Sam turned red, "I like playing their music…and Limp Bizkit…"

Finn turned sharply to his girlfriend, "you can play Limp Bizkit?"

"Okay fine, Powerman 500 – 5000 – whatever!" Puck said, checking his watch, "what song?"

"Free?" Kurt suggested. Finn was about to say he didn't know that song, but the short teen caught him, "you said you heard some of their music, just play along in a steady beat, you'll catch on quickly, and Puck…" he eyed him hesitantly, "just play along with whatever you feel is right, we're not performing in front of an audience anyway." He nodded to Rachel who was busily adjusting her strings.

And this was where Finn's hell began.

Sam and Rachel started off with a hard riff, a pause, another riff in a lower note, a pause and then another lower riff. It was repeated several times. Finn got himself into beat pretty quickly and joined in, faintly recognizing the song. Even Puck invented a few bass notes on the pauses.

He listened closely to the music jumping off the guitars and suddenly Kurt shouted, "let's go!" It startled the drummer into looking at his direction, almost losing his rhythm. Kurt merely nodded to the music, not realizing he made someone almost fuck up.

Biting his tongue in concentration, Finn refocused as Rachel changed the rhythm to a more constant wave of notes. He almost messed up again. He never knew how good a chick looked with a guitar. She may have been in the 'grandma' clothes, but with the Les Paul in her hands she was a completely different person. Like a punk girl with a granny style, but at a higher level of awesome.

And the way her fingers slid over the neck of the guitar. Her brows knitted, eyes half lidded…and the way she'd occasionally bit her lip in an effort not to miss a note. She wasn't really moving, but that posture…with her one foot tapping to the beat as her knee bumped rhythmically against the other…

"Everybody needs to start their own fire!"

He glanced to Kurt, surprise washing over his face. He was so used to the other teen's regular singing that this was a bit…different. He sounded manlier, if such a thing could be applied to Kurt.

The brunette clutched the mic stand, mouth so close to the microphone he was practically kissing it. "Everybody needs a riot of their own!"

As Kurt continued singing, Finn's eyes drifted back to his girlfriend. She was bending over a bit now, completely lost in the music. He had a very nice view of her ass and whether it was intentional of her or not, he missed a beat. The song lost it's somewhat strong rhythm for a second, but he quickly restored it, blushing redder than a tomato. Maybe it was a bad idea that Rachel played with them.

He realized there was an uncomfortable tightening in his pants.

Yep, it was definitely a bad idea.

"Living so free is a tragedy! When you can't..be what you want to be!"

Finn looked back at Kurt. Of course! He was the perfect distraction!

Rejuvenated, Finn kept his eyes on Kurt as he yelled out the lyrics with growing passion, one arm swinging and pointing to the phantom audience as if he were telling them off, his leg tapping in beat with the music.

Finn secretly sighed in relief as the tightening in his pants subsided. For a while things seemed to work fine, and he found himself relaxing and getting into the song. It was turning into just another fun jam session, and when it was over he'd take Rachel away on a date or something.

Then Sam and Rachel hit slower notes, quieting the song. Kurt held the mic stand as if it were a lover; running is hand slowly up and down the metal pole. There was something about the way his body arched into the mic stand with his tight shirt, and slim jeans that got Finn feeling weird.

It didn't last long. The song returned to its original pace and Kurt was rocking out again.

Pretty soon the song ended. Rachel beamed at Finn expectantly, but all he could do was give her a shocked look. It must have been satisfying because she hurried around the drum set and gave him a quick kiss.

Rachel and guitars. A dangerous combination, but too good to pass up.

"You should do this more often," he said as Rachel took off the Les Paul. Her smile widened, and she almost dropped the guitar.

"Dude I've never heard you sing like that," Sam said, completely dumbfounded. Kurt gave a small smile and went to the nearby chair for his jacket.

"Definitely better than the creepy country thing you did last time," Puck muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Thank you," Kurt nodded in agreement, "but as fun as that was, I've got all my aggression out. My preferred singing style is the one you're all used to hearing, I'm not changing it anytime soon," he looked at his watch as he slipped his jacket on. "I have to go make dinner for dad," he mumbled before looking up, leaving the classroom, "see you all tomorrow for practice!"

A pregnant silence followed his exit. They hadn't expected him to rush out so quickly. No one but Rachel really moved to put away the equipment and pack their things up.

"Is it just me, or did Kurt seem kind of cool when he was singing that song," Puck said aloud. Sam and Finn glanced at one another.

Yes. He kind of really did.

Rachel turned to them indignantly, "what about me?"

...

After a romantic trip to the mall, buying Rachel whatever she wanted to prove that she was the most stupendous woman in the world and that she really was an awesome guitarist, Finn finally got home around seven in the evening. He was tired, there was homework to be done, and he was starving.

His mother and Burt looked up from the TV as he passed the living room. They were cuddled up in the sofa under a knitted blanket watching some family feud show. After much contemplation between the two adults, and a thorough renovation on one of the unused rooms, Finn and his mother moved back into the Hummel residence. Burt was still a bit guarded around Finn when the subject or presence of Kurt came up, but things seemed to be flowing better than they had the first time the Hudson's moved in.

He waved a hello at them, not pausing in his trek to the kitchen.

What was he hungry for? A hot pocket? Grilled cheese? What?

There was a plate of rice and chicken in the microwave. That was easy.

Not two seconds after he opened the microwave door that his mother's voice called from the living room.

"Eat at the table! I don't want to find pests in your room!"

Finn froze at the door and returned to the table, not having the energy to argue. He was hungry, wherever he ate didn't matter as long as the food got in his stomach. He dumped his bag on the bag on the floor and flopped on the nearest chair. A home cooked meal…man this was going to be good.

He started on the chicken, so lost in finally eating that he didn't notice the distant singing at first.

_"Makes no difference if that rhythm's sweet or hot…"_

_"You're aiming too high, try this one…"_

Finn twisted around to the door that led to the basement. Normally he would hear Kurt's singing, he was a perfectionist, and it had taken Finn a while to get used to the constant yammering. The one thing he was grateful for was that his room was far away from the basement, so if Kurt sang well into the midnight in the dead silence, he couldn't hear him.

Whoever was singing now, was definitely not Kurt. It sounded like someone hitting puberty.

Carole entered the kitchen with the intent on getting a glass of water. Her son turned to her about to ask something, but she already figured it out.

"Kurt brought a friend over to help his singing," she explained. Finn still looked confused. "It's one of your friends from glee club, his name's…Mike?"

"Mike?" he repeated with raised eyebrows. Mike was downstairs taking singing lessons from Kurt?

Yes, that made sense. Mike was a terrible singer and who better to teach him than Kurt? Because Finn would have been a shit teacher if the tall teen had asked him.

_"Channel that confidence from your dancing…"_

_"It don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing…"_

Finn and Carole raised their eyebrows. That was a huge improvement. His mother smiled and went to grab a glass of water.

"He's gotten a lot better," she said with a hint of relief, "he's been here since four and he hasn't had any improvement until now. Kurt's a good teacher!" She filled the glass with water and turned to leave the kitchen, "wash your plate when you're done, sweety."

_"Don't mean a thing, all you gotta do is sing…"_

Taking a final glance at the door to the basement, Finn returned to his dinner.

...

It didn't strike Finn until the next glee club meeting that Mike could have gone to Tina to help him with his singing. She'd been helping him with his confidence so far, and that duet they did was pretty cool, plus wasn't she his girlfriend or something? Finn thought she'd be a little pissed when she found out her boyfriend went to Kurt for advice instead of her, but when Mike stood up in front of the class and belted out the famous swing song she was the loudest one clapping.

"How…?" Rachel frowned next to him as she clapped with the rest of the group. The blushing Asian rubbed the back of his head and gave an awkward bow before going back to his seat. Mr. Schue clapped him on the shoulder, completely impressed.

"Kurt was helping him out yesterday," Finn explained, a little amused at the threatened look on his girlfriend's face. He mentally hoped she wouldn't start tricking Mike into believing club meetings were being held at mine fields or something.

"Oh…well…he did a good job," she shrugged, failing to sound genuinely happy for the boy.

Smiling, Finny kissed her on the cheek, "you're still the best singer, don't worry."

He'd never admit it, but he couldn't help but feel a little threatened as well as he watched Mike sit by Kurt to thank him. Maybe Rachel was rubbing off on him.

TBC


	2. Advice and More of that Swing

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or The Pillows music

Chapter Two

Advice and More of That Swing

There was a time when if you'd tell Finn that Kurt was into rock, punk, metal, and whatnot, he would laugh and shake his head. Since the day he met him, Finn already knew that Kurt was the type who'd go crazy over the latest Broadway shows, pop songs, or classics from the world greats like Liza, Ella, Sinatra, all those types of entertainers. To Finn, Kurt was the definition of Broadway.

The same was held for Rachel.

But if you told Finn now that Kurt's latest interests were several genres of rock, he'd be unsure whether to laugh or take it into serious consideration. The reason for this was mainly because of the mind boggling jam session with his girlfriend and the short teen. What the hell was going on! Powerman 5000! What!

They never returned since that day, reverting back to their preferred styles, though Finn had watched Rachel play the guitar a few times in her room. She was getting better. Her fingers were much faster and there was a calming sense in the way she played. On acoustic at least.

What boggled him the most was that he never heard Kurt listen to or even sing a rock song before or after the Powerman 5000 session. He lived with the guy, he heard _nothing!_

Finn was beginning to think that the rock thing was a figment of his imagination. He really started believing it until one Saturday morning a loud raucous scared him into spilling his orange juice during breakfast.

Burt was working in the garage, and his mother had gone to visit a friend. Kurt was nowhere to be found so Finn figured he was either still asleep or out with Mercedes or something.

Suddenly a guitar riff rumbled from behind the basement door. Drums followed in beat with the rhythm, giving Finn the impression of a giant stomping towards him. A bass joined in and changed the rhythm to something slightly danceable but still intimidating.

Finn hurried to clean up the table before the juice spilled over the floor. The music kept thundering, enticing his curiosity. Once the table was wiped, he went to the basement.

As soon as he opened the door a wave of musical explosion burst past him like a gust of wind, blasting against his ears and echoing throughout the house. At the risk of going deaf, Finn went down the stairs.

"You easily get angry over trifles!"

That was a strange voice. It was taunting and slightly nasal. As the bedroom came into view, Finn spotted Kurt standing by the stairs but with his back him, he was clutching a mic stand and singing to a karaoke of some song Finn couldn't recognize.

The fuck?

The further down he got, the more he felt like he was stepping into another universe. He kneeled a little bit to get a scope of Kurt's room. There was no one but the short teen around, and nothing seemed out of place except for the singer uncharacteristically belting out a punk song.

"I want to see you again someday! Oooh!" Kurt clutched the mic stand, body pin straight against the pole, trembling with the beat of the music. "So leave me alone! Away with you! Oooh – Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" he practically screamed, head banging to the music.

Finn had no idea what he was singing; Kurt's voice was melding with the riffs of the guitars and the pounding of the drums. It felt very much like some punk band straight out of the past. It was nice but…so freaking weird.

Kurt and punk…rock…whatever this was. How did that even go in a sentence together!

"I don't dislike you, but I don't make friends!"

And apparently his singing was a lot broader than Finn originally thought. Won't growling like that ruin his voice?

He sat by the stairs, engulfed in watching his 'almost brother' play the strange song. Maybe it was an original. It definitely wasn't something he even distantly heard.

It was still an odd sight.

The song ended with a dry 'Thank you', Kurt relaxed and ran a hand through his neatly combed hair. Finn scrambled as quietly as he could to leave, knowing the other boy would freak out if he knew he was being watched.

Luckily Kurt didn't turn around; he picked up a remote from a nearby chair and pressed a button towards his stereo. A Beyonce song came up, but it wasn't a karaoke. Kurt put his mic aside and proceeded to do some stretch routines.

Finn re-entered the kitchen feeling a little numb.

Work wasn't for another two hours, but he left early anyway. Witnessing Kurt rocking out to a punk song for the second time in his life, this was definitely a dream. Or nightmare.

...

He wasn't sure what it was, but when he entered the classroom that held glee meetings Monday afternoon, he felt that something had changed.

Before, Kurt, Mercedes, and Quinn would sit together and talk amongst themselves on random things like gossip, fashion, or whatever came up. Mike and Tina would sit together far from Artie, whispering to each other. Santana and Brittany were attached at the hip wherever they went, so wherever one sat, the other was there. Artie would always be at the front at a corner with Rachel and Finn sometimes next to him. Sam would be by Quinn, and Puck would be either by Finn or whatever girl grabbed his interest.

Today was…different.

Kurt and Mercedes were sitting together at the front of the bleachers, that much was normal, except Quinn wasn't with them; she was on the other side chatting with Rachel. An oddity in itself. Tina and Artie were sitting next to each other, having what was probably the most awkward conversation of their lives, and above Tina, Mike and Sam were exchanging jokes and stories. Santana, Brittany, and Puck hadn't arrived yet.

Trying not to make a fuss over the new seating arrangement, Finn went to sit down next to Rachel, which also made him sit next to Kurt. Finn usually chose to sit either a row above or below Kurt or with someone between them. It wasn't from the discomfort of his 'almost-brother's' sexuality, it was because he knew Kurt liked him. Even with a girl, if Finn didn't like them, he tended to put as much distance as possible from them in order to avoid any uncomfortable situations. Kurt was no different than those girls.

Also, he was still a little weirded out about the other day when he saw Kurt singing that bizarre song. Not that it was a bad thing; he simply had no idea what kind of person Kurt was anymore. Today it seemed the boy was the Kurt Finn had always known. Flamboyant, fashion conscious, and an intellectual chatter box.

Which enforced Finn's earlier discomfort at the idea of sitting next to the guy who obviously had a crush on him.

He knew that at some point in this now frightfully long glee meeting Kurt would secretly try to move closer to him enough to brush their arms or legs against each other.

Said boy gave him one glance as he approached him and sat down. Without losing beat of the conversation he was having with Mercedes he turned back to his friend as if nothing happened.

Finn knew that trick; Quinn had pulled it on him when they first met. That look of disinterest. Any minute now Kurt would try pulling him into whatever he was talking to Mercedes about.

He grabbed Rachel's hand and kissed her on the cheek, making it a point that no, he wouldn't be interested in talking about fashion and gossip with Kurt and Mercedes.

Mr. Schue entered the classroom with a stack of songs followed by the three stragglers who moved to the top bleachers. He planned on using a few oldies and give them a new style. Finn looked at the songs handed to him.

Wow. Mr. Schue was going way back. He kind of recognized Duke Ellington, but who the hell was Cab Calloway?

"I would like to take the Duke Ellington song," both Kurt and Rachel said in unison. Finn stiffened as they exchanged glares from either side of him. He really chose to sit in the wrong spot.

"I guess it's the usual duel," Mr. Schue said with a grin. He'd been expecting this. The two teens set their jaws, ready to take on the other.

This was a good distraction for Kurt. Now he wouldn't try to flirt with him what with the duel for the song on his mind.

Finn secretly sighed in relief.

...

He was in her room again, with all its girly décor, neatly made bed, and little trophies from past talent competitions from elementary and middle school. It was a bright room brimming with pride and self assurance, and he had the owner of such a room on her bed, kissing her with every bit of love she accepted and returned.

They had intended to help her practice for her battle against Kurt, but he couldn't help himself. After seeing her play the guitar she became ten times hotter in his eyes, and being with her alone in her room with the door shut… he was a teenager, he had needs!

Of course all his excitement fell apart when Rachel stopped his hand from travelling up her skirt.

"No," she said breathlessly, "my parents might come in. I want it be special."

He was so shattered he almost pouted. Instead he nodded and returned to kissing her. This was as much as they could do for now.

And for now, he'd have to continue thinking of the mailman to keeping from pouncing his girlfriend.

...

He arrived home late, and received a scolding from his mother. He honestly didn't mean to get back a half hour towards midnight, but between making out with Rachel and helping her practice for the song, he lost track of time.

And he was starving.

After his mother went upstairs once she grounded him for a week he trudged to the kitchen and made himself a sandwich. It would be the ultimate of all sandwiches. Mayonnaise, lettuce, tomatoes, ham, turkey, cheddar, swiss cheese, he even had the appetite to add black olives, which he normally wasn't very fond of.

By the time he settled down to take the first bite of his delicious sandwich he heard it.

_"Give that rhythm everything you've got!"_

That was the Kurt he knew. The self titled future star of Broadway who constantly sang and listened to classics and pop songs as if it were a religion, and not the rocker who sang to Powerman 5000 and obscure punk bands. Finn bit into his sandwich, confident that his girlfriend would win the duel.

All of the sudden of furious flurry of scat singing pierced through his ears like a wake-up call. Some of the contents of his sandwich spilled on his plate from his loosened grip.

Rachel had kept to the traditional lyrics of the song, like she had with her previous solos. She was wonderful at it, but she'd forgotten that the fun of the song was the random scat singing Ella Fitzgerald's version was so famous for. Kurt had definitely not forgotten.

Finn slowly looked at the door to Kurt's room, completely stunned that a human being could push out such a breathless flood of melodic gibberish.

He hated to admit it. But Rachel was in trouble.

TBC


	3. The Power of Closer

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Nine Inch Nails's music

A/N: sorry, some straight prons up ahead

Chapter Three

The Power of Closer

He texted Rachel about Kurt's secret weapon, feeling a little guilty at possibly ruining the other boy's chances at getting the solo. However, if he didn't text her, she'd blame him for not warning her about Kurt's brilliant scat singing since he lived with him and would obviously know about it.

Yes, if he thought about it that way, his conscience was clear.

He was still sitting nervously among the club members as Rachel and Kurt prepared to duke it out. When Mr. Schue arrived, though, he came out with a fast one.

"Mike I really liked your version of It Don't Mean a Thing," he said, looking to the startled teen. Finn looked from Mike to Mr. Schue, to the two competitors who now looked alarmed. "I completely forgot to tell you before that the whole reason for the swing jazz show we're putting on is because you've inspired it."

"Mr. Schue?" Rachel said in a forced calm tone, "I don't understand."

The Spanish teacher turned to her and noticed his comment came out wrong. "We're still having the duel, but after thinking more about it, Mike's version reminded me that there's never really been one good adaptation of It Don't Mean a Thing, they're all excellent! Which is why I'm thinking of changing the song from solo to maybe a duet, make it more fun." At the word 'duet' Rachel instantly looked to Finn who tensed, knowing she was about to claim the song for the both of them, "with Mike."

"What?" Mike sat up. He liked the praise, and even being called an inspiration, but after the whole thing with the Rocky Horror, he had more time to consider that maybe he wasn't quite ready for a lead role yet, and after seeing Mercedes in the fishnet stockings and heavy make-up he knew he wasn't brave enough to go that far.

"I know you wanted to be Frankenfurter for the last show, but trust me, there'll be nothing inappropriate in this show, you can have your chance now," Mr. Schue was right on that part, but he failed to notice Mike's growing wariness.

"Um…sure," he mumbled. Sam clapped him on the shoulder and Tina held his hand.

"You'll do fine," they both said in unison, surprising each other. Mike eyed the two oddly as Tina raised an eyebrow at Sam who just laughed and backed off in embarrassment.

"Well then," Mr. Schue clapped his hands, ending any further weak protests from Mike, "now that we have that settled, let's get to the duel! Kurt, heads or tails?" he pulled out a quarter from his pocket.

…

It was probably from driving home alone in heavy traffic that was to blame for Finn to pause and think back to what had been happening the past few days. Normally he would have stayed at Rachel's house for a bit, but after glee club she made a totally unnecessary and really cruel unfair rule to not stay at her place while they were getting ready for the swing show. She said he was a distraction that almost cost her to lose the duel against Kurt.

That duel…

That was the weirdest battle Finn had ever witnessed, and from the looks on everyone else including their teacher, they felt the same.

Rachel sang first. She had changed her style a little bit due to the warning he gave her earlier, and added a bit of guitar and scat enough the wow the audience. Finn was sure she'd win; he'd been listening to Kurt practice all night to know he didn't have anything up his sleeve to counter Rachel.

He'd forgotten how versatile the guy was when threatened at the last second. Kurt had no idea how to play the guitar, but he definitely knew how to play the piano. Rachel's guitar playing made him think of high-end jazzy restaurants or café's with poetic beatniks who snapped their fingers when they thought something was cool. Kurt's piano playing transported him to the swing/jazz era in a tiny underground bar with dancing and laughing patrons, clinking gin filled glass's, and Duke Ellington on stage working his magic on the piano as Ella Fitzgerald sang beside him effortlessly hitting high and low notes.

To be able to do that to someone who knew nothing about swing… Finn knew Kurt won. Rachel knew Kurt won. Everyone knew Kurt won.

Then Mr. Schue did something unexpected. Again.

He pulled Mike down and made him sing the song again with the two competitors, not as a duo, but as a trio.

It was an explosion of modern versus classical. Kurt had stayed with the piano, but Rachel pulled out the Les Paul, much to Artie's terror. Mike, not wanting to be left behind, whipped out some crazy fusion of break dancing and Lindy Hop, though he wasn't aware at the time that the latter was already a form of dance, he just made it up.

Strangely this wasn't what stunned everyone.

It was faint at first because it was unavoidable in the lyrics, but it soon branched out to improv when Rachel's competitive spirit couldn't hold back anymore. It turned into an all out scat singing war.

And it got everyone to dance.

Maybe it was intentional what Mr. Schue did. He mentioned that swing was all about having fun and letting your feet sing. Kurt provided the classical point of the song, while Rachel provided the modern, and Mike provided a fusion of both through entertainment.

It was a strange trio, yet it made sense. They made Finn dance, which was an extreme rarity, so he knew they were good.

It was still weird though…

But if Rachel was going to tote around the Les Paul again, he was all for it.

The cars ahead finally started moving a little. Sighing, Finn inched forward as well. There must have been an accident up ahead. It was a good thing Kurt took his own car for home, otherwise he'd be running his mouth off, criticizing Finn missing opportunities of cutting people behind him or something. Not that Finn wouldn't do the same if Kurt were the driver.

They had tried driving together to school once. Never again.

Kurt told Finn he daydreamed too much and almost got them killed ten times in the time it took them to get from home to school. On the drive back Finn complained that Kurt was too worried over ruining the car's paint job that he drove slower than his grandma.

So yeah. Never again.

He frowned as he changed lanes, hoping the new one was faster. It was just as slow. He hated that. One lane looks fast, but as soon as you switch, the lane you were on before starts moving faster than the one you switched to.

The house was only ten minutes away too. He leaned back in his seat and picked up his bag of chips. Dinner wasn't for another two hours, but he was starving.

Someone honked their horn next to him, their music blaring out. It was a Powerman 5000 song. Ever since Kurt sang that one song, he heard them everywhere.

_"Nobody's real but they're willing to let you know! Nobody's real but they'll feel it tonight!"_

Finn really couldn't understand why Kurt saw the appeal to the band. They weren't Broadway, or pop, or even jazz. Maybe he was going through a phase. Or Sam was teaching him how to sing rock songs…

Sam. He was definitely something out of left field teaching his girlfriend guitar. It was kind of amazing how the new kid easily fit in with glee.

Finn refused to admit it, but he was starting to feel a little left out.

…

After an hour of squeezing through traffic and oogling at the massive truck turned sideways, Finn finally made it home to a worried mother who had seen the accident earlier. Apparently it happened around the time he should have been on his way home. Luckily for him he made a stop at the nearest market for some junk food because his stomach demanded it.

So if he hadn't been a selfish pig he wouldn't be oogling the accident, he would have _been_ the accident. Lucky he was such a glutton then…

Kurt arrived scot free too, having taken a faster route home to practice It Don't Mean a Thing. The smart little…

Finn was still amazed of his sheer luck when his mother called from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Thoughts on the accident erased at the prospect of food, Finn was halfway out of the living room when she called back asking that he get Kurt too.

Damn it.

He dragged his feet to the basement door, hearing a faint sound coming from the inside. Great, he was probably listening to Powerman 5000 or some other random rock band.

As he walked down the stairs he realized the music wasn't from the aforementioned band, nor any other possible bands Kurt could currently be into.

"Help me; it's your sex I can smell."

The music was coming from the stereo, though the original singer was muted out, it was a karaoke again. The singer was in the middle of the room, clinging to the mic stand as if it were a lover, running his hands up and down the black pole, his body slowly grinding against it in a strangely incredibly masculine way. His back was to him, unaware that he had an audience. It was déjà vu all over again.

Finn was really glad it was him who walked in and not Burt or his mother, because if it was either of them, they would have had a heart attack. And they didn't need another scare like that again...

"Help me become somebody else, I wanna fuck you like an animal," Kurt gripped the mic suddenly, pulling the mic closer to him, "I wanna feel you from the inside," he slid his body slowly up and down the pole. "I wanna fuck you like an animal!"

Finn cleared his throat loudly, but it was drowned out by the music. He tried again, and it was drowned once more.

"Kurt!" he yelled, leaning over the railing. The other teen jolted and whipped around, complete horror written all over his pale features. He fumbled around for the remote in his pocket and quickly shut off the stereo. "Uh…dinner's ready…" Finn said lamely.

"Oh…um…" Kurt busily straightened up his clothes, blindly tossing his remote to the general direction of his bed. "Okay, I'll be there in a minute."

Knowing he overstayed his welcome, Finn hesitantly left the basement, not quite sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him, and if what he just witnessed actually happened and he wasn't imagining things.

Whatever it was, it made him feel really dirty.

...

He avoided Kurt the next day. After thinking about it all night, he came to conclusion that what happened yesterday was another ploy to seduce him. It had to be. First Kurt sets their parents up to get close to him, then he does all these little things like redecorate their room, strike up random conversations, and now seduce him with a song! Didn't he make it clear to Kurt that he wasn't interested!

Of course, he didn't realize until glee club that Kurt was avoiding him as well. He didn't look him in the eye, and even moved the farthest from him in the bleachers. Now Finn just felt like an ass.

"All right with It Don't Mean a Thing set up, how about we practice Minnie the Moocher," Mr. Schue announced. Finn forgot. They hadn't really set up anything for the other songs what with the whole big thing surrounding Rachel and Kurt's battle.

"I'd like to do it, Mr. Schue," Mercedes raised her hand. Nodding, he waved for her to come up front.

Everything seemed to be going well as they practiced each song until Mr. Schue assigned Peggy Lee's Fever to Quinn. Rachel had been eyeing that song. It was a repeat of what happened with Tina, but unlike last time, she didn't explode and leave with a slam of the door. She calmed down and listened to Mr. Schue's reasons for why he chose Quinn. It was a surprise, but she backed down and accepted the other song he wanted her to sing, La Vie en Rose.

She'd grown in the past year, Finn noticed. He smiled when she joined him to practice one of the songs. When the rule of not staying at her place was lifted, he was going to shower her with as much love as he could muster.

...

"I'm not going to tell anyone what happened last night," Finn sighed. Their parents had gone out on a movie date. Kurt and Finn had been in the kitchen serving themselves the food Carole had prepared. All the while Kurt was keeping as far away from him as possible, which was a feat seeing as there wasn't much distance to go from the stove.

Kurt winced, a light blush on his cheeks. "I know," he mumbled. "It's just…embarrassing…"

"That you were dry humping the mic stand?" Finn blurted, gaining a sharp glare from the other teen. "What? What else do you want me to say? It's what I saw, no big deal. At least you weren't naked or something, and it was lucky I walked in and not Burt or my mom."

Kurt looked at him in horror, "yes it was lucky," he quietly piled some salad on his plate, "but I was just taking a break from all those swing songs – I don't do that all the time."

"To be honest I was just shocked you listen to Nine Inch Nails," he moved his plate to the counter and went to grab a glass of Pepsi. "The Powerman 5000 is one thing, but…now you're just weirding me out with all this rock stuff, I feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something."

Then it hit him. It made sense that Rachel chose to play the guitar as a way of beefing up her resume, but it was also to impress Finn. He knew that now, that's why she wanted it to be a surprise for him the day of that jam session. And she certainly succeeded in upping his attraction for her.

Kurt might have been doing the same thing. Finn's earlier theory that his Closer performance was a ploy in seducing him fit in this as well. Finn preferred rock over the girly pop music glee had been singing, he even talked to Mr. Schue about it. Kurt was trying to get to him through rock music!

Shit. What should he do? Didn't he make it clear enough that he wasn't interested? Why the hell was Kurt being so persistent!

"Finn!" Kurt shouted, running to grab a handful of napkins, "you're wasting the soda, and it's not even going in your cup!"

Shaking his head, Finn looked down at his cup and realized that for the past minute he'd been serving the counter and the floor Pepsi. Swearing under his breath, he took the napkins handed to him and started wiping the mess.

Kurt joined him on the floor as soon as the counter was cleaned and their hands brushed for a millisecond. Finn jumped back in surprise. He mentally cursed himself, now Kurt was going to accuse him of being homophobic again.

"What?" he looked up at Finn, completely confused. With the panicked look on the guy's face, Kurt tried and failed to keep a straight face, "did you just slip or something?"

Huh? Finn almost frowned before realizing this was a perfect opportunity to play off his reaction. "Shut up," he managed to honestly look embarrassed.

"Clutz," Kurt laughed. Finn relaxed, and they continued to clean the floor.

...

Dinner was uneventful, quiet, and quick. After the soda spill Finn had relaxed, knowing that Kurt wasn't going to pull anything on him. He hadn't anyway, now that he thought about it. Maybe he was genuinely interested in rock, and not doing it to win his favor.

Finn went on to a second helping of dinner after Kurt finished and washed the dishes. He couldn't understand why the boy wouldn't help himself to a second serving of food; his mother's cooking was delicious!

Instead Kurt went downstairs and started practicing the music for glee. No Nine Inch Nails, or any other rock song interrupted his practice. Finn was relieved; he didn't think he could take another lewd performance like the one from last night.

After dumping his plate in the sink he went to his room, mind set on a nice hot shower.

With the rule Rachel had put up, it left Finn frustrated with not having any coupling time with her. They kissed a little bit in school, and in his car, but it wasn't enough, and she was incredibly stubborn.

So he had to settle with satisfying his frustrations in the shower. Albeit, he hadn't thought of doing _that_ when he stepped into the bath tub, he really just wanted to shower, do some homework, play a few video games, and go to sleep. Rachel had given in a little today when he drove her home. They took a detour to the park and had some fun, he was satisfied.

He was in the middle of scrubbing soap over his chest when he recalled her hands exploring his stomach, his back, his chest…her lips on his neck…

Finn shut his eyes, vividly recalling everything they did at the park, and everything he wished they did. She wanted it to be special, in a place with no potential interruptions, when they were both sure, and when they were on a bed and not in a car.

He wanted it to be special too, his moment with Santana taught him that, but when all the blood rushed south leaving nothing north, he wanted it now, wherever they were. He couldn't understand how Rachel could keep her sanity when they were both so close to doing it.

Maybe that's why he had a raging hard on now. Rachel may have satisfied him today, but it wasn't enough.

He sighed, he wasn't planning on doing this, but whatever, it was there and it needed attention. He thought back to the fantasies that developed ever since his girlfriend held the Les Paul.

_She was playing Closer, hips swinging to the beat. He hugged her from behind, sneaking a hand up her shirt to grab a soft round breast. She wasn't wearing a bra, and her nipples hardened under his touch. His other hand traveled down and pulled up her plaid skirt to finger the hot wetness between her legs. She wasn't wearing underwear either._

_She groaned, spreading her legs and grinding her perfectly round ass against his hardness. He latched on to her neck and suckled on the skin there…_

Biting his lip, Finn grabbed himself, eyes still shut in the fantasy. Soapy hands running over himself as ihe imagined Rachel would.

_He was inside her. Wet, burning, tight, and so good…_

He gripped himself more firmly, hips rolling into his hand as if he were really inside Rachel.

_His hands ran over her stomach. Slightly firm with developing muscles, but still soft and curvy. She moaned his name, begging for more. Harder. Faster._

He was close. Finn licked his lips and bit them again, knowing the only other person in the house was in the basement, but still afraid to make any noise despite the staccato of the shower being loud enough to hide any moan he'd let slip.

_Her hips were meeting his in their blind fervor to reach climax. Her mouth delectably parted, panting and crying out in ecstasy. She shuddered. He couldn't hold on anymore._

"Kurt…!"

Finn let out a stifled moan of surprise as he came, seed hitting the tiled wall. As he caught his breath from his climax he slowly came to realize what he said, or rather moaned.

His eyes widened in horror as he stood there in the tub, the only sound being his settling breaths and the loud pitiless shower raining over him.

TBC


	4. Michael

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Franz Ferdinand's music

Chapter Four

Michael

There was a perfectly logical reason why he called out his 'almost brother's' name while jerking off to fantasies of his girlfriend. Many reason's actually. The first being Kurt's recent behavior. The other being his frustrations about not being with Rachel. His subconscious must have been trying to get him to think of going _there_.And the third, the Closer performance Kurt gave him was stuck in his head whether he liked it or not.

It's not like he was thinking of fucking Kurt. The fantasy was solely about Rachel, he just called out his name by mistake. It was like shouting 'Jesus' when you've climaxed, not that he was comparing Kurt to God, it was just a simple mistake. Nothing to worry about.

"Finn?"

He looked down at his beautiful-wonderful-hot-sexy-all-his girlfriend. They were in the hallway by her locker in the middle of getting their books for the next class. He'd recently made it a habit of leaving his stuff in her locker so they wouldn't have to split to get their stuff, it was corny, but she was happy, and if she was happy, he was a happy.

"Huh?" he said smartly. He could tell Rachel had been expecting an answer to a question he never heard.

"Are you all right? You've been spacing out all morning," she knitted her perfectly shaped eyebrows worriedly, placing a hand on his arm.

"I'm fine," he leaned down and gave her a tender kiss.

All he did was say the wrong name. It was Rachel who occupied his head 24/7; there was nothing to worry about.

…

Coach Sylvester was extending practices for the Cheerios. Apparently she got into a fight with a neighboring school and declared a cheerleading battle against them. So now Santana, Brittany, Quinn, and Kurt were going to be late for glee practices. Mr. Schue wasn't having any of it.

The group watched the two adults argue as if they were observing a tennis match. This happened so many times that for the two teachers not to be fighting it meant something was wrong. So far, Sylvester was winning, which wasn't a surprise, she was never one to back down in a fight. Neither was Mr. Schue when it came to arguing with the stubborn woman. And whenever he'd lose he'd retaliate like a teenager, and she'd bite back like a teenager.

Finn wondered how these people weren't fired yet. Lima must have an incredibly limited supply of teachers.

Coach Sylvester left with a triumphant smirk. Of course she won. She always won no matter how wrong she was. Now Mr. Schue was either going to do something childish or go straight to Figgins. Finn was hoping for neither; he still didn't feel comfortable enough to be in the same room as Kurt.

He had no idea what he was going to do when he got home.

"Okay guys," Mr. Schue turned to them tiredly, "I guess we'll have to change our schedules again, Coach Sylvester's got the Cheerio's booked before and after school including lunch breaks, I don't know how she's going to get away with it…" he muttered the last part. He rubbed his eyes, "is everyone free during the weekend? I'll talk to Figgins about this first, but if worse comes to worse we may need to take up practices over the weekend, so…anyone?"

"Finn and I work on weekends," Puck shook his head.

"I just got a job at the mall," Mercedes pitched in.

"Right," Mr. Schue sighed, "well we can't really continue practices with half the group gone, we might have to push the show date a few more weeks until the Cheerios have got their stuff settled."

"How about we practice at home, film ourselves and show them to each other whenever we can to see how we're doing?" Rachel suggested instantly. At this the group grumbled and groaned in protest.

"I am _not _showing videos of myself to you," Mercedes huffed.

"Yeah, that's even more embarrassing than getting slushied in the face," Artie added uneasily, "I'll pass."

"I'll talk to Figgins," Mr. Schue waved for them to quiet, "this isn't settled until I get the final decision from the principal. Coach Sylvester's just doing whatever she wants. Again."

"My suggestion was still pretty good," Rachel muttered grumpily, crossing her arms. The meeting continued without any other complaints.

…

Finn knew he was a clueless guy. He usually found out important things at the last minute, such as tests that had been announced several times over the past week, or that his 'almost stepfather' had a heart attack and he didn't find out through the shell shocked 'almost brother', but through the gossip that swarmed the school. It was mainly because he daydreamed a lot and failed at detecting when a person was feeling up or down.

But he wasn't completely clueless. He noticed things. Just not things that were important enough to bring to the table. Or at least he considered important enough, which was probably the reason why he currently found himself in a dilemma that shouldn't have been one if he intervened earlier.

Maybe it was because he saw a little bit of himself in Sam that he initially worried about him so much. He admired his singing talents, and he was the new kid who needed some direction. He didn't want to see him get bullied right from the start of transferring to a new school, that just sucked.

So when Kurt tried to sing a duet with the blond, Finn felt it necessary to step in and save the guy. He was startled by Sam wanting to keep his promise to Kurt, but at least he saved him. He still had no idea what got Kurt to change his mind. Now Finn wasn't so sure how he was going to save him again.

It wasn't Kurt who initiated the advances this time, it was Mike. And he had no idea he was doing it.

Finn observed his two friends talking amicably by the stadium bleachers. They were in the middle of break from football practice after Coach Beiste got a call from Figgins. The druggie teacher, whatever her name was, was watching over them at the moment.

He turned from Sam and Mike, and sat down by Puck, who was lying on his back and looked to be taking a very comfortable power nap. Finn leaned back on his hands and frowned at the flag pole that just happened to be in his line of sight.

This had to have started the day of the weird seating arrangement. At first it seemed as if they became fast friends, which was good because Mike looked a little lonely without Matt, and even though Tina was there, she couldn't fill the hole Matt left behind as best friend.

It could be that by constantly being with his girlfriend Mike forgot how to act in front of a dude. It was a stupid thought, but Finn was taking it into consideration because of only one thing. Mike was never so touchy feely before.

He noticed it a few days ago. They were practicing on a song, and out of the corner of his eye he could see the two friends talking amongst themselves. Mike would occasionally pat Sam on the shoulder, or leave it there for quite a while. Plus they were standing so close Finn was surprised they weren't kissing already. Not to mention the strange looks he would give him, like he was mentally undressing him. Mike was never like this before.

What the hell was Tina doing to him?

He took another glance at Puck. There was no way he was going to confide in him.

The reason why Finn considered the Sam Mike thing a dilemma was because of this: Sam was completely clueless to Mike's unintentional advancements. This is just what happened with Kurt. Now, how was he going to tell Mike to stop without sounding like an idiot?

The problem was he had no idea.

…

He and Rachel were on their way to get to his car when a small hand grabbed his arm. By this time he wasn't really thinking about Sam and Mike. Rachel was with him, the only thing on his mind was another possible moment at the park.

Of course, all dirty thoughts vanished as soon as he saw Tina, and his earlier worries swam right back in.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she let go of his arm, a wise move considering Rachel's hawk like glare. Finn hesitated, nervously, turning to Rachel as if he needed her permission. "I'm not going to steal him from you or anything," Tina rolled her eyes.

"Then why can't you say it with me here then?" Rachel asked sweetly, though the look in her eye was anything but sweet.

"Because you have a big mouth," Tina said bluntly, effectively silencing the couple in surprise. Finn tried not to laugh, the girl had a point.

"I'll be back in a minute," he squeezed his girlfriend's hand before going off with the small girl farther into the parking lot. She seemed worried.

Once they were sure Rachel wasn't within hearing distance, and she was in their line of sight in case she'd sneak up on them, they relaxed. Or at least Tina did.

"So…" he stuffed his hands in his pockets, he rarely ever spoke to the girl, so he was already feeling awkward.

"You're one of Mike's friends," she started slowly, twiddling her fingers, "I was wondering if you've noticed anything weird about him lately."

"Like…" he mentally swore. He wasn't good at these kinds of things. If Tina had figured everything out, why did she have to go to him?

Why did Matt have to move?

"I'm just worried that…" she bit her lip and pulled a stray hair behind her ear, "well…it's stupid, but I think Sam might be…into him…" she mumbled the last bit; Finn had to lean over to catch it.

"Sam?" he blinked, he'd been seeing it the other way around. Wasn't Mike the one pulling the moves? He tried to see if Tina was kidding, but that worry in her eyes never left. "Um…" How to fix this…

"I know I can't be the kind of best friend Matt was to Mike," she was fiddling her fingers again. "But is it normal for guys to be so…touchy feely?"

There. She said it. It wasn't just him. Damn!

Tina looked up at Finn expectantly, but he was still trying to figure out what to say without sounding like an idiot, or risk breaking her up with Mike.

"Maybe I'm reading too into this," she sighed, "I mean, Sam came from an all boy's school, things are probably different there."

Was it? He almost asked. He was confused himself, but now he was sure that Mike's change in attitude wasn't Tina's fault. Something happened. "I can talk to him if you want…" though he really had no idea what he would say.

"No it's fine," she shook her head and took a deep calming breath, "I'll figure it out on my own, thanks though," she turned to leave.

Finn rubbed the back of his neck. This was the first time Tina was asking for his advice; he had to at least say something, not just stand there like a moron.

But she was already gone. He had no choice but to return to Rachel.

…

Tina must have done her job because in the two days after she asked Finn for his advice, which he didn't by the way, and he still felt stupid about that, Sam and Mike were no longer even talking. Actually, the two were on opposite sides of the bleachers. The seating arrangement returned to normal.

Unfortunately, Sam looked a little lonely. Finn tried not to look at him as he took his seat. Kurt, Quinn, Santana and Brittany entered the classroom. Mr. Schue had won his argument.

A hand grabbed his. He looked down at Rachel and returned the smile she gave him. Normally her smile would wipe away any uncertainties or worries weighing down on him, but this time it didn't work, and he couldn't for the life of him understand why.

…

He found him in the auditorium a few days after the seating arrangement returned to normal. He rarely ever went into the auditorium unlike a few other glee members unless it was for rehearsals or show times. The only reason Finn was there this time was because Rachel wasn't by the lockers after class, and after waiting for nearly twenty minutes he decided to look for her. She wasn't answering his texts and he was getting worried.

Rachel would usually be in the auditorium whenever this would happen. Though this time he had no idea why, nothing was bothering her at home or in school, and she'd always confide in him when something was troubling her. Unless, of course, she felt he didn't need to know…

So when he arrived at the auditorium expecting to find his girlfriend, he instead found Sam at center stage with one of glee's guitars blaring out a song he vaguely recognized. He took a quick inspection behind the curtains and away from Sam's line of sight. Finn concluded that Rachel was not in the auditorium. He turned to leave.

"Michael you're the only one I'd ever what, only one I'd ever want, only one I'd ever want!"

Finn froze. Yes he definitely recognized that song. Some of the girls and Kurt played it occasionally. He turned to Sam with wide eyes as he sang to the empty audience, his voice echoing throughout the auditorium.

"Beautiful boys on a beautiful dance floor, Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore!"

Should he stop him before someone caught him? Finn bit his bottom lip; nervously looking around for fear that anyone else was present. Just at that moment, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He fumbled around to get it.

It was Rachel.

_Go ahead without me, I need to do something first, sorry!_

He frowned. That wasn't like Rachel.

"This is what I am, I am a man, so come and dance with me Michael," Sam continued singing. Finn pocketed his phone and rushed out of the auditorium, his ears burning.

Sam liked Mike. That had to be what the song was about. Finn was pretty clueless about a lot of things, but he noticed some things every now and then. He wished this wasn't one of them.

TBC


	5. The iPod

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Peggy Lee's music

Happy Thanksgiving, and thanks to the peeps out there who put this story in their favs and alerts, I was worried the number of people reading this just clicked on it and instantly hit the back button lol XD

Chapter Five

The iPod

They were at the park again with his car hidden in a secluded area with lots of trees and shading. It was the weekend, and she had finally relented to going a little further. After being held back for so long, Finn was so happy he wasn't sure where to start. They were in the back of his car, making out, their hands and legs so entangled in each other he didn't know which part was whose.

Just that his hand was up her skirt and his mind was a mess of white noise.

His fantasies were starting to come true. Maybe one day they could finally go all the way. One day he'd be enveloped in her tight wet heat, he'd hear her moan his name, hold him close to her naked, sweaty, trembling body and…

And he'd better not say Kurt's name.

Finn jolted and pulled away from Rachel's hungry lips. He worked to catch his breath, mentally cursing himself for thinking of his 'almost brother' at the most inopportune moment of his life.

Rachel frowned dazedly up at him. "What's wrong?" she asked breathlessly.

He blinked through the fog in his head and looked down at the beautiful-perfect-heavenly girl beneath him. He smiled slightly, realizing how lucky he was to have such a girl. All thoughts of Kurt vanished as he leaned down to capture her lips again.

"Nothing," he whispered.

…

Mike had come over again when Finn came back home, Mercedes was there too. For a second Finn thought Mike was visiting to play a few video games, but the tall teen was actually over to rehearse his song with Kurt.

Everyone seemed to be getting really enthusiastic about the show except him. It was probably because he wasn't playing as big a role as he usually would, and he wasn't familiar or really that interested in the songs they were doing.

So when Kurt invited him to come down and practice, he declined and went straight to his room for a nap. He wasn't feeling up for practice anyway. He was irritated.

He had no idea why he was irritated.

Rachel was finally willing to go further, he should have been ecstatic. He touched what he could once only imagine in his dreams. What the fuck? He should be grinning like an idiot and dancing to the skies!

Finn turned over in his bed and buried his face in his pillow. Something was wrong. No guy would still be frustrated after doing what he did with his girlfriend at the park. What the hell was wrong with him?

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Finn jerked, almost falling off the edge of his bed. He looked to the door where Mercedes was standing with her arms crossed looking quite intimidating. He'd forgotten to lock his door.

"Wh-what?" he stumbled, shrinking under her deadly glare.

"We come over to practice for the show, but you blow us off," she replied angrily, though with a hint of concern, "you've been acting like this in all the rehearsals, are you gonna be like this on opening night?"

"N-no!" wow she was really scary, did this show mean that much to her? He sat up, not quite sure what to say except, "have I really been that bad?"

"Even Schue's noticed," she arched an eyebrow, "he's probably gonna talk to you before practice tomorrow. Says you're probably not as into this 'cause you're not the star this time."

"That's not – "

"I know," she waved him off impatiently, "that's more of a Rachel thing, no offense." Finn sighed, he couldn't argue there. Mercedes took some sympathy, and dropped the glare. "So what's bugging you? Even from all the pop stuff we've done you've never been so lazy."

What _was_ bugging him? He had a gorgeous-wonderful-hot girlfriend who he just went a little further with; for once he wasn't the star of glee's new show which took a load off him, his mother was happy with Burt, his grades were good, football was going great, everything was fine. So why wasn't he happy?

"I…" he frowned, desperately skimming through his mind for anything that could even slightly be troubling him. He wanted so badly to know what was wrong, why couldn't he figure it out? "I don't know."

Mercedes stepped into his room, she could tell he was having trouble, and she wasn't one to leave her friends wallow in it alone. "Are you even interested in the show?" He hesitantly shook his head, fearing her lashing out at him, but unwilling to lie. She would have caught him anyway. "Have you listened to the original music then?"

He froze, caught between saying yes and no. He heard the songs they'd been practicing, but he never made the effort to hear the originals, so he only knew them by the modernish interpretations glee had been making. Would Mercedes kill him if he said no?

She smacked her forehead and grabbed his hand, dragging him out of his room. "Come on, Kurt has all the songs on his iPod, you need some education."

All he could do was stumble after her, unable to protest or pull away. Then Mercedes would really kill him.

…

Kurt was someone who not only got first dibs on the latest fashions, but also someone who somehow manages to acquire the latest technology. He had several types of iPods ranging from the early original, to the Shuffle, the Nano, the Nano with the built in camera, the Touch, and now the Pad. Finn was still working to buy that last one and was unbelievably jealous Kurt already had it. So when Mercedes told him that Finn neglected to listen to the original songs for glee, the honorary girl had no problem with lending him one of his iPod's.

He just had to lend him his floweriest one too…

The three glee members stood before Finn as he sat on Kurt's couch with the headphones plugged in and the ipod on Glenn Miller's In the Mood. It wasn't one of the songs they would be doing for the show, but neither was most of the stuff on Kurt's playlist. He pulled up all the music he had plus more to give Finn a better scope of the era they were going to revive. He was tedious like that.

Seeing that Finn was going to seriously listen to the music, the three friends went on to rehearse their songs. Finn couldn't hear them over the drums and trumpets of In the Mood. He settled back in the couch with a small sigh, regretting ever telling Mercedes about not listening to the originals. He could be napping by now.

In the Mood dragged on to Sing Sing Sing, which went on to Minnie the Moocher, and on and on and on. By the time Billie Holiday's Summertime came on, he was starting to nod off.

No one bothered him, too caught up in their own thing. A few minutes of sleep wouldn't be bad would it?

Summertime drifted into the recesses of his mind, followed by the low thumps of drums and an indifferent bass that made him picture a curvy incredibly sexy woman in a diamond studded dress approaching him. Her fingers were snapping to the beat, plump kissable lips smirking, silky black hair waved out and resting over tan shoulders.

It was Rachel.

"Never know how much I love you," her low sultry voice sent chills up his spine. It was like honey sliding down his throat, and it was her voice alone that quietly took over the music echoing behind her.

But it couldn't be her voice.

It was too low to be her sweet straight pitched style. This felt raw and luxurious and velvety somehow. Finn couldn't think of the right word to describe it other than saucy. He heard this somewhere, but where?

She crawled over him, straddling his hips and throwing her arms around his neck. He held her loosely around the small of her back, craning his neck for her to have better access as she leaned for it.

"When you put your arms around me…" she hummed into his ear, trailing soft kisses down his neck.

He had definitely heard that voice before. Only one person had it, and it had never affected him as much as it did now. He shivered, her voice vibrating against his skin, his chest, his whole body…

This wasn't Rachel.

His voice whispered against his lips, "You give me fever…"

Mischievous teal eyes sparkled back at him. Finn trembled underneath him, whether from fear or excitement he couldn't tell.

He leaned in, pressing his lips against Kurt's.

"NO!" his sense of balance warped on him. For two seconds something roughly slid past his side and then something hard and flat slammed against him painfully. Grunting, he rolled over whatever hit him and realized he'd fallen from the couch and hit the floor. One of the headphones fell away; it was still on Peggy Lee's Fever.

"Had a nice trip?" Mercedes asked dryly while Kurt and Mike tried hard not to laugh.

Finn stumbled to his feet, ripping the other headphone out of his ear. "I think I'm done with this," he caught Mercedes's heated glare, "for today I mean."

"You fell asleep, I don't think you even got the whole meaning of anything you listened to," Kurt suppressed a giggle, trying to be serious, "I'm letting you borrow my iPod for the rest of the – "

"No," Finn cut in quickly, unable to look him in the eye with the dream, or rather nightmare, still fresh in his mind.

He kissed Kurt. He kissed a guy. His future stepbrother!

Now Kurt wasn't laughing, finally catching onto the panicked look on Finn's face. He exchanged a confused glance with Mercedes.

"Dude, did you have a nightmare or something?" Mike was still on the verge of laughter, though he was starting to see how freaked out Finn was as well.

"Yeah – no – kind of," he fumbled with untangling himself from the headphones before tossing it to a startled Kurt. "I need a break."

"Wait, what?" Kurt chased him up the stairs and grabbed his arm. "What the hell, Finn? It's just – " he stumbled backwards from the sharp jab of Finn pushing him away, and would have fallen down the stairs if he hadn't grabbed the railing in time.

No one said a word, too shocked that Finn actually almost pushed Kurt down the stairs. Kurt looked up at him with wide and slightly hurt eyes. He was mostly pissed though, and there was an angry stream of eloquent insults ready to roll off his tongue.

"Oh hell no!" Mercedes ran to beat Finn up, but the still shocked Mike held her back.

The last vestiges of the nightmare drifted from his fogged mind, and Finn came back into the reality of what he'd just done. He paled, unsure of what else to do as he watched Kurt get his footing. The smaller teen gingerly touched a growing bruise on his arm where the railing hit him.

"I'm sorry, I…I didn't mean to – " he flinched when Kurt shoved his iPod into his hands, glaring frostily at him, his normally teal eyes brightening fiercely to almost icy blue. At least that's what Finn thought when he shrank under that terrifying gaze.

"I have no _idea_ what's wrong with you," he said stonily, "but don't you _dare_ let it out on me. You're listening to those songs whether you like it or not. You're co-captain of glee club, if you're going to continue slacking off I'll rip that title from you with my bare hands!"

Despite being significantly taller than Kurt, especially now that he was two steps above him, Finn felt really intimidated and was close to visibly cowering. He'd never seen him like this before, and he couldn't blame him, he'd never physically hurt Kurt before. He was really regretting it now. He freaked out unnecessarily from that nightmare.

"You might as well leave; you weren't interested in practicing anyway," the shorter teen turned away dismissively and returned to his still stunned friends.

Finn gulped. He had two choices here. Prove Kurt wrong and stay, or leave so that he wouldn't have to face the embarrassment of Mercedes and Mike eyeing him with shock and disappointment like they were now. Not to mention the awkwardness he still felt around Kurt because of the nightmare. And Mercedes would have beaten the crap out of him anyway.

He all but ran out of the basement.

…

Mercedes and Mike stayed for a few more hours. A time in which Finn obligingly listened to Kurt's iPod. He was lucky their parents weren't home or he'd have gotten an earful over what happened earlier. Burt still terrified him.

He honestly didn't know why he reacted so strongly to the nightmare. It wasn't real; he had no desire whatsoever to be in a lip-lock with Kurt. And judging from Kurt's recent behavior, neither did he.

Finn turned from his side to stare at the ceiling of his room. There was a gray blotch in the shape of a weird ice cream sundae. It usually made him hungry, but now only made his guilt filled stomach feel even worse.

It was just a nightmare. The only reason he thought of Kurt when that song came up was because their voices sounded kind of the same. Was this another ploy to seduce him?

Finn angrily ran a hand through his hair. He had to stop thinking that. Whenever Kurt schemed something it would always be obvious, and it would always blow up in his face. He turned him down like fifteen times already! He got the picture!

He got the picture…

Finn shut his eyes in an effort to relax. That longing and sometimes sad look Kurt had always given him. It wasn't there anymore. The times he tried flirting with him. He didn't do that anymore. He didn't do _anything_.

For the first time since he met him, Kurt finally got over his crush on him. He moved on.

Finn was free.

He turned to his side and, without realizing it, clutched Kurt's iPod close to his chest.

If he was free, why wasn't he happy?

TBC


	6. You Give Me Fever

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the music quoted in this chappy

Chapter Six

You Give Me Fever

He found himself struggling more than usual on focusing in his classes. Algebra was a pain, English was boring, Biology was too complicated, and History was a snore fest. Even Spanish was killing him, though to be honest, Spanish always killed him, it just killed him more today.

When things like this happened, a kiss or smile from Rachel would make it all better. It didn't work this time.

So by the time glee came around, he was in the corner of the group, tapping his foot impatiently for the meeting to end. Rachel was finding it distracting, and held his hand in an effort to calm him. That didn't work either.

Before she could ask what was wrong, Mr. Schue called Quinn down to practice her song. Finn realized at the last second that it was the very song that induced the nightmare. The music started and Quinn snapped her fingers.

"Never know how much I love you," she sang sweetly, swinging her hips, "never know how much I care."

This was different. It was nothing like the original. Her voice was more high pitched, the drums sharper, and the bass a bit more rhythmic. Normally Finn would have no problem with modernizing old music, but this version was just too…forced?

He felt stupid being critical, especially about a song he wasn't very fond of. Maybe Rachel should have fought more to get the song…

Kurt would have done it justice –

No! Shut up. Don't think about him!

Despite himself, Finn took a quick glance across the risers to Kurt who was frowning lightly as he watched Quinn sing. So he wasn't the only one who thought this version was awful.

That kind of disturbed him.

…

"I think I'm ready," Rachel said, placing her hand over his. They had been driving in pleasant silence to her house when she decided to speak. "I'm ready for the next level."

"What?" his voice squeaked, oh god that was lame. He tried to keep a steady hand on the wheel. Thankfully a red light came on as he approached the end of the block. He looked at his girlfriend. She was smiling warmly at him, the kind of smile that expressed deep love and affection, the kind that was ready for…for _that_. "A-are you sure?"

"I wanted to be sure so I said we could go a little further at the park, you were so…_tender_ and loving that I just knew it was time," she was blushing, he was pretty sure he was redder than her, "I'm ready, Finn."

He attempted to smile and laugh to ease his nerves, but neither worked. "O-okay," calm down, just breathe. "That's great!"

He knew he didn't sound happy or enthusiastic; such a tone would normally throw Rachel off into a rant. He was really hoping she would rant.

But her smile widened, she gave his hand a squeeze, and she returned to looking out the window. Finn gulped and looked back to the front.

The red street light glared back at him like a warning.

…

She wanted it to be spontaneous, preferably in an environment where they wouldn't be interrupted. As much as she wanted the romantic music with the rose petals scattered over the bed, she knew Finn would end up being nervous and come too early. At least that's what she told him, and he didn't find it necessary to argue.

Because now he wasn't feeling so sure.

Luckily for him, her rule was still up. He dropped her off at her house, and left, like a good rule abiding boyfriend.

…Like a terrified boyfriend.

Now that he was in the safety of his room, he proceeded to bury his face in his pillow. Why did Rachel say she was ready now? A few weeks ago he would have been flying to the skies in giddy happiness; he would have done the deed with her hours ago!

He was chickening out. He didn't know why, but he was chickening out.

That was impossible. He didn't chicken out with Santana, and that was the most awkward meaningless thing he'd ever done in his life! After waiting for Rachel, fantasizing, dreaming, _wishing_…

Why _did_ Rachel want to do it anyway?

Thinking back on it, she'd been acting distant lately. They barely kissed at school or on their way home, they didn't talk as much as before, and that moment at the park…was he really tender and loving?

Could she be doing all this regain his attention? He hadn't been very talkative lately either.

With a sigh, Finn put on Kurt's iPod and set it to shuffle.

It Don't Mean a Thing immediately started playing. Its upbeat rhythm didn't match his glum and confused mood so he skipped it. He was sick of that song anyway.

The next song was The Andrews Sisters's Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. He skipped that too. Fever thrummed in, he scowled and skipped it as well. Finally Billie Holiday's Good Morning Heartache came on. He didn't pay much attention to the lyrics, but the melody was doing good in keeping his rattling thoughts at ease.

Dinner wouldn't be for an hour, he may as well kill time by doing some homework. It was starting to pile up pretty badly anyway.

_"Good morning heartache, thought we said goodbye last night."_

Finn shivered as he opened his Spanish text. Maybe Billie Holiday wasn't so bad…

…

The luscious wafts of dinner called him to the kitchen. He'd lost track of time, flying through his homework with surprising ease. By the time he sat down at the table, stomach growling in excitement over the feast laid out before him, his mother turned to him with a sweet smile.

"Honey, can you go get Kurt, we don't want to start dinner without him," she said, nodding to Burt who already had a fork and knife in each hand and was trying hard not to dig in just yet.

Finn looked at the lovely layout of potato salad, turkey, pork, cream of mushroom soup, and the many decorative arrangements of little sandwiches and artistically cut fruit. He sighed and reluctantly left the table, mentally strangling Kurt for always being the last one at dinner, and always having him get him.

He trudged down the stairs to the basement, a familiar song echoing against the walls of the bedroom. Finn reached the bottom, looking around for the honorary girl, but found no one. Was he in the bathroom?

"Kurt! Dinner!" he peeked into the bathroom. No one was there. "Kurt?"

He turned in irritation. Kurt was standing a few inches away from him. Finn yelped in surprise and almost fell backwards. Kurt grinned in amusement.

"Jeez," Finn shook his head, "come on, I'm hungry."

"Stay," Kurt grabbed his wrist, gently pulling him close to him, "dinner can wait," he placed a hand over the taller boy's chest.

"But – "

Kurt shoved him down his couch. Caught off guard, Finn slipped and fell on it sideways. His heart jumped to his throat when Kurt plied his tensed legs apart, crawling in between them and leaning over him.

"W-what are you…" He froze as Kurt leaned down and darted a tongue at his ear lobe. "Stop, I'm not gay!" he pushed against the smaller teen's chest, but either Kurt had gotten stronger, or he lost all his strength because Kurt didn't budge. "w-we need to go upstairs for dinner," he argued weakly, squirming to break free.

"Stay with me," Kurt whispered huskily in his ear, his voice rumbling all the way down to the tips of Finn's toes. He bit his lip, his struggles weakening. This couldn't be real; he must be having a nightmare or something. Kurt wouldn't have the gall to do this.

That's right, he was dreaming. He looked into Kurt's misty teal eyes, unable to really connect with them. He'd never seen that kind of smirk on the other teen's face. Yes, this was a dream! He needed to wake up.

"You let me violate you," Kurt brushed his lips lightly against the curve of Finn's neck, rubbing his thigh against his groin. Finn flushed and cried out in surprise. "You let me desecrate you."

That song. He knew it, he couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew what it was. He heard it before. From Kurt. Here in his room…

He gasped, throwing his head back as Kurt rolled his hips against his. His legs were trembling, unsure of whether to spread wider or close them to push the other boy away. He was burning up.

"You let me penetrate you."

His mind had become so muddled, he couldn't figure out how or when his clothes were removed. He was sweaty, and hot, throbbing with pent up frustrations that so desperately needed release. Kurt was pressed against him, his sweaty nakedness almost soothing in a way. They were rubbing against each other, their heavy breaths echoing in his ears.

"You let me complicate you," Kurt swooped in and stole his lips. Finn didn't struggle anymore. This was a dream, it would be embarrassing when he woke up, but he may as well enjoy it now while it lasts.

Their tongues wrestled and danced, explored and practically sang. Finn was dizzy, unaware of the little moans he gave. More, he wanted more…

Something was penetrating him _there. _It was big, and long, sliding inside him like a sword. He gasped, clutching Kurt close to him, his legs tightly wrapping around his waist. He was completely inside him, lovingly thrusting in and out. Finn pulled Kurt into a sloppy kiss, not quite sure what he was doing, but unwilling to make it stop.

Then Kurt hit something inside him, and he saw stars.

"Finn!"

…

"Finn!"

He woke with a start. Kurt's bedroom washed away. He was back in his own room, fully dressed with his text books squashed under him and drool pooling over his notebook. One of the headphones had lodged out of his ear and was playing Closer. Why was that song on the playlist? He wiped his chin and looked around blearily before realizing what exactly he had dreamt.

He fucked Kurt…no wait, Kurt fucked _him!_

And he _liked_ it!

…Oh god.

"I've been calling you like ten times, I was about to throw cold water over you!"

Finn froze. Of all the people to wake him up, it had to be the person he was dreaming of. He busily, fumbled with putting away his text books until he realized another more embarrassing problem. His pants were uncomfortably sticky.

"It's time for dinner let's go," Kurt waited by the door, unaware of what was troubling Finn. He did get curious when the taller boy didn't move from his bed. "Finn, did you not hear me? It's dinner time."

"Um…" he swallowed, wiping the drool off his notebook. Kurt curled his lip in disgust before noticing something more important.

"Did you drool on my iPod!" he stepped in the room, but faltered when Finn yelled at him.

"I'll be there in a second!"

"There's no need to shout!" he yelled back. He watched Finn closely. He seemed tense, and whatever was bothering him, his presence wasn't making it any better. As curious as Kurt was, he knew that if he pushed, Finn would lash out at him. He hadn't forgotten the other times when he had. "Fine, come to the table when you're ready." He left with as much haughty dignity as he could muster.

Finn sighed and went to his dresser, all the while telling himself that he didn't enjoy the dream, he was just being a teenager, hormones were to blame, and he didn't find Kurt even the least bit attractive.

Because if he did…well, he didn't want to think about it.

…

He made it a habit to bring Kurt's iPod to school and listen to it whenever there wasn't the risk of it being taken. He didn't know if it was because he wanted to honestly understand the era glee was trying to revive, or if he was starting to enjoy it. Whatever it was, Rachel seemed happy to hear Frank Sinatra's I Love Paris blaring out in his car.

"Where did you get this music?" she asked, picking up Kurt's iPod. She frowned at the purple flower designs decorating the shell, and arched an eyebrow at her boyfriend.

"Kurt let me borrow his iPod," Finn replied quickly, not wanting Rachel to get the wrong idea. "I don't listen to this stuff, so now he's making me. You know, for the show."

"Really?" she raised her eyebrows, skimming through the endless list of music, "I could have shown you, you know."

They drove into the parking lot. He looked around for a space, mentally wincing at having forgotten that his girlfriend was just as obsessed with the swing/jazz era as Kurt. "It kind of happened last second…"

She nodded and gave him an unconvincing smile. Once he got the car parked he gave her a kiss, hoping it would cheer her up. Although he couldn't understand why something like this would upset her.

…

Mercedes stood before the group. Artie thrummed on his Les Paul while Kurt was on the piano. This would be her first time to fully perform the song in front of the club, and so far it seemed pretty good.

"Folks here's the story 'bout Minnie the Moocher," it was probably one of the rarest occasions Finn had seen the diva sing in a low tone, and not the loud soulful scream. "She was a red hot hoochie coocher."

As the song continued Mercedes adopted similar moves that Cab Calloway was famous for, staying on the spot and swaying with her hands at waist length, shoulders tense. But at the same time there was a little bit of her shining through, her voice rising to that proud yell, fists clenched to reach the ultimate high note. She wasn't just singing, she was delivering a story.

It was perfect.

Quinn seemed to have improved her song as well. And La Vie en Rose felt like it was created just for Rachel.

They were almost ready to rehearse on stage except for one thing. They didn't have a great ending. Mr. Schue made them go through several songs, pull different choreography, everything! But nothing felt right. Something was missing that was making everything they tried sound empty.

After listening to Kurt's iPod day and night, Finn had an idea of what song they should use, but he couldn't remember the exact beat, or the name of the song or artist. Unfortunately, with Kurt's four-hundred plus songs crammed into his tiny little iPod, finding the song was looking to be impossible.

He figured Kurt himself would know, but he looked just as clueless.

Rachel slammed her locker shut, startling him out of his thoughts. "I can't go home yet, you go on without me, I need to take care of something first."

"Is it gonna take long? I don't mind waiting," he frowned lightly, she seemed troubled. Was she still unsure about La Vie en Rose?

"No it's gonna take forever," she sighed, clutching her books to her chest. "I just want to go the auditorium and vent – alone," she added, seeing him about to argue. "I'll just take the bus back, or I can walk, my house isn't that far."

"Okay…" something was definitely bugging her, he always joined her in the auditorium when she wanted to sing. He leaned down and gave her a kiss, squeezing her shoulder consolingly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded, her eyes teary, before turning and walking down the hall towards the auditorium. Finn reluctantly went the other way.

If she was upset about La Vie en Rose, she wouldn't bottle it up. She was the type of person who demanded what she wanted, or complained about what she had and didn't want, she was too proud and outspoken to be quietly upset about a song.

Or was she upset about something else?

He reached the exit of the school when this thought struck him. What if the song wasn't what was bothering her? What if it was the fact that they didn't have sex after she clearly said she was ready?

A bad feeling was crawling up the back of his neck. It wasn't that he wasn't ready. More like…he was cautious and confused and…

And his thoughts of Kurt Hummel were becoming increasingly unbearable.

They'd become so bad, Finn couldn't look him in the face anymore. Shit, he barely even talked to the guy they were so bad. What was worse was that he couldn't discuss these problems to his awesome hot why-is-she-with-me girlfriend because…well…she wouldn't take it well and he was terrified of what the implications these stupid thoughts meant.

Rachel was very perceptive though. Then again, so was everyone when compared to Finn. She may have figured it out already. She didn't seem too happy with him borrowing Kurt's iPod, and she was close to tears just now. He had to fix this somehow. He knew exactly what to do.

Today would have to be the day. Finn fished through his pockets for loose cash. He needed a condom; romantic sappy cd's, a bunch of roses…

But first he had to apologize to Rachel!

…

She wasn't in the auditorium. There was someone singing, but it wasn't her. She wasn't in the audience, on stage, or even backstage. She was nowhere to be found. Finn was about to leave, he knew exactly who was on stage, and he didn't want to stay any longer.

"Never know how much I love you; never know how much I care."

He was on the piano, hitting the low keys in a match to the slow rhythm of the original. His eyes were shut, he had no idea he wasn't alone.

Finn froze. It was that damn song again.

"When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear – you give me fever," he struck the piano keys with more daring. His eyes were cloudy and lost in his thoughts, or perhaps lost in fantasies of singing alongside Peggy Lee, or even Little Willie John.

Finn hid behind the curtains, away from Kurt's line of sight. He sang just as he imagined he would. Low and sultry, his voice like honey yet filled with unheard passion.

It was like…Finn blushed. Like sex.

"Fever! In the mornin', fever all through the night," Kurt smirked. Finn flushed. He shouldn't be here he felt like he was walking in on Kurt doing something dirty – _he_ felt dirty. This was like when he walked in on him singing Closer. He needed to leave. He had to find Rachel. He had to apologize; he had to tell her…he had to tell her…

That he couldn't do it with her.

There was something wrong with him. It was something that was keeping him from leaving. Something that kept his eyes locked on Kurt. Something that made him blush, his stomach flutter, steal his breath, clench his chest, made him dizzy all at the mere thought of Kurt. Something he could no longer feel for Rachel. He knew exactly what it was, and it was too terrifying, horrible, painful, and crazy for him to even say it to himself.

He was falling in love.

It took all his will to keep from screaming when a hand tapped his shoulder. He whipped around, his blush draining when he saw who it was. He must have been watching him watching Kurt for a while, because instead of the pleasantly surprised 'oh what brings you here' look he'd been hoping for, he was anything but.

It was that painful look of understanding in his eyes, the very tiny almost invisible sad smile. There was no hint of malice, no trace of mischief, just sympathy. Because he felt the same for Mike, and like Finn, he could do nothing to stop it.

Horrified at being caught, Finn looked away from Sam, wishing the ground could open up and swallow him.

Kurt continued singing without pause.

TBC


	7. Backdrifting

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Radiohead's music

A/N: special thanks to DJ-DizzyD for reviewing almost every chapter lol (huggles) one more thing: my college just started it's winter term (we go by trimesters) so I'm back in my pastry labs, which are about seven hours a class, meaning I got to get my shit together and put all focus on that, updates for fics won't be coming in so often, so anyone out there waiting for the next chapter, I'm really sorry, but you'll have to bear with me and wait a lil longer, I gots to graduate after all…and I don't wanna fail either lol thanks for reviewing btw!

Chapter Seven

Backdrifting

He didn't remember the drive home, how he ended up in the shower, or what exactly he may have said to Sam before bolting out of the auditorium. What mattered was that Kurt didn't know he'd been watching him. He could trust Sam enough to keep quiet right?

The almost scalding hot shower beating over him was doing nothing to ease his mind.

He couldn't say it out loud to himself in the privacy of the bathroom with the shower cranked up. He didn't want to think about it, but it was forcing itself to get his attention whether he liked it or not.

He pressed his forehead against the cool tiled wall, beads of hot water sliding over his face. This went against everything he thought he was. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious, but for things to go this far…for him to actually have feelings for…for another _guy_…for _Kurt_ of all people…

He didn't know who he was anymore.

He liked Kurt.

He _liked_ Kurt.

Finn shut his eyes. Strangely, it wasn't that he was crushing on his 'almost brother' that freaked him out, it was that it happened so freaking quickly.

With Quinn, Rachel, and Santana, he instantly found them attractive. They flirted with him, made him feel special. Well, Rachel had at least. Santana and Quinn kind of made him feel like a tool. The point was they made an effort to get his attention.

Kurt had done the same thing, but that blew up in his face. Finn wasn't interested in him. At the time at least. The guy had to be turned down several times before he finally backed down. For a while they had an awkward kind of brotherly friendship, one that Finn was completely happy with, at least now Kurt wouldn't try getting in his pants.

But then Kurt had to go and sing rock songs, dry hump mic stands, and fuck him in his dreams.

If Finn had seen Puck do what Kurt had done, he knew he'd laugh it off and get on with his life, because Puck was like that, a bad boy rocker with a libido that rivaled his huge ego. Kurt was the flamboyant pop star who would cringe at the thought of humping anything for fear of ruining his expensive clothes.

That's why when he first sang that Powerman 5000 song, Finn was completely blown away. It reminded him that Kurt was a guy, and he could be really masculine when he wanted to be. To make everything worse, he was unaware of what it was doing to Finn.

What took Rachel a good deal of her time, took a few songs for Kurt to capture Finn's attention. It was all completely effortless and unconsciously played out!

He hated him. He hated him for making him look at him more than need be, to have him constantly on his mind, for making his stomach imitate acrobats whenever he sang in his soft breathy oh so sultry timber. If Kurt hadn't suddenly gotten into rock, Finn wouldn't have this problem, he would have continued ignoring him, he would still have Rachel on his mind, wishing like some poor animal in heat that she would let him have his way with her.

And worst of all, when he just started realizing these horrible things, Sam found out too. The blond bastard! What the hell was he doing at the auditorium anyway!

And speaking of which, why wasn't Rachel in the auditorium like she said? Did she leave because Kurt was there, or did she lie to him and go somewhere else?

Why would she lie to him?

Finn pulled away from the wall, a red mark now on his forehead. This shower wasn't helping him, what he needed was a snack, and then perhaps crawl under his bed and cry like a baby.

…

Realizing his feelings for another guy was harsh enough, but what added salt to the wound was the fact that he lived with said guy, and he was currently sitting across him at the dinner table, their parents at either end.

To say the situation was awkward was an understatement.

The trouble with becoming aware with one's feelings was that whenever the crush was present, everything was one hundred times harder to control.

Kurt, of course, had no idea what was going on with his 'almost brother' and ate his dinner like he would every other night. Finn kept his gaze firmly on his plate of chicken, vegetables, and mashed potatoes. He was so nervous his hands were trembling and he couldn't taste the food which was usually so flavorful and comforting.

Burt and Carole were busily exchanging stories of the day's events, so they thankfully didn't notice Finn's lack of gusto over his meal. Kurt, unfortunately, finally did.

Finn jolted in surprise when a foot jabbed sharply at his shin. Their parents didn't notice. He swished his fork in his mashed potatoes contemplatively. If he looked up now, his face would be redder than a cherry, and Kurt would probably figure everything out right there and then. If he didn't look up, Kurt would keep kicking him and eventually pull up crazy accusations of things that didn't make sense.

He didn't mind Kurt kicking him…

No! Why did his thoughts lie on Kurt dominating him? It would make more sense if he were the dominating one!

…Damn it!

A sharper kick came at him again. He had to look up. At one point their parents would notice the weird thumping and, he just didn't favor the idea of Kurt bothering him after dinner. He looked up.

Kurt was frowning at him shaking his head as if to say 'what the hell's wrong with you?'

He tried to shrug it off. Maybe even throw in a lopsided 'nothing's wrong, leave me alone' smile, but it was like he forgot how to control his body. After not looking at Kurt up close in forever, he'd forgotten how bright the other boy's eyes were. How they transcended in blues and greens, the unspoken emotions that were dying to spill out. That pride and self assuredness…

Kurt squirmed under his stare and eventually looked away, confused. Finn shook his head, realizing what he'd done, and blushingly returned to his plate.

Somehow the food managed to look even less appetizing.

…

After the little exchange at dinner Kurt didn't bother Finn anymore, which was fine because the Frankenteen wasn't sure what he'd do if he did. It didn't stop the diva from giving him odd looks though, especially over breakfast before finally giving up and leaving early for school. Finn made sure to wait at least ten minutes after he heard Kurt's car drive off before he left too.

He was halfway to school when he realized something was missing. He forgot to pick up his beautiful-wonderful-she-shouldn't-be-with-me girlfriend.

After speeding all the way back, miraculously getting to her house without getting pulled over by the cops, he found her standing by her front door looking at her watch. The weather was getting colder, and she was hugging herself in her sweater. He felt like the lowest piece of scum the world had to offer.

She all but ran to his car, sighing in delight at the welcoming warmth when she plopped herself in the passenger seat and shut the door beside her.

"I'm so sorry – "

"It's okay, I wasn't waiting outside for long," she said distractedly as she readjusted her hair.

"But…" he felt terrible. This was the first time he forgot about Rachel. If he told her he almost went to school without her she'd flip the shit. Then again…

Rachel smiled at him and patted his hand. She didn't seem as upset as he thought she would be. He expected a full on lecture as soon as she got in the car, but she was brushing it off. Was this really Rachel?

And what about yesterday? She just vanished like that.

He really wanted to ask her about that, but after she explicitly told him she wanted to be alone, he didn't want to upset her by telling her he went after her. Besides, whatever she did yesterday, it must have made her get over whatever was troubling her, she was all smiles now.

That smile. It no longer had the same affect on him as it used to.

He bit the corner of his lip. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to be crushing on Kurt. He wanted his life back, the happiness of being with Rachel, all the fantasies, her touch, her smile. He wanted those feelings to return, to remind him that he was in love with her. Only her.

He pulled her into a kiss. Their lips mashed against one another, sucking and nipping, tongues exploring lovingly, tenderly, desperately. He'd almost forgotten how it was like to really kiss Rachel. Her soft plump lips hungrily sliding against his, their tongues caught in a duet.

He wanted to show her how much he loved her. He really did, but somewhere in the middle of the kiss he felt like he was kissing someone else. Rachel was kissing him differently. She was rougher, clutching the back of his head in a tight grip, teeth digging thirstily at his bruising lips.

Suddenly he wasn't kissing Rachel. He was kissing someone with raw passion, someone with short neatly combed hair, expensive clothes and baby soft skin. Someone with all the pent up desires he wished he didn't have.

His hand traveled up her chest and felt something large and round. At the same time a small hand palmed against his chest.

That was a boob. He was kissing Rachel.

Both broke apart in surprise. They stared at each other with wide eyes as if for the first time realizing who exactly the other was.

"U-um…" Rachel swallowed and licked her bruised lips. "We're going to be late for class."

"Right, um…yeah," he clumsily started the car and pulled out to the street.

…

He was disoriented, and the music on Kurt's iPod wasn't helping any. After the wet dream thing he discovered that Kurt had accidentally slipped a few modern songs in the device. It was a small handful, and they were a nice break from the vast jazz/swing music Finn was constantly listening to, so he didn't complain to Kurt about the slip. Considering his current situation, he didn't have the balls to anyway.

Damn he was the worst boyfriend in the world. Having a crush on his 'almost brother' and then thinking about him while kissing his girlfriend. Who the fuck does that?

It was Rachel's fault for kissing him so strangely…

Finn glanced at his girlfriend as they walked down the halls toward class. She was clutching her books and his hands were in his pockets. It was the first time they weren't holding hands. That was a bad sign right? Did she notice him kissing her differently too?

It was like they were strangers.

_"We're rotten fruit; we're damaged goods; what the hell we've got nothing more to lose."_

Finn had to look at the name of the song in the iPod to know that it was a Radiohead song. He didn't know they were still singing, the only song he could think of from them being High and Dry. It was strange for Kurt to listen to such a weird band. Strange, but so like him.

He needed to stop thinking about him.

_"I'm hanging off a branch; I'm teetering on the brink."_

A slender hand squeezed his arm. He turned to his girlfriend who gave him a small smile and left for the classroom beside her. He was alone.

The hallway seemed longer than it really was. The crowd of students more suffocating than they really were. His legs felt like lead. He felt hot and cold at the same time.

_"I'm backsliding."_

Even through the music booming in his ears, and the loud chatter of passing students, he could hear the heavy thumps of his sneakers leading him down the hall.

He couldn't get it out of his mind. It was really starting to sink in. That kiss proved it. He…he was…he really was…

He didn't feel so good. Everything was spinning. He couldn't trust himself to walk any further. He shouldn't have had breakfast; it felt like it was trying to climb back up his throat.

"Finn…"

That light, breathy voice. No. He couldn't talk to him. He couldn't look at him. There was a chill going up the back of his scalp, he needed to sit down, he needed to take a few breaths, not freak out, find the logic in this…this fucking madness, and figure out how to deal with it.

_"But your footsteps give you away; so you're backtracking."_

Kurt blocked his path, handing him a paper with something he couldn't understand scribbled on it. Were they songs for glee? He was saying something, but he wasn't listening, too lost in the way his soft lips moved, the pink tongue elegantly annunciating words behind pearly white and impeccably straight teeth. He had imagined them pressed against his lips when he kissed Rachel, how would they feel in reality?

His chest clenched. His stomach flipped. His heart was banging so loud it was threatening to overcome Radiohead. He felt dizzy. The world was tilting.

He was in love with Kurt.

He was in love with Kurt Hummel.

Finn proceeded to do the lamest most embarrassing thing anyone could ever do.

He fainted.

TBC


	8. The Proposition

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

Merry Chistmas everyone!

…

Chapter Eight

The Proposition

…

"…Good thing…nurses office…sucked…"

"…Eating…caused…like that…"

"He's been…weird…days…idea…"

Finn stirred, recognizing the cold antibacterial odors that could only make him think of hospitals, needles, and people in white coats who were either terrible comedians or snobbishly smart.

What was he doing in the nurse's office?

"You go ahead to class, I have history with him right now, I'll just make sure he gets there if he's feeling up to it."

"But…" a sigh, "fine, but if he's not, call me so I can drive him home."

That was Kurt.

Finn froze in his uncomfortable position, hoping no one caught him waking up. He could hear his footsteps echoing away into silence. What was Kurt doing here?

And why was he in the nurse's office in the first place?

He remembered dropping Rachel off to class, then heading off to history. He wasn't feeling well. Kurt stopped him to tell him something. Then he…he…

What did he do?

"I have to go to the bathroom; can you watch the office for me?"

"Sure."

"Thanks, I've been wanting to go like crazy – don't touch the medicine cabinet, I'll know if you've messed with anything."

"I won't!"

Shit. He was hoping Sam would leave like Kurt. He tried feigning sleep again, but a hand was shaking his shoulder.

"She's gone, you can stop pretending now."

Finn peered an eye open. Sure enough there was Sam sitting by his flat practically plastic bed with that stupid lopsided grin. "What happened?" Finn mumbled.

"You fainted," Sam nodded promptly, "on top of Kurt."

His head sank into his rock of a pillow. "Great…"

He fainted. Of course he fainted. Finding out he was harboring a huge crush on his 'almost stepbrother' wasn't humiliating enough, now he had to freak out like a girl and faint _on top of him! _In front of the whole school too!

Jeez he really blew everything out of proportion. How could he be so sure that he was in love with the guy? He may have swooned… a little…when he sang Fever, had one or two wet dreams of him, and he may have imagined kissing him when kissing his girlfriend – that still didn't prove that he was in love with him! He hadn't had a decent conversation with him in weeks; he could be confusing his feelings for a desire for brotherly bonding! And he was most definitely not clinging to that stupid iPod like it was the only connection he had left of Kurt, that was just lame!

On _top_ of him? His life managed to suck harder than it already had.

Kurt was probably complaining about how he ruined his Gucci shirt or something.

"How'd I get here?" he was a pretty tall guy, there was no way anyone could have carried him to the nurse's office. Unless Sam and Kurt carried him together.

Oh god he really hoped that's not what happened.

"We got you to wake up and walk a bit, but you weren't really all there so I guess you don't remember that," Sam shrugged. Finn sighed in relief, "besides you fainted right at the door so it didn't take much effort to get you here."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Did I really fall on top of him?"

"Yep."

"Ugh," his face dug further into the pillow, "really not cool."

"Could have been worse, you could have made out with him."

He tensed. The quick rebuff he wanted to say died in his throat in his horror that Sam knew exactly how he felt for the gleek.

Or Sam could have been joking.

"Y-yeah, that could have been bad," he said cautiously. "I mean…he's a guy and…"

"And you like him," Sam deadpanned.

"What?" he sat up, giving an awkward laugh, "no I don't! He's like a brother – "

"Dude, I saw you looking at him yesterday like he was some kind of delicious piece of meat, no one does that unless they really like them," Sam cut in matter-of-factly, "admit it, you like Kurt, and I bet it's the reason why you fainted…unless you really aren't eating properly."

"But he's…but…" he flushed, was he really looking at Kurt that way yesterday? "well…you like Mike!" Childish thing to say, but he didn't know what else to shoot back.

Now Sam was blushing. Ha! He won!

He rubbed the back of his neck, "Am I that obvious?"

Finn's jaw dropped. The blond wasn't even denying it! He sank in defeat. Sam had more balls in admitting his feelings than he did.

"I guess if even you've noticed, the whole school probably knows," Sam sighed. Finn narrowed his eyes. Was that a jab at his intelligence? "But I still don't know if I like him that way, and even if I do it doesn't matter," he mumbled.

Finn fidgeted uneasily. How could he talk about this so easily? Was he that comfortable with his sexuality? Finn remembered Tina mentioning something about Sam's old school. He found himself wondering the same thing, were issues like these handled differently in all boy's schools? Or in just Sam's old school?

Compared to Sam's reaction, Finn felt like a five year old.

"Have you thought about telling Kurt?"

Finn flinched. As if. There was no way he was going to tell the fashion diva his feelings. Judging from his reaction, Sam understood and nodded in agreement. It didn't make Finn feel any better. "I don't know if I like him! I'm probably just confusing this with something else!"

Sam put up his hands defensively, "okay I get it!" he let them drop on his lap. Finn huffed and settled on the really uncomfortable bed. Sam sank back in his chair. About a whole minute of silence passed when he decided to speak again. "So does Rachel know?"

"No."

Oh man. Rachel. Now he really felt terrible. She was almost nonexistent to him now when just a few days ago she was all he could think about. Finn wondered for the millionth time how Kurt managed to erase her so effortlessly from his mind.

Sam studied him closely. Like Finn had been watching him, he'd been watching Finn. He knew the Frankenteen wasn't showing as much affection to his girlfriend as he used to. They barely kissed or held hands; it was a rare occasion when they would even talk. Granted, he didn't stalk them, so he didn't know how accurate his observations were, but he did notice the stray glances Finn had been giving Kurt.

The confusion in his eyes, the fact that he was always listening to that flowery iPod, and that moment in the auditorium was all a dead giveaway.

But he couldn't be quite sure. Just like he wasn't sure if he really liked Mike, or if it was all just hormones acting up.

"I don't know if I'm physically attracted to Mike, or if there's more to it," he blurted out. Finn frowned at him. "When did you start to notice?"

A light pink tinged Finn's cheeks. He really didn't want to explain himself to the blond, especially when he wasn't sure himself how these feelings started up. Sam may have had the bravery to admit his feelings, but he wasn't there yet. He didn't want anyone to know, he wanted to forget them, bury them, revive what he felt for Rachel, remind himself that he was straighter than an arrow.

Sam was waiting patiently. He supposed in a sense it was only fair to spill a little if he was willing to do the same. Sam seemed to be relieved to have someone to talk to if that look on his face was anything to go by.

But he really didn't want to talk.

Then again he would probably go crazy by the end of the day if he didn't. There was a glee meeting today. Kurt would be there.

"Don't tell anyone," he said quietly, hating how vulnerable he sounded and felt. Sam merely nodded. "I guess when he came to sing that Powerman 5000 song."

"What?" Sam gaped with a bit of a grin, "that was like _weeks_ ago? That's pretty fast!"

"What about you then?" Finn argued, blushing harder in embarrassment "You transferred here and started going out with Quinn, now you like Mike?".

"I told you, I'm not sure if – "

"You like Mike?"

Both teens paled and looked toward the door where Brittany was standing with Santana. Although the two Cheerio's were shocked, there was the undeniable hint that they were turned on by this piece of news.

"Oh shit…" Sam said faintly, and for a second, Finn feared that he would faint.

"How long were you guys standing there?" he watched as they entered of the office as if they owned it. At least Santana did. Brittany didn't so much as saunter as float her way in.

"Enough to know that you like a guy," Santana pointed haughtily to Finn who shrank from the accusing finger. She smirked and then pointed to Sam who also recoiled, "and that you've got the hots for Mike, which I get, the guy's got a good six pack."

"That's hot," Brittany smiled softly, "we should totally do a foursome."

Santana parked herself on the edge of Finn's bed, mischievous eyes focused on him, "so who's the lucky guy? My bet's on Puck or Lady Face – unless it's someone outside of glee."

"I'm not gay," Finn really wished Santana wasn't a girl; he had the violent urge to kick her off the bed. "What are you even doing here?"

"We skip class to take naps here sometimes," the cheerio rolled her eyes as if that there the obvious answer, "who wants to spend double period in algebra anyway?"

"Please don't tell anyone about this," Sam swallowed thickly, he'd been around long enough to understand that the two cheerio's were quite the talkative girls, it wouldn't take much to let a secret slip, especially if it would do good their favor.

"I'm bad at keeping secrets," Brittany said unapologetically, "there was this one time when I heard this guy tell his friend he was into this girl, I was making out with her one day and I accidentally told her. She changed schools after that, I don't know why. I think it was because the guy was our math teacher and he was fifty seven."

All three teens stared at her with gaping mouths, Finn's eye was twitching. Not for the first time, they wondered how such a girl survived everyday life.

"So it's Puck right? It has to be," Santana resumed her interrogation. Finn made a face and realized a second too late it was the wrong decision because now her eyes widened and she had the evilest smirk on her lips, "don't tell me…_Kurt Hummel?_ Are you _serious?"_

"It's not Kurt!" Finn flushed, "it's not any guy! I love Rachel!"

"Nope, it's Kurt," Santana nodded, "it's written all over your face, and you," she turned to Sam, looking him up and down. He squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze, "…I'm surprised I didn't see it earlier."

"So…you're not going to tell anyone?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Santana, I'm not gay," Finn insisted, "and I don't like Kurt that way, I'm serious!"

She looked from the panicking quarterback to the equally panicking blond. No matter how much they tried it was too late for them to deny whatever mixed up feelings they were having, she heard them confess straight from their mouths. If they weren't gay they were definitely curious.

This could turn out to be more interesting than it already was.

"Have you guys ever experimented to see if you like being with another guy?" she arched an eyebrow curiously. She could see from the corner of her eye Brittany listening with a growing smirk.

"I'm not g – "

"No, I haven't," Sam shoved Finn to quiet down, "that's why I'm not sure if I do like Mike."

"Dude!" Finn looked at him with wide eyes of betrayal. Confiding in him was one thing, but to bring Brittany and Santana into this!

"Why don't you guys try it with each other to see if you like dick or not?" she was crude with her words, but the very suggestion of Finn doing _that_ with Sam was outrageous! Both boys gaped. They glanced at each other and instantly felt grossed out.

"Can I watch?" Brittany asked innocently, the wicked look in her eyes anything but.

Finn snapped. "No way! I told you I'm not _gay!_ I'm not gonna do it with another guy! I – what!" Sam was shoving him again.

"Why not?" he said seriously.

The world came crashing down. His stomach dropped a few miles into the abyss. Had he heard him right? "What?"

"Well…" he was blushing, "if we like them 'cause we're curious, if we do it, it might go away."

Finn blinked. He shouldn't consider this. It was true, he was curious, but not that curious to actually do it. Plus if Rachel found out, she would kill him. "But I'm not…I don't want…no way, man, I have a girlfriend – "

"Who won't know anything if you keep your mouth shut," Santana cut in. Finn glared at her, it only made her grin widen. "besides, from what I've seen, there's not much action between you two lately, she probably doesn't even know you're having gay issues anyway – "

"I'm not – "

_"Whatever!"_ she rolled her eyes exasperatedly, "look, my parents are gonna be out of town this weekend for some cheesy coupling time, I was gonna have Britt over, but I can go to her place instead, you'll probably be too embarrassed to have us around anyway," she looked absolutely evil now, "you can use my room."

Finn was already shaking his head and getting out of the terribly rigid bed. "Screw that, I'm not doing it." The dizziness from earlier was gone, he was good enough to go to class now.

"I'm sorry I took so long," the nurse entered the office, cheeks pink from running, "I ended up talking to Principal…" she looked from Brittany to Santana, "you two again?" she then noticed Finn standing by her, and raised her eyebrows, "feeling better?" he nodded stiffly, "go on to class then, you've still got about a half hour left."

Finn glanced coldly back at the girls and the sheepish Sam before stalking out of the nurse's office.

"You have until Friday to decide," Santana playfully called after him.

TBC


	9. Freedom

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

…

Chapter Nine

Freedom

…

They hadn't touched for two days since they had that strange kiss. They barely talked, stopped holding hands, and they were starting to sing with other people rather than each other. The only thing they still did together was drive to and from school.

As distracted as he was with trying to cope with his feelings for glee's resident honorary girl, Finn didn't miss how unusual it was for Rachel not to say anything about their lack of communication, especially after his embarrassing faint the other day. She was just was distracted as he was.

Could she be having second thoughts on their relationship?

Considering his situation, breaking up didn't seem like such a bad idea as he thought it would be. Then again he couldn't assume that Rachel shared the same thoughts. Reading her was becoming tougher and tougher, she could be distracted by what pencil to use for her biology class for all he knew.

Was this that point in the relationship where passions 'fizzle out'?

He didn't need to think on it for long because she finally spoke up on their way to school.

"About the sex thing," her voice cut through Reefer Man playing quietly from his radio. "We don't have to do it."

"What?" he glanced at her. She was looking straight at him, with those troubled eyes she seemed to be wearing more and more recently. "But we…a-are you sure?" He didn't know whether to jump for joy or go to a corner and cry. He'd been wanting this for such a long time. Yet, now that he had the opportunity, he didn't know if he wanted it anymore. Rachel must have noticed or she wouldn't be calling it off now.

"It's just…" she took a deep breath, "well…there's something I need to tell you."

He glanced at her again. She was focused on her skirt, fingers fiddling, and worrying her lip. "Okay…" he lowered the volume of the music, giving her his full attention when he pulled to a stop at a red light, "what is it?"

"I…" she shut her eyes tightly, "things have been happening and…I kind of…we haven't talked much…I feel terrible about this, it's my fault and – and I'm so…so sorry…" she released a sob, burying her face in her hands.

Finn's face fell, caught off guard by his girlfriend's sudden break down. "Hey," he unbuckled himself and reached over to her trembling form, pulling her into his arms. She felt so tiny and fragile, completely unlike the fiery Rachel he knew. Shame and guilt filled him for forgetting her so easily. "It's my fault too," he said, running soothing hands up and down her back, "I haven't been paying much attention to you lately, I'm sorry."

"No…!" she shook her head roughly against his chest, "I'm a terrible girlfriend, I – "

"No you're not," he cut in firmly, "you the most awesomest, coolest, hottest girlfriend in the world, and I'm lucky you're even with me." He kissed her wet cheek, but she seemed more upset than before.

He bit his lip. The words he wanted to say choking in his throat. It was so easy to say it in front of Santana and the others, but now that he was with the person who deserved to hear it, he couldn't do it.

Maybe if Rachel said it first, it would be easier for him to say it.

She bit her lip too. Chocolate teary eyes looking up at him.

Say it.

Say 'I love you.'

She didn't. He couldn't. He hugged her again and kissed the crown of her head. "Cheer up, we can work through this," he said instead.

The red light flashed green and cars started honking behind them.

…

There were people staring at him as soon as he entered the school. Ever since he fainted on top of Kurt, Finn had been the subject of gossip for a good few days. They came up with the craziest rumors that he was following a crash diet and fainted from malnutrition, he was sick with a deadly disease, a robot that went through a malfunction, an alien that was losing its health to human food, all sorts of strange things and they weren't in the slightest bit close. There was even a joke going around that 'Frankenteen was breaking down'.

It didn't help that now all the girls who heard of what happened were now crushing on him. Why was it that they always fell for the Florence Nightingale effect?

Finn followed Rachel to her locker and stuffed his lunch beside her books. The nurse obviously reported what happened to him to his mother, and now she insisted on packing his lunches, convinced that he wasn't eating well at school. Kurt helped her a bit there, making her pack lots of vegetables and fruit. Finn may have been settling into the idea that he liked Kurt, but for him to pack him lunch was humiliating.

He looked at his name on the paper bag and cringed. It was all neat and flowery with little bears with cowboy hats. He honestly wasn't sure who was responsible for the designs.

"Can we talk after school?" Rachel asked as she closed the door to her locker. "After glee I mean?"

"Yeah," he nodded. She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze before going to class.

Finn watched her go. Her perfectly straight black hair swishing gently against her thin shapely back. It used to get his heart racing, now it just brought a tiny smile to his lips.

"Did you make sure to eat all of your breakfast?"

Now his heart was racing.

He turned to his 'almost stepbrother'. Kurt had left earlier than him so he didn't see him at home until now. The shorter teen looked up at him inquisitively; his neatly combed hair was partly hidden under one of those black short brimmed hats that Finn wouldn't be caught dead wearing, but fit so nicely with the fashion addict. He was actually dressed down from his usual attire.

…Very dressed down.

He was in black and red bondage pants, Doc Martens, and black and red striped shirt, dog collar, those metal spiky wrist bands, black nail polish, and…

Finn squinted. Was that eye liner?

"Uh…yeah…" he answered uncertainly, "you look…different…"

Kurt blushed, his lips going into a thin line. "I lost a bet."

Finn visibly sighed in relief. He was hoping Kurt hadn't gotten into the whole rocker look, it didn't work for him…well…it kind of did, but it wasn't Kurt. He shook his head. Think straight, he needed to think straight. "A bet?"

Kurt huffed loudly with a nod. "I made a bet with Quinn about whether or not I would get an A for this test in Biology and …"

Finn wasn't listening anymore. He never realized how distracting Kurts lips were. It was like the day he fainted, forgetting his surroundings and focused only on the teen. His lips weren't girly, or manly, they were somewhere in between, not overly plump or thin or completely invisible. They were…modest? But in a nice way, quietly calling for attention, especially when they curved and stretched to form words, like the tantalizing tongue that darted between those pearly whites…

Suddenly he really wanted to feel those eloquent lips against his.

The myriad of Kurts rambling stopped suddenly.

Finn blinked. Then paled.

Somewhere in their one sided conversation, Finn's hand decided to get a life of its own and cup Kurt's cheek, his thumb softly running over the boy's bottom lip. He snatched his hand away as if it were burned.

"You had something on your lip," he excused himself lamely. Kurt still stared at him oddly, a light blush on his cheeks, "so you lost the bet, that sucks, I have class, later!" he quickly hurried away from him, his hand still tingling from when he touched Kurt's face.

…

The curtains opened up slowly, the melodic notes of a piano taking the audience back to the swing jazz era. There's people laughing, glass's clinking, and hands clapping. Then there's a hint of something modern, a small almost inaudible guitar note that stretches on and on under suddenly everything stops and -

"It don't mean a thing!" Mike sang, leaning against the edge of the piano. He was in costume, which were basically his regular clothes. Mr. Schue wanted to keep it that way to help with giving the music a modern street kind of feel.

"If it ain't go that swing!" Rachel stepped out from the left side of the stage, guitar strapped across her shoulders. Both she and Kurt imitated the scat part with piano and guitar.

"Don't mean a thing!" Mike continued, running towards Rachel.

"All you gotta do is sing!" Kurt sang. Mike slid on his knees as if startled that the pianist was singing.

They continued singing, gradually climbing to a point where drums, guitar, and piano climaxed in a musical explosion. The rest of glee ran down the aisles in the audience towards the stage, flipping and dancing as the singers went on a blazing scat singing war. It was so intense that everything stopped as they threw their string of gibberish at each other, eventually coming together in a harmonic one note scream, bringing another bang of instrumental flurry and the final string of lyrics. By the end of their first song they were breathless and grinning with arms open wide to the audience.

Mr. Schue clapped excitedly. "Excellent! Good work guys!"

The group dropped their arms tiredly with sighs and cries of relief. They'd been practicing the song about ten times; some were already feeling bad aches in their knees.

But they couldn't stop, because Kurt was still playing the piano, the first song gradually transforming into Minnie the Moocher. Mercedes came in from the back corner of stage. Everyone watched her as she told the story of Minnie, jumping at attention when she made them repeat the hi-de-hi's and hi-de-ho's.

They managed to get through her song and Fever before they had to call it quits. At this point Finn was very thankful for not having a solo, because he all through practice he was distracted by Kurt's singing and dancing, secretly fantasizing him dancing with him, or grinding into his chair as he played the piano. That, and Santana and Sam were shooting him looks. He knew what they were thinking, and he knew they would probably approach him after practice, so he made sure to leave the auditorium before they did.

It wasn't until he reached his and Rachel's locker that he remembered she wanted to talk to him, and was probably still waiting for him in the auditorium. Alone.

Crap.

He turned around.

And slammed into Brittany.

"Sorry," he stumbled back. She merely cocked her head to the side and smiled. Finn looked around nervously. Santana and Sam weren't around.

"Santana was talking about you just now," she said conversationally, "are you gonna do it with Sam?"

He really couldn't understand this girl. "I have a girlfriend, of course I'm not gonna do it."

"Then if she wasn't?" she asked, innocently clasping her hands behind her back and twisting girlishly from side to side, her cheerio's skirt swishing against her thighs. "would you?"

Finn frowned. There was something strange in her eyes that he didn't like. Did the word 'cheating' mean anything to her? "I'm not gay," he walked past her, pointedly ignoring the smirk she was giving him.

Rachel was probably still at the auditorium, he didn't leave that long ago. He could imagine her cursing him out for leaving without waiting for her. Ugh, that sounded terrible in his head, and even worse now that he'd done it. And after telling her this morning that he would pay more attention to her too.

He needed to work harder as a boyfriend. He had to make this up to her somehow. Take her to a restaurant or something. Flowers would be good right? She liked flowers.

The other glee members were shuffling down the hall, Sam and Kurt among them. Finn kept his eyes ahead, rushing past them before they could stop him. No such luck, he could hear the little squeaks of white sneakers hitting the floor. That had to be Santana.

He reached the auditorium doors and was about to tell the cheerio off when he saw something through the window of the door. He couldn't believe it at first because…

Because it was just ridiculous!

It was Rachel, standing by the audience seats near the middle of the auditorium, but she wasn't alone. She was with Quinn. They looked like they were hugging, but…

Finn's whole body went cold.

They were kissing. No. They weren't just kissing, they were full on making out, their bodies rubbing and clutching desperately, hands running through hair, teeth nipping, tongues licking, lips pulling. It was all the things that could be described as passionate, and nowhere near what he and Rachel shared, compared to this, their make out sessions were like a kiss on the cheek!

He really wanted to run away. Unfortunately he opened the door before he had time to let go of the handle. The two girls sharply jumped away from each other and looked to the door. Their eyes widened in horror when they saw who exactly interrupted them.

There was a pregnant and uncomfortable silence in which they all felt their stomachs fall. Tears were starting to form in Rachel's eyes, and suddenly Finn understood everything. He understood why she looked so distracted and troubled lately, why he didn't find her that day he looked for her at the auditorium, why she kissed him differently that one time, why she broke down this morning.

This whole time he felt guilty for liking Kurt, and Rachel was doing the same thing behind his back, with his _ex-girlfriend_. He felt stupid, angry, sad, and happy all at the same time it was hard to voice which.

"Finn…" Rachel said in a tiny voice. Although he was partly across the auditorium from her, he heard her clearly. It was that same fragile voice from this morning.

He clutched the door handle, praying that his voice wouldn't shake "You said you wanted to talk?"

The tears were falling quietly and she tried to speak. Quinn wasn't helping, still paralyzed in fear.

"I'm sorry…" Rachel quivered, "I'm so sorry…"

Why didn't he see this coming? Quinn cheated on him, and now Rachel did too. Did he have this 'cheating girlfriend' magnet on him or something? Was he really that easy to be fooled?

He looked from Rachel to Quinn. How long had this been going? He wanted to ask, but his voice wasn't working.

"Finn," Rachel hesitantly took a step forward, "I was going to tell you, but not like this."

He should be crying by now, he did when he found out Quinn's baby was actually Pucks. There had to be at least one tear to shed now, Rachel was cheating on him with Quinn for crying out loud!

Then a thought struck him. It was a terrible thing to think of at the moment, but maybe that's what was keeping him from feeling any real pain.

If Rachel didn't love him, then he was a step closer to being with Kurt.

It was nice to think about, except Kurt was a guy, and he was still uncomfortable with the idea of being gay and most important of all, Kurt didn't like him anymore.

But he did blush when he cupped his cheek…

Finn clenched his jaw. This was too much to think about. One minute he liked Kurt, the next he wasn't sure, and now his girlfriend was making out with his ex-girlfriend.

He looked again between Rachel and Quinn. It was obvious they were over. It was over a long time ago.

"We're done," he sounded strange, but when he heard himself say it, he felt like a heavy burden was lifted from his shoulders. He was free.

Rachel nodded, looking exactly as he felt, though still very upset. He couldn't blame her. They were stupid to continue their pointless relationship.

"Finn," Quinn seemed to snap out of her frozen state, "I…"

He didn't want to hear anything from her. Without a second thought or even a glance to the blonde, he left, shutting the door behind him.

Santana stood waiting behind him, smirking knowingly. Finn wondered if she knew about Rachel and Quinn. Then he wondered if everyone else knew.

He couldn't be that oblivious could he?

"No, I found out just now," she shrugged, reading his mind, "I kind of had an idea, though."

_"You have until Friday to decide."_

Finn bit the corner of his lip. He didn't have the excuse of having a girlfriend to hide behind anymore. To be honest, he was starting to seriously consider giving it a shot. He was a teenager, teenager's experiment, it's natural. He just had to make sure no one found out.

He really hated liking Kurt. If it was just physical, he could move on with his life.

It had to be physical. He was merely…_projecting_ his curiosity on Kurt. So if he did it with Sam it would go away and all would be right with the world.

"Is your offer still up?" he asked quietly, ashamedly.

Santana's smirk widened.

TBC


	10. Black Out

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N: Probably one of the toughest chapters I've ever written X.X it just kept going and going, so hopefully I was able to get my point through among my rusty ass attempt at prons…enjoy?

**Warning:** awkward slash action

…

Chapter Ten

Black Out

…

Friday came faster than he'd anticipated. By this time everyone knew about Finn and Rachel's break-up, and thanks to Jacob's blog the speculations were flying around even worse than the day he fainted. They hadn't talked since they broke up, which led to uncomfortable atmospheres in glee meetings. Mr. Schue was actually starting to fear that he would quit again, but this wasn't like what happened with Quinn and Puck, he was fine for the most part. Thankfully Santana and Brittany left him alone, he relented to do what they wanted, they were satisfied for now.

Now that he was a free man again, thanks to the Florence Nightingale effect that was still going strong, he was getting flocked by girls. Not one of them was Kurt.

It was stupid, but he had the tiniest hope that Kurt would start giving him attention like he did before when he was with Quinn. Nothing. Kurt didn't even bat an eye. All he did was say how sorry he was that he was no longer with Rachel and that was that.

Finn tried to ignore the empty feeling in his chest.

It was Friday. Today he would prove to himself that he wasn't in love with Kurt. He was going to do it with a guy and get the curiosity out of his system.

…He was going to have sex with another guy.

Finn gulped thickly as he shut the door to his locker. Logically, after breaking up with Rachel he took his stuff out of her locker and moved it back in his own, which was developing cobwebs and smelled funny in his absence. It was also where he kept Kurt's iPod. He hadn't touched it in days, afraid that it would only strengthen his feelings for its owner.

But he was nervous today, so he took it out and played it. The first song to come up was Ella Fitzgerald's rendition of Summertime. There were a lot of different versions of the song in the playlist. Finn had no idea how Kurt managed to find half of them. This one was a live show, the only sound being Ella's voice, two constant piano notes, and the occasional bass thrums. It served to put Finn at ease instantly.

There was no glee meeting today. Mr. Schue was doing some teacher thing, and there wasn't a sub at short notice. Great timing, now Finn couldn't have any extra time to think over what he was going to be doing with Sam in a few hours.

He followed the throng of students exiting the school, spotting Rachel and Quinn a few feet ahead. They weren't holding hands, but they were walking very close together. Finn figured they weren't making their relationship public either because of the bullying that might come with it, or they were doing it for his sake.

He was betting his money on the latter, only because they would stay far apart from each other in glee meetings whenever he was around. He didn't miss the longing looks they'd give each other, and instead of their unspoken rule to stay away from each other to make him feel better, it only served to make him feel like crap. If they loved each other, they didn't have to hide it.

Well. It hurt to know they were together, but not in the way he thought. He was admittedly jealous that they found something, and he was after someone that no longer wanted him.

He spotted Kurt farther up ahead, talking animatedly to Mercedes. They were arm in arm as usual. The pang in his chest was getting harder to ignore.

'It's just physical, get a hold of yourself,' he told himself, looking away.

_"So hush…little baby, don't…. you cry,"_ Ella sang softly in his ears.

He could see his bleach blond hair approaching him before he turned to him. He had his bag slung on one shoulder, a nervous look about him. Finn was glad he wasn't the only one.

"Hey," Sam greeted, joining Finn on his trek down the hall. "You ready?"

"I guess," Finn mumbled. He almost jumped when a hand grabbed his arm. It was Santana, with Brittany by her side.

The tanned girl jingled her house keys in front of him, "Don't wanna leave without these do you?" Finn flushed. He completely forgot about the keys. She tossed them to him, "just make sure to clean my bed when you're done, I don't wanna see dried up man sauce on my sheets when I come home."

Finn made a face, pocketing the keys, "what's in it for you if we do this?"

"Cleaning my sheets?" Santana arched an eyebrow as if he were stupid.

"No! I meant…" his cheeks pinked, "what Sam and I are gonna do…"

"There aren't enough gay couples in this school," Brittany answered instantly. Finn frowned at her. For someone who spouted the weirdest things, she kind of made sense. Brittany would plan something like this, but Santana wasn't that kind of person.

The cheerio rolled her eyes at Finn's pointed glare. "Please, I figured I'd help you out a bit, I mean the way you stare at Lady Face? It's starting to get pretty obvious," Finn opened his mouth to argue, but she pressed on, "I can be nice when I want you know!"

Yeah right. He didn't believe her at all. He looked to Sam, and could tell he was starting to have second thoughts. He must have realized exactly what the cheerio was capable of.

"So clean my sheets when you're done," she hooked her arm around Brittany's, "the washer's in the basement, you don't need coins for it, and when you leave, put the keys in the flower pot," she gave them each a leer and steered her girlfriend out the school.

"Have fun you guys!" Brittany called after them.

As cheerful as she was, it did nothing to raise Finn's spirits. He'd been dreading this since the day he agreed to do it. Readjusting his backpack, he trudged on to the parking lot, Sam following behind him.

…

The drive to Santana's house was quiet. Finn didn't dare connect Kurts iPod to the radio, afraid of giving Sam any ideas that he was more than a little interested in Kurt…or that he was on the gay side seeing as the iPod itself was decorated in purple flowers.

Then again what did that matter? He was going to do something gay anyway…

He didn't notice that Sam was just as nervous as him.

Santana's house was at the edge of the next town, in other words, pretty far. Finn still wasn't sure why the girl didn't just go to a closer school. The long distance only added to the nerves upon nerves of growing fear of what would be happening when they reached her house.

He was going to top right?

Just because he had that one wet dream with Kurt topping him didn't mean he was a bottom, that just…didn't feel right.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Sam's voice cut through his thoughts.

"We have to know don't we," Finn turned the corner and hit one of the busier streets. He grew jealous of the oblivious kids wandering around with their friends. What he wouldn't give for that naivety to come back. He wouldn't have to worry about girls, guys, sexuality, nothing. All he'd worry about was if he'd be able to catch his favorite cartoon show in time and whether or not he wanted pizza or chips to go along with it.

"Yeah, but, you've been against it ever since Santana suggested it," Sam shrugged, playing with the loose thread on the bottom of his old backpack. "We don't have to do this you know, we can figure it out another way…"

Finn spared the blond a glance. "You scared?"

"No! I mean…" it was almost impossible for Sam not to pout with the huge lips he had, "a little…maybe…who's…" he blushed, "who's topping?"

The quarterback turned red and almost crashed into the car ahead of him. Finn clutched the wheel and tried to get his bearings. "I-I kind of thought it'd be me…"

Sam blinked owlishly at the driver and gave out a short chuckle, "yeah, I guess that makes sense."

They continued driving in silence.

…

As promised, her house was empty. The lights were out, and it was freaking cold. Finn had once been in Santana's house and it didn't bring any good memories. One second he was doing it with the cheerio, the next, he realized he felt nothing to it and was tossed aside. Number one stupidest thing he'd ever done.

And now he was back at her house about to do another potentially stupid thing that could rival the first. Funny how it kept happening in Santana's room…

"She has a lot of plushies," Sam noted absently, tossing his bag on the floor. Finn looked around the very girly room crowded with plushies and random cheerleader school spirit decorations and nodded.

"I think they've been breeding…they're probably all from Brittany," he made a face at one particular plushie of a very pink unicorn sitting by the dresser and facing the bed. He didn't want to look at that while he was doing it!

Which reminded him.

Sam raised an eyebrow as Finn looked through every corner of the room. He bit back a laugh; Finn looked very much like a dog sniffing around for something. "What are you doing?"

The quarterback replaced the star decorated lamp to its shelf, "I'm checking for cameras, I still don't think Santana's being nice to us by lending us her room." He glared at the teddy bear in his hands, could there be a camera stuffed inside? "Any normal person would think it's gross to lend their room for…well, what we're gonna do…"

The blond laughed. Then it died when he really thought on it. Santana wouldn't…

He joined Finn in his search for cameras.

There was nothing, not even a recorder. So maybe Santana _was_ being nice, it was still weird she gave them her room. Now they were settled on her bed about a foot apart from each other, fiddling their thumbs as if waiting for the other to do something first.

It stayed that way for a long five minutes.

"So…how are we gonna do this?" Sam asked, not looking at him. Finn rubbed the back of his neck distractedly and shrugged. He had no idea; all he had to go by was a dream.

"I guess we start with kissing…" he could feel his face go red. If it was a guy, Finn could only imagine kissing Kurt. Kissing another guy in reality was completely different.

"Okay…" Sam nodded uncertainly. They looked at each other, eyes on the others lips for another long minute. "So…" Sam hesitantly leaned forward. Finn tilted away for a second out of instinct, then quickly remembered he wasn't supposed to do that and inched forward as well.

Their lips pressed against each other, shyly brushing and timidly sucking as if they were afraid of doing too much. Finn shut his eyes tightly, trying to find any kind of pleasure in kissing a guy. His breath wasn't bad, just as normal as anyone else's, maybe a bit minty.

He tried to imagine himself kissing Kurt, but there was only one thing that kept him from picturing the glee diva.

Finn pulled away, "dude, you're lips are huge," he blurted out.

Sam gaped at him. "What?"

Finn flushed, realizing how stupid he sounded. But it was true. Sam's lips were too big and…and attention hogging! Nothing like what he imagined Kurt's lips to be. "Forget I said that…"

Sam arched an eyebrow. "You know it's okay if you don't want to do this."

"No, it's just…" he looked away in shame, "I've only imagined kissing Kurt, which is already weird, but this is weirder."

Sam frowned thoughtfully. There had to be a way to make this easier. He walked to the window, shut the blinds and covered the curtains. Finn watched curiously as he went around the room, covering any sign of light sneaking through cracks before turning the light switch off.

The room was swamped in pitch darkness. Finn could only see a thin lining of Sam's shape coming back to the bed, and then a dip beside him when he sat down.

"Maybe it'll be easier if we have the lights off," Sam's voice cut crisply through the darkness, "you don't look anything like Mike either."

Finn rubbed his clammy hands on his legs. Sure the darkness helped his nerves, but not by much, he was still going to get naked. With another dude.

One thing still bothered him. "What made you like Mike?"

The bed moved up and down as the blond squirmed uncomfortably. "It's kind of weird, but it was after the Rocky Horror thing. Ever since Mike pulled out I started wondering how the show would be if he stayed as Frank-N-Furter, then I…" Finn could feel him shake his head in embarrassment, "started picturing him in fishnet stockings and…well…there's that scene where he's all over Rocky…"

Finn tried to picture it, but instead of Mike, Kurt instantly flashed in his mind. What would have happened if he'd agreed to be Frank-N-Furter instead?

Kurt in fishnet stockings, heavy make-up, and platform heels.

…That was a little too kinky for him.

Wasn't there one scene where Frank-N-Furter had sex with Brad?

His face was heating up again.

"Anyway, let's try again," Sam went on, "I imagine you're Mike, and you imagine I'm Kurt – "

"But his hair's not as long as yours and you have big lips," he panicked.

"Just use your imagination," Sam said dully, "you sound like you don't want to do this. I said it was okay if we didn't – "

"No it's…" he shook his head. He had to get it together; he needed to know right now if what he felt for Kurt was more than just physical. "Okay…let's just kiss again."

He couldn't really see Sam, just the very faint blue lines of his face from whatever light was coming into the room. Leaning into each other was a lot trickier now that the room was pitch black. The first time they leaned in, they hit their noses, then their chins, and somehow Finn managed to poke Sam in the eye. Finally, they got it right and found each other's lips by accident.

'Okay. Just think of Kurt,' Finn chanted in his head. He pictured himself in his 'almost stepbrother's' room. They would be sitting on his fashion forward but quite uncomfortable couch. He would have the smaller teen on top of his lap, hips grinding, lips sucking. Kurt had such soft lips, his hips fitting perfectly against his, their chests pressed to the other as they clutched each other.

Finn bit back a moan. This was the first time he was fantasizing about Kurt on his own will. His pants were getting tight.

In the darkness the size of Sam's lips didn't matter as much anymore. Finn had Kurt on his mind; as far as he knew, he was kissing Kurt right now. He brushed his tongue against his bottom lip. 'Kurt' gasped in surprise, Finn took the chance to sneak his tongue in, exploring the others mouth.

His mouth was hot, a slick velvet tongue sliding against his, wrapping and massaging. Finn grabbed 'Kurt's' shoulder to steady himself and pull him closer. This felt strange, like another dream, but more real. He wanted more.

Sam stiffened when a large hand started palming determinedly over his chest. Turning off the lights definitely helped Finn, now it was his turn. Sam shut his eyes and pictured Mike sitting in Finn's place, kissing him, holding him, running his hands through his hair. He reached out blindly, finding a tense arm hiding under a loose sweater. He pulled closer.

Kurt wasn't as big or as muscular as Sam. Mike was much leaner than Finn.

He pulled 'Mike' on top of him. The bed creaked as he lay back. 'Mike' blanketed heavily over him, but it felt nice, more than nice, almost perfect…

'Kurt' gasped against his mouth as their hips slid against each other. Finn's mind went blank. The fantasy feeling more real in the darkness.

The bed squeaked and groaned in protest as the two boys hesitantly explored each other. Experimentally rubbing here, touching there, imagining with all their willpower, and embarrassedly excited at the thrill of doing something they were always told was wrong.

Warm trembling fingers pulled at clothing. Fumbled over buttons. The uncomfortable tightness relieved slightly from the constant friction of groin against groin.

Someone gasped.

A zipper ripped through the heated darkness.

A groan.

A rustle.

Then a pause.

More rustling. Heavy breathes. The air was growing thick and hot. More friction. More touching.

The world fell back down on Finn when he realized he was completely naked and practically plastered against an equally naked and sweaty Sam.

Sam. Not Kurt.

And there was a hardness other than Finn's in between them. He gulped. What should he do? He said he'd top, but he had no idea how with a guy. The last time he did anything sexual Santana kind of led through the whole thing, and Rachel wasn't much help in the little moments they had, much less Quinn –

"Don't think about it," Sam's breathless voice ghosted over his face. He pulled Finn down and latched onto his lips once more. Their bodies slammed against each other, and for the first time Finn could really feel how a naked guys body felt against his.

There were no boobs in the way, no delicate curves or soft skin. It was all hard muscle and power. There was no fear of going too hard for fear of breaking something. He could feel every tiny movement Sam made, from his chest rising and falling, to the little jerks of his hips trying to stay under control. And then those large calloused hands clutching at his back and pulling at his hair…

It was exhilarating.

Once again Finn's mind was stolen by his fantasies.

'Kurt' squirmed underneath him, his legs spreading, thighs firmly pressed on either side of Finn's hips, pulling him closer, their cocks grinding. A giant heated wave of pleasure engulfed them. Finn cried out softly into 'Kurt's' mouth.

'Kurt' broke their kiss for air. Finn continued his kisses down his neck, tasting salt and sweat. 'Kurt' hummed pleasantly against his ear. Breath tickling his skin.

"Fuck me," he whispered, grinding harder into Finn's hips.

That almost did it.

"Shit…!" Finn gasped, pushing away from 'Kurt' his cock twitching in excitement. He was close. He was really close. Damnit why did he have to have this problem!

"Sorry," he could feel Sam sit up in front of him, "I kind of got into it…"

"No it's…" he forced slow steady breaths. Calm down. Don't blow just yet. Calm down. "I…" he blushed in embarrassment, thankful that Sam couldn't see him. "I kind of have this problem…"

"Huh?" there was a long pause and then, "oh…OH! Uh…then are you gonna be able to…?"

"Yeah," he answered quickly, grasping his knees. It seemed to be working; he managed to escape the dreaded pre-mature climax. "I'm getting better at it…I think…"

There was another pause. Finn wasn't sure if that meant they should start making out again, but then Sam moved around him and leaned over the bed. There was a series of zippers flying and rustling before he pulled back up again holding something that was crunching and ripping.

"Here," he reached out blindly and grabbed Finn's hand, placing in it something that felt like a flimsy rubber disc. "Might as well do this now than skirt around it."

Finn nodded mutely. He placed the condom on as another sound pierced through the darkness, this time of what seemed to be a plastic lid of a bottle snapping open.

"What are you – shit!" Finn jolted when a cold goo slicked hand knocked against his stomach and grabbed his erection, jerking it a few times before shakily going away.

The bed creaked as Sam crawled towards Finn and loosely straddled his waist. He could hear Sam squeeze some of the contents of the mystery bottle on his hand before tossing it aside. At first Finn wasn't sure what he was doing, and it took him a good minute to really think on it for him to figure it out.

Of course. Girl's had their own natural lubrication thing going on. Guys didn't have that. So then…

Sam rested his forehead against Finn's shoulder, the little hitches in his breath telling the Frankenteen enough of what was happening.

Finn blushed.

And he wasn't sure why, but he felt himself grow harder.

…But that's gross! Sam was sticking his fingers in his ass! How did that even remotely feel good!

…What _did_ it feel like?

Before he could give himself any second thoughts, Finn grabbed the bottle by his side and squeezed out a good amount of the mystery goo on his fingers. Slickening them up, he reached behind Sam and grabbed the blond's hand.

"Let me try," his voice sounded husky, but he didn't pay it any mind. Sam let out a sigh and pulled his hand away to steady himself better against Finn.

He grabbed at Sam's round cheeks, like he used to with Rachel. They felt firmer and less curvy. Another strangely nice difference. Finn bit the corner of his lip in concentration and sneaked a finger down the crack, finding the little wrinkled entrance winking in anticipation.

He sank a finger in slowly. Sam's breathing hitched like before. He slid it in deeper and the blond winced in pain.

'I can't believe I'm doing this,' Finn thought wonderingly. He shut his eyes and imagined Kurt once more.

He would be just as tight, hugging his finger and pulling him in welcomingly. He was burning on the inside. Shuddering and writhing with ecstasy at his one touch. Arching his back beautifully, pushing against his finger to get more of him.

"Nnh…" 'Kurt' mewled, startling Finn.

He hadn't realized he pushed a second finger in. Sam seemed to be over his pain from the looks, or rather feel, of how he shallowly rolled into his fingers.

They kept that way for a bit longer. By the time Finn added a third finger, Sam smacked his hand away.

"I-I think I'm ready," he stammered, hovering over Finn's hardness.

'Don't come, don't come, don't come,' Finn chanted in his head. There was an awkward moment in which they had to work to keep Finn's tip from slipped around and away from Sam's entrance. Sweat was starting to bead at Finn's forehead by the time he finally penetrated the other teen.

All that preparation seemed to do nothing. "Shit…freakin…tight," Finn was only able to say in his efforts to keep from coming. Sam didn't have anything to say, shoulders tense from the pain of having something big invade him.

He felt like he was going to split in two. He felt like it was going to cut off.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

They waited again.

And waited.

And wondered how the hell gay guys did it.

Finally, Sam was relaxed enough to go down further.

And further until his was sitting neatly on Finn's lap.

It felt good. It felt really good. But he was getting close again. He tried to warn Sam, but he moved again. Going up.

Then down.

Up…

…down…

Up…down..up..down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

They were panting. Too caught up to talk. Sam's blunt nails dug into Finn'a back, his cheek pressed against his. He was in pain, but it was slowly melting away. The invader didn't seem as weird anymore. What if he pushed further…?

Sam arched sharply with a shuddering gasp. Finn wasn't sure what happened, but the blonde started bouncing faster, skin loudly smacking against his.

"Fu…ck…!" the blond gasped, unaware that the little noises he made were pushing Finn further to the edge.

'Don't come, don't come!'

Too late.

He let out a strangled groan of protest, quickly pulling out of the surprised and now disappointed Sam, and ripping off the used condom. He rode out the rest of his climax, humiliated.

There was an awkward silence.

Finn sighed. Even with a guy he still sucked at controlling himself.

"So…anything?"

"What?" he frowned, trying to spot Sam through the swirling stars still fluttering in his vision.

"Do you like Kurt or was it just physical?"

It was too quick, he instantly thought, then flushed. "I…don't know…" he rubbed the back of his neck, "it's the same as when I did it with Santana, I felt nothing…well…I guess it was too short to tell…" he slumped his shoulders, he really was lame.

"I think I like Mike," Sam admitted quietly, shyly, "I didn't feel much either, but when I started thinking about him…it's more than just sex."

Finn looked down at where he assumed his hands on his lap would be. "I still don't know." He flushed again, that sounded like an invitation! "I mean, I'm not saying we should do it again, I mean I kind of suck at –"

"Let's try it another way," Sam cut in innocently, "I'll top."

"But –"

"We might as well, I'm still hard," he was leaning over the bed again. "Maybe you really like Kurt topping you, but you don't know it yet."

Finn stiffened. His wet dream coming back to him. Sam busied himself with slipping on the condom and lubing himself up. That dream…Why was it Kurt topping him? It couldn't have been based on all the times he caught his almost-stepbrother having brief moments of masculinity. The guy was smaller and more flamboyant than a girl! He, Finn Hudson, was quarterback of the football team, he dated girls, he was probably the manliest guy around, why the hell would he be a _bottom!_

And wasn't that shit painful anyway!

He was pushed back to lie against the bed. His head hit a very soft and fluffy pillow. A reminder that they were in Santana's room, the girl who took his virginity and who was lending them her room for…_this._

Finn scowled and pulled the pillow out, tossing it haphazardly aside. Later when the lights would go back he'd consider himself very lucky for not tossing it just a little bit harder and hitting the gaudy expensive looking star lamp.

He could hear Sam spreading the cold goop on his fingers like a drum beat to his doom. Lips were on his again, knees plying apart his rigid legs. Finn expected fingers to be poking at his ass, but they didn't come. One goo-less hand was running up and down his chest, massaging and caressing.

"Just think of Kurt," Sam said softly, his slickened fingers confidently gripping Finn's deflated member.

Kurt jerking him off…

Kurt kissing him and rubbing his slim body against his like the time he sang Closer. That was one lucky mic stand…

He thought back to the dream. As much as he hated it, he pictured it correctly, with Kurt taking the lead and pushing him onto the sofa, tearing through his clothes and desperately grinding his hips against him. Finn remembered involuntarily opening up to the smaller teen. He couldn't recall being so eager before with girls.

He cringed. 'Kurt's' finger had entered him without warning. It wasn't painful at first, just really weird; it didn't belong there. Finn bit his lip and tried to relax, remembering that's what Sam did.

Another finger entered, the weirdness turning into pain and discomfort. Now this felt really unnatural. Perhaps he really was straight after all.

"Relax," 'Kurt' breathed into his ear seductively. Finn shivered.

The fingers started moving in shallow thrusts as the pain ebbed away. The weirdness was still there. Finn squirmed uncomfortably. Out, they needed to get out…they needed to…to…

He frowned curiously. As odd as it was, it was starting to feel a little good in a painful sort of way….

No wait…he shimmied a little more against the fingers. It felt kind of nice….

No…really nice…

He couldn't stop the little noise from escaping his lips as he pushed a bit more demandingly into 'Kurt's' fingers. His member was back to life again.

Finn bent his knees up for more leverage and he rolled his hips harder. He didn't expect this to feel so teasingly good. He tossed his head to the side, digging into the mattress.

All too soon, the fingers left.

And all too quickly something huge was barging into him.

"Shit!" Finn blurted out, instinctively clenching up.

"Ow!" Sam pulled out, "dude relax, it's not that bad."

Of course it wasn't that bad for Sam, he was topping! Finn settled down and forced himself to relax his muscles. He couldn't figure out how he managed to get inside Sam before without splitting him in two, or why the blond even found it pleasurable.

So again, how did gay guys do it?

The gigantic _thing_ was forcing itself in him once more. Finn clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel himself start to go soft. There was nothing sexy about this, it really hurt.

Lips slid over his throat, nipping and sucking at skin. A hand was coaxing his ass to relax, gripping and massaging him rather nicely. Finn breathed deeply, shyly spreading his legs a little more to give Sam more room, and to hopefully reduce some of the pain.

The huge rod inched further little by little. Finn let out a grunt of pain. Just a bit and Sam would be fully sheathed inside him.

He pulled out slowly. Finn let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. Sam pushed back in and his breath got caught in his throat again. He pulled out…pushed in…

Finn clenched the sheets so tight they were starting to hurt. With every turtle slow thrust, Sam was getting deeper inside of him. It felt too invading to be good.

But aside from that it felt wrong.

Sam wasn't Kurt.

Maybe he really did like the diva.

No. It had to be physical! Kurt was already over him wasn't he? Liking him back would be useless now.

Somewhere between contemplating his feelings and handling the pain, Finn started to feel strange. Something was happening inside him like with the fingers, but more extreme. It felt like all his frustrations were being pushed away like it would with a massage. A very intense massage from deep inside him.

All of the sudden being gay didn't sound so bad after all.

Sam remained ignorant of the other boy's little epiphany. He kept his steady pace, lips still latched on Finn's neck, arms holding him up on either side of Finn's head. He did notice something changed when the teen underneath him started writhing, bucking his hips up to meet his.

"H-harder!" Finn gasped.

All the shocked Sam did was imagine it was Mike who said that and he was off like a rocket.

The bed was creaking once more, jerking back and forth, occasionally banging against the wall. Finn grabbed hold of Sam's hips as the blond sat up for a better position, his fingers creating bruises on his pale skin.

More.

He wasn't sure why, but it was like his body was telling him there was a higher bliss yet to be reached. It was awfully alluring, yet so far away, and the mounting pleasure as Sam continuously pounded him only helped in erasing his sanity.

Sam was having the same trouble as well, but he didn't dawdle in his thoughts. He slammed his hips harder and faster.

The bed's creaking, banging, groaning competed with their great moans and gasps for air. And finally…

Finn's blunt nails dug into Sam's skin, a cry of pure ecstasy ripping out of his throat. He didn't care anymore, he spread his legs as wide as possible, inviting Sam to push deeper inside him.

'Kurt' moaned and obliged, hitting that wonderful sweet spot within Finn each and every time.

The quarterback arched involuntarily, panting and whining softly, lost in the heaven of absolute rapture. He needed this. All the daily pains and frustrations of life, Rachel cheating on him with Quinn, struggling with his feelings for Kurt, school, family, everything! It was all wiped clean off his body. Finn never felt so good in his life, not with Santana or Rachel. He needed this rough and powerful body with its flat muscular planes against him, pounding the living shit out of him, relieving him, giving him instant satisfaction! This was bliss! This was incredible!

"Kur…Kurt…!" he panted, licking his dry lips, tossing his head from side to side. "Fuck…Kurt – hnn!...Kurt…!"

'Kurt' grabbed him confidently. Finn couldn't hold it in anymore, he came. His cum spilled over so powerfully some splattered over his face. 'Kurt' kept his grip on him, stroking him firmly, and milking him until he rode out his climax. Through the hazy fog of dazedness and his slow descent from heaven Finn could faintly hear Sam come too, some seed spilling over his splayed out thighs. He didn't mind.

Finn shut his eyes, still breathless, his muscles a mess of jelly.

So that's how gay guys did it.

TBC


	11. Noticing

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

...

Chapter Eleven

Noticing

...

They didn't stay at Santana's house for long. Following her orders, they washed the sheets, cleaned up any other mess they made, and left the house as fast as possible. If Finn ever saw that bedroom again it would be in hell.

He took a glance at the empty passenger seat. He'd already dropped Sam off at his house. They hadn't said much after what happened. He wasn't very willing to, and he figured Sam felt the same.

As he rolled into the driveway of his home, Finn unwillingly thought back to what he felt when… well when he was playing bottom.

He actually liked it. It wasn't really factoring into his overwhelmed brain, but he knew what he felt, and how wrong and perfect the experience was.

It wasn't only the physical pleasure of being pounded senseless. Finn blushed. It was the thought of Kurt pinning him down and doing it to him.

And not just going crazy. Finn also imagined Kurt would be they type to want to go slow. Stretch out the rhythm as if each thrust were filled with…

Love.

Shaking his head, Finn cleared his throat. This was starting to alarm him. In the few weeks he started noticing these feelings, they only continued to get stronger. This was going way past a simple crush, or mere curiosity.

He slouched miserably over the wheel, regret filling him. If he hadn't done it with Sam, he'd still be assuming this was all curiosity. This was supposed to get it out of his system, not make him desire it even more!

And now there was nothing he could do about it.

Kurt no longer loved him, and it was all his fault. This was probably karma getting back at him for pushing Kurt away. For yelling and insulting him.

His chest felt tight again. There'd be no point in telling him he loved him now. He still didn't quite understand it himself. How could a few moves and singing snatch him so quickly? This wasn't supposed to happen! He should be blindly happy with Rachel right now, not pining over a hopeless cause!

Rachel.

He sat up and stared at the garage door bitterly. Rachel didn't love him either. He had such luck with girlfriends. The first one cheated on him with his best friend, and then strung him on, making him believe he was the father of their child. Then the second one runs off to the first one.

But it still didn't hurt as he assumed it would. It hurt that he had never been able to hold up a relationship without anyone cheating on him. Was he that bad of a boyfriend, or was he just some trophy to tote around until he got boring?

When he thought of it that way, it hurt even more.

What if Kurt felt the same as Rachel and Quinn when he was crushing on him? That he was a trophy?

That hurt more than anything else.

Sighing, Finn shut off the engine and got out of the car. Living with Kurt was going to be hell from now on. He hoisted his book bag over his shoulder, flinging something that had been tangled in the shoulder strap. Catching it before it hit the ground, Finn realized it was the purple flowery iPod he'd been clinging to these past few days. How did it get all caught up in his shoulder strap?

Freeing the headphones, he pocketed the music device and went inside the house.

The living room was right by the door, so when Finn entered, his first sight was the sofa.

Kurt was sleeping on the sofa.

He felt his hands tremble, and his stomach flip. Of all the people to greet him, he didn't want it to be a sleeping Kurt. Finn bit his lip, painfully reminded of the tumultuous feelings that developed for his almost brother.

Oblivious to his nervous intruder, Kurt continued sleeping blissfully. Finn watched in a trance as the smaller teen's chest slowly rose and fell. Pink lips parted and releasing soft gusts of air. He was draped over the sofa as if thrown haphazardly there. Neatly combed hair now mussed up against the pillows and tickling the edges of his porcelain face. One arm over his head and hanging off the armrest of the sofa. Legs splayed out…

Finn realized too late that he was leaning over the smaller teen, observing him more closely with the overwhelming desire to press his lips against those soft pink ones. What would they taste like? Would he wake Kurt up?

"What the hell are you doing?"

Finn's blood turned to ice. He straightened up so quickly, he almost fell over. Burt looked at him from the kitchen door with a deep frown. Gulping, Finn stumbled backwards, hitting the coffee table and almost falling over again.

Shitshitshitshitshit!

"Um…I was just…um…" he scrambled down the hallway, unable to think of a good excuse of being seconds away from kissing Burt Hummel's son. Gratefully, he reached his room and locked himself inside.

He could faintly hear Kurt's tired voice asking what happened, and his father saying it was nothing in a gruff tone. Finn's legs gave out from the shock. He slid down the door and sat there for what felt like forever. The dull ache on his lower back once he hit the floor unceremoniously a reminder of what he'd done earlier.

He had sex with Sam, and then turned and almost kissed Kurt.

Finn buried his head in his knees, self disgust clawing over him as the reality of what he'd done finally hit him. This was no better than the night he let Santana take his virginity from him. He went and let Sam do the same thing. He might as well call himself a slut.

He didn't deserve Kurt.

_"…thought we said goodbye last night…"_

Momentarily confused, Finn looked down at his pocket. The headphones had jostled out in his run to his room, and apparently he managed to turn it on without realizing it. Billie Holiday's voice quietly crawled up his ears, gripping onto his disappointments and self disgust.

_"…Wish I'd forget you, but you're here to stay…"_

His vision blurred. He retreated under his arms, biting the corner his lip hard.

…

Burt stood in front of the door with great reluctance. It was dinner time and Carole wanted everyone at the table. That included Finn. Carole was busy setting up the table, the only person missing was the boy who almost gave a sleeping beauty kiss to his son. Like hell he was going to let Kurt retrieve the boy for dinner.

Not after what he saw earlier.

Burt rubbed the bridge of his nose. Of all the things he had to witness, he didn't want to see his almost step son about to kiss his only son. While he was defenselessly asleep. It took a lot of willpower not to kill Finn right on the spot.

Now the boy had to join them at the dinner table, probably trying to make eyes with his son. Burt bit back a groan. When the hell did Finn start liking Kurt that way anyway?

At least Finn was still scared of him if his reaction earlier was anything to go by. Burt sighed. Why couldn't Finn still be with Rachel? What happened to that?

He knocked on the door. "Finn? Dinner," he said shortly.

"I'm not hungry," the teens depressed and muffled voice said through the door. Burt could picture him sitting against it like those...what did they call them nowadays? Emo kids? He frowned.

"Kid, you gotta eat," he paused thoughtfully, "and I'm not gonna kill you for what happened before."

"I'm not hungry."

Burt stood back contemplatively. If he told Carole that her son didn't want dinner, she'd start to worry. He rubbed his chin; he really didn't want to do this.

Awkwardly, he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Good. Burt almost sighed in relief. That didn't solve the current problem though, and now he was pretty sure Finn wasn't trying to go and rape Kurt earlier. He was obviously going through some tough issues. But Burt still didn't feel comfortable with having Finn near Kurt.

"Fine, we'll save you a plate," he rubbed the back of his neck and returned to the kitchen.

Carole and Kurt looked up from their plates expectantly. Burt mentally winced. The next few days were certain to try his sanity.

…

It was one of the few occasions that Finn wished it wasn't the weekend. At least in McKinley he could distract himself with school work and keeping himself out of Karofsky and Azimio's path when they felt a good slushie was in order. Kurt would be far from his mind by then.

He also had work to distract him, but that was only a few hours a day, and Kurt would always be home by the time he returned. It was only the Saturday, but Finn knew he wouldn't be able to avoid dinner forever, and even when he'd sneak into the kitchen for a snack, he'd always hear music coming from Kurt's room, making him feel too jittery to eat anything.

Which was his current situation. He was in the middle of preparing microwave pizza when a soft orchestra of music wafted from the basement door. After listening to the iPod non-stop since he got it, Finn knew exactly what the name of the song was before any singing occurred.

_"I'm in the mood for love…"_

He set his jaw and glared hard at the declining red numbers of the microwave. It would be two minutes before the pizza was done. He could just leave for his room and come back later. His stomach was already fluttering, and his hands were turning clammy. Pretty soon, if his mind betrayed him, he'd risk getting a boner if he stayed and longer.

_"Sweetheart you have me under a spell…"_

Fumbling, he dumped the package the pizza came in, and made to leave the kitchen. His room wasn't so far that he wouldn't hear the familiar beeps of the microwave, he just had to listen hard enough. There was homework to catch up on too. Maybe he could go to Puck's place and play video games. Or visit Rachel and…

Oh.

He stopped at the door. That's right. He wasn't with Rachel anymore, it wouldn't make sense to see her. She was probably with Quinn anyway. He looked at the clock by the phone, which was also near the place he was trying to run away from.

Three thirty in the afternoon. Finn was willing to bet his two ex-girlfriends were together right now. Probably going past whatever level he was at with Rachel. He sighed. Unsurprisingly, whenever Kurt was nearby, it didn't hurt as much to think about the two girls who lied to him.

_"Such a strong appeal tonight…"_

He felt his whole body shiver. Kurt's voice had never had such an effect before. It was almost frightening, yet in a good way. Finn groaned and rubbed his face as if to remove the sappy feelings from his head. There had to be something wrong with him.

The back door opened, his mother and Burt bustling in after grocery shopping. Finn internally sighed in relief for the distraction from the weird thoughts that had taken over him the past few days. He helped Carole with the bags vaguely noting with renewed hunger the boxes of his favorite cereals, sausages, beef, and packets of microwave junkfood.

"You're home early," his mother said after sighing in relief, "got any homework done?" Knowing she wouldn't like a 'no', Finn nodded mutely. Carole scrutinized him with an arched eyebrow anyway, "get to it after helping me."

_"Heaven in your eyes…"_

Burt perked up. "Kurt's here?" he gave Finn an odd look.

"Y-yeah," he stammered, shrinking under the man's penetrating stare. "He's been practicing all day," he added, hoping Burt wasn't assuming things, "I just came back a few minutes ago…" Actually it was an hour ago, but Burt didn't need to know that.

Satisfied, Burt busied himself with putting away the groceries. Carole smiled as Kurt's light voice breezed into the kitchen. "He's got a beautiful voice."

"Yeah…" Finn sighed quietly.

Both Carole and Burt raised eyebrows at him. Biting his tongue and mentally cursing himself, Finn scrambled for a decent excuse, but before he could even think of the first word, the music from downstairs shut off suddenly, running feet pounding up stairs until the basement door burst open and Kurt flew into the kitchen.

"Hey," he greeted breathlessly, walking up to the bags occupying the table. "did you get my baby spinach?" he asked, fishing through the bags.

"Yes we did," Carole said dramatically, presenting the shorter teen with a bag of the leafy green. "Why is it that you don't prefer Iceberg again?"

Finn gulped discreetly. If his nerves were aflutter while Kurt had been singing, they were on fire now, just as all the other times he'd been around the boy. It didn't help that Kurt was fresh from what looked like a work out.

Kurt had chosen to be different again. A hobby that was starting to drive Finn crazy. Instead of the familiar skin tight leggings he'd wear for exercise, he was in slightly loose fitting deep blue shorts, showing off milky white shaved legs with a modest hint of lean muscle no doubt developed from years of practicing dance numbers for shows. His white, surprisingly plain t-shirt was clinging to his smooth yet very masculine body from sweat. Finn could faintly note the small bumps of developing muscles. His pale arms flew around in gestures as he conversed with Carole, showing off soft small hands, yet there was still one or two veins that stuck out notably from the back of his hands. His face was flushed and happy, teal eyes vibrant with life, his light brown hair darkened from sweat and matted down in a messy toil. He was still as slim and soft as ever, but the presence of growing masculinity was there. Finn had never imagined Kurt had such a body.

Or that it was turning ever more attractive.

Burt cleared his throat loudly. Cheeks flaring up in embarrassment, Finn quickly looked away and helped his mother put away the food, pointedly avoiding looking anywhere near Kurt for fear of being caught openly staring again.

He could not believe he just did that.

"What's with this getup," Burt asked his son lightly. Finn almost flinched, understanding the undertones of suspicion.

Kurt shrugged, pulled at one end of his sweaty shirt, "I didn't want to ruin my good clothes, and all my workout clothes are in the laundry." He laughed when his father looked at him disbelievingly, "Glee practices have left me too exhausted to catch up with any kind of chores my room needs. I've been cleaning all day, actually." He looked over himself once more with a grin, "I think I like this get up," he laughed, "I don't need anything fancy for a work out anyway."

"Huh…" Burt didn't believe his son. Not wanting anymore suspicious glares sent his way, Finn finished with putting the last of the groceries in the fridge and went to get his pizza.

It burned a while ago in its final minute in the microwave.

TBC Sorry if this chapter's a bit boring! Will try to update soon! Thanks for reading!


	12. Enter Puck

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N: Apologies for taking a while again, I've been having an on and off fever all week that couldn't get properly taken care of because of the risk of getting dropped from my sugar showpiece class X.X It's the weekend though, so I'm finally near healthy again (WOOT!) to punch out a chapter :) enjoy!

…

Chapter Twelve

Enter Puck

…

The weekend couldn't pass by quick enough. At first Finn was ecstatic until he realized one thing as he pulled up into the school parking lot. There was a glee meeting and it wasn't only going to be Kurt's presence that would make him uncomfortable, but also Brittany and Santana's, and especially Sam's.

What would he do around the blond anyway? They left off in a quiet end after what they did Friday, but that was it. He was never going to look at him the same way again either. He may have not had a clear view of his body as they had sex, but he definitely knew how it felt. How confusing it felt…

It wasn't anywhere near his feelings for Kurt, but they were there, and he had no idea how to describe them into the right words other than interest. Half of him thought that maybe since any future with Kurt was impossible, then at least there could be one with Sam. The other half thought that was kind of gross.

He was still contemplating in his mess of thoughts when a familiar cheerio parked herself next to him while he was in the middle of getting a few text books from his locker. He almost jumped a foot in the air.

"So how'd it go?" Santana asked innocently, smirking deviously and arching an elegant eyebrow. Although Finn frowned, he couldn't stop the light blush from rising to his cheeks, nor the nerves from rattling up again. He glanced around furtively in case anyone was listening in.

The hall was crowded, but no one, thankfully, was paying any attention to them.

"Why do you care?" he shut his locker a little too loudly and set off for class, hoping the cheerio wouldn't follow.

Santana didn't take the hint and chased after him, "Why?" she was still grinning, but there was a bit of malice in her voice, "I lent you my _room_ I deserve to know the results," she hissed in a whisper.

That made Finn feel guilty, but it still didn't make him want to give a direct answer. "Why do you want to know?" he frowned, "this can't be about you being all nice."

Santana huffed and rolled her eyes dramatically. Finn noted with surprise that Brittany was nowhere in sight. He mildly wondered where the other half of the pair was.

"All right you wanna know the truth?" she muttered under her breath, eyeing a group of students as they passed. "I want to make Brittany happy, and she has it in her head – after you and Sam _blabbed_ about it – that you and Miss Diva would make a cute couple as well as him and Asian boy."

Finn did a double take, almost tripping over his own feet, "you want to set us up to make Brittany happy?" he asked dully. Santana glared back challengingly, but he didn't back down, "bull."

"I'm losing her," she said suddenly, grabbing his shoulder before he could walk away. Finn frowned deeply. "And what makes her happy other than myths and fairytales, is guys groping each other," Finn still wasn't buying it, "look I know it sounds weird to you but relationships don't stay together just by doing nothing, it requires work."

At first Finn was about to make a crack at her definition of relationship when the rest of her comment hit home. That hurt. He was thrown back to thinking about Quinn and Rachel again. "I have class," he said lamely, wrenching his arm from Santana's grasp, "see you at practice."

And of course, he would have gone off to his intended class all cool leaving the cheerio fuming and in the middle of a crowded hallway. But life liked joking with him, so when he turned to leave, he bumped straight into Kurt and Mercedes.

Kurt fell into his best friend's side with a look of surprise before glaring at the person who bumped him. "Watch where you're go – oh Finn it's you," he straightened himself up and dusted off any invisible dust and wrinkles from his expensive clothes, "well, watch where _your_ going, you almost ruined my Valentino shirt."

"S-Sorry," Finn stumbled, taking a nervous glance back at Santana before swerving away from the group.

Santana didn't need any more hints to tell her what just happened. She smirked mischievously and turned to the fashion forward pair. "Kurt, you got a minute?"

The glee diva looked at her skeptically, "hun, if it's fashion advice I don't know how much I can help you with."

"It's not that," she waved him off before realizing what he said, "what's wrong with my clothes?"

…

He had forgotten that he shared a few classes with the very people he wanted to avoid. Santana and Brittany had left him alone though, spending more time to themselves in the other end of the classroom. Finn wondered what Santana was so paranoid for, if she wasn't lying that is, since Brittany seemed pretty happy in their relationship. He wondered what benefit there was in a girl seeing two guys kiss or touch when she couldn't be a part of it herself. Exactly what went through Brittany's head anyway?

The one class he had with Sam went just as breezily as well. When Finn thought about it logically, it made sense. Sam was in his shoes too, he wanted to avoid him as much as possible.

Kurt was another problem. He had no idea what Finn had done and treated him as usual. By planting himself next to him and giving a light commentary about their teacher's state of dress. Weeks ago, Finn would have been fine with this except now he noticed every little thing the shorter teen did, like occasionally squirm in his seat almost teasingly from boredom, tap his pen against his notebook in impatience, huff softly through pink lips…

It was a miracle Finn was able to give cohesive responses to the boy when he asked him something.

Finally glee club arrived, combining all the people Finn really didn't want to see in one room. He was sitting between Artie and Tina when Mr. Schue arrived not looking his usual happy self.

"Figgins has moved our show to the end of February," he announced unceremoniously, grumpily dumping his stack of music notes in the chair he'd usually sit in.

"What?" Rachel's voice rang out among the collective shouts of protest. "He can't do that! We've been practicing like crazy!"

"Is Coach Sylvester behind this?" Puck asked angrily, "he might as well have cancelled the show!"

"Relax," Schue held his hands out commandingly, "we're just going to have to work around this, and it'll give us more time to perfect the show, we still haven't figured out our big ending yet."

Grumbling, the group settled back down. Finn, though, was secretly relieved. Throughout practices he was sure he wasn't doing as well as the others, having been distracted by Kurt. Hopefully by February he'd have gotten over his feelings.

He glanced across the group to the neatly combed head of his almost stepbrother. He was chatting happily with Mercedes, oblivious of the pair of eyes latched on him. Once again he found himself wondering why he became attracted to him so easily. It was totally unfair.

"Stare any harder and even he'll notice," Santana whispered in his ear from above him. Finn bit back a yelp of surprise and whipped around to face her with a glare. She smirked back at him.

He was about to snap back at her if he hadn't noticed Artie giving him an odd look. "What?"

"Were you…" he seemed to think better of it and shook his head, "never mind." For a wild second Finn feared he'd seen him staring too, but forced himself not to worry. At least Artie wasn't making a big deal out of it…right?

Finn started praying to whatever god listening that the teen hadn't seen him staring at Kurt.

"I've got you! Under my skin!"

Finn looked back to the front in surprise; he hadn't heard practice starting already. He watched as Puck danced in front of them with a confident grin. Rachel was swinging in the background with the guitar. Finn noted that all attraction he had to her dissipated. He used to find her hot when she played the guitar. Now it was just…nothing. Just an attractive girl on guitar, that's all. He looked over to Quinn. She seemed passive, but he could see the barely contained hunger in her eyes as she stared at her girlfriend.

Did he look like that when he went out with Rachel?

Better yet, did he look like that now when he stared at Kurt?

Finn flushed.

"So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me," Puck swooned on the spot and…

Finn straightened up with a frown.

Puck was looking at Kurt.

He knew that look.

"I've got you! Under my skin!" Puck continued singing, all the while keeping his eyes on the startled Kurt, "I tried so…not to give in."

Finn's knuckles turned white.

…

If he had the chance he would have pulled Puck aside and demanded answers. Then again, knowing his temper when it came to his traitor of a friend, he'd throw in a few punches before the first question was asked.

As it were, after his performance, Puck nestled himself comfortably between Kurt and a miffed Mercedes, easily pulling him into a conversation which, to Finn's horror, got Kurt enthusiastically engaged. Finn was pretty sure if he stepped in it wouldn't only piss the boy off, but also raise suspicious eyebrows. The last thing Finn wanted right now was everyone staring at him like some sort of psycho who jumped out of the closet.

…No, he wasn't in the closet…

He bit his lip as he anxiously kept throwing glances at Kurt and Puck. The meeting was almost over and they were still chatting away.

Okay, he had sex with Sam, but the whole time it wasn't the blond Finn was thinking of, it was Kurt. He wasn't gay per se, he was just…very attracted to his almost stepbrother.

Though he did consider having something with Sam if it didn't work out with Kurt…

Finn rubbed his eyes tiredly. This was making his head hurt; he didn't know what he was anymore.

"Okay guys, lets take it from the top," Mr. Schue's voice cut through the din of the club.

With some reluctance, the group got up from their seats and took their places in the imaginary stage. Finn was standing behind Tina and was trying and failing to make himself look invisible. A hard task when the only think blocking you side a tiny girl half your size.

The music to It Don't Mean a Thing started up and rehearsal took off from there. As they danced across the room, Finn kept knocking into people, once again distracted by the way Kurt played the piano with fervent gusto.

"Hey," Sam approached him once the song ended, "are you doing all right?"

Finn flinched, guilt washing over him and a light tinge of pink staining his flushed cheeks. "I'm fine," he mumbled shortly, moving to stand behind Artie as the next song started. Sam wasn't convinced, and followed.

"Is it about your crush?" he whispered. Finn tripped over his feet and narrowly miss falling over Brittany.

"Guys focus!" Mr. Schue called out. Finn shot the blond a sharp glare before continuing the rehearsal.

He hadn't expected Sam to corner him after the meeting. Nor had he expected what happened right after that.

…

He had made a beeline for his locker, needing to gather a few books before heading to the parking lot. It was probably his anxiousness to leave that he hadn't noticed the extra pair of sneakers squeaking behind him. So he was scared shitless when Sam leaned against the lockers next his, frowning in concern.

"What's wrong?" was his first question. A stupid question.

Stuffing his books in his bag, Finn shut the door to his locker and breezed past him. Sam wasn't letting him go though, and he grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"You haven't spoken to me all day, I'm not asking for us to be all mushy or best friends, but if you're freaking out about what we did Friday then say something, because you were seriously fucking up in rehearsals," he was glaring now, a strange and frightening look for the usually calm blond, "and I know this is also about Kurt."

Finn pulled his arm away, "it doesn't matter," he clenched his jaw, images of Kurt directing his dizzying smile to Puck bringing a wave of nausea up his throat, "I'll practice harder in rehearsals."

"Of course it matters," Sam fell into step with him as he went down the hall, "you're more of a mess than I am, people are gonna start to notice."

"I don't care," he shot back, hitching his bag higher. And he really didn't. Not right now at least. The only thing replaying in his head at the moment was Puck easily wooing Kurt through song, and then the two flirting up a storm right after. How could Kurt fall so easily to someone like Puck? He had to have been leading him on; Kurt was too smart for that. He should know not to be interested in Puck, not after what he did!

Sam was still rambling. "I know I'm still new here, but I've been here long enough to know Puck's not right for Kurt, and if it's bothering you enough to screw up practice then get Kurt to see reason or something."

"I can't," Finn grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His fingers closed over the familiar iPod, the casing cold against his touch.

"Why not?" Sam huffed. "Do it as a friend at least – "

"I said I can't!"

"Why!"

"He's not looking at me anymore!" Finn exploded, stopping Sam in his tracks. Finn took a few deep breaths, realizing what he'd just said and instantly regretting he yelled it.

But it was true. Kurt had stopped paying him any attention. He stopped a long time ago and he was only now just noticing. Kurt moved on.

He was too late.

Something inside him cracked. Unable to look at the blond any longer, Finn turned away, the rims of his eyes burning bitterly. He spun around a corner to where he knew the closest exit would be, and stopped short.

Down the hall and pressed against the lockers was Kurt, but he hadn't noticed him. He was too busy getting the daylights kissed out of him by Finn's enthusiastic ex-best friend. Finn was rooted on the spot, his ears ringing with every little smack and pop the pair's lips made against each other.

Something inside him shattered.

TBC


	13. Out

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N: here it is, lucky number thirteen, thanks for reading, with school done, I'll hopefully be able to update more frequently!

…

Chapter Thirteen

Out

…

Kurt wasn't as stupid or desperate as he was sure everyone at glee club probably thought he was when Puck approached him. He wasn't as blind or oblivious as he was pretty sure Finn thought he was either. Then again, no one was blind to someone as inconspicuous as an elephant like Finn.

He couldn't deny he was curious though.

He had seen Finn's change in behavior in the past few weeks. How the taller boy had become quieter, and started staring at him more and more. Kurt was also aware of the few occasions the other boy sneaked into his room to watch him sing. That plus his wildly obvious behavior in front of their parents last Saturday was enough to confirm Kurt's theory that maybe, quite possibly, as unbelievable as it might sound…

Finn could be harboring feelings for him.

A year ago Kurt would have jumped to the moon and make quick work to winning Finn over. It was a once in a life time chance – a perfect opportunity! Except now the only jumping he was making was of surprise, not joy.

It was Finn's own fault for pushing him away. After everything he'd done, Kurt's feelings were squashed in disillusionment and he found himself ready to move on. It was too depressing to go after a straight guy who jumped from one girl to the next. What's more, the boy was practically his stepbrother from how things were going with his dad and Carole. Crushing on your own brother was just wrong.

But he was curious.

He was curious because although he no longer clammed up whenever Finn was in the vicinity, he couldn't help but wonder how far Finn's feelings stretched. Was it just a hitch in the natural process of adolescence or did Finn honestly fall for him?

It may have been cruel of him, but Finn had displayed his wonderfully straight affections to his girlfriends in his face, was it evil of him to return the favor?

No, of course not.

So when Puck suddenly sang a Frank Sinatra to him and parked himself next to him for the remainder of the meeting, Kurt didn't miss his opportunity.

And now he found himself sandwiched between a stiff wall of lockers and the man-slut himself, stuck in a lip lock that he honestly hadn't planned.

As Puck did many interesting things to his tongue, Kurt could see why it was so easy for the boy to swim through his conquests. He definitely wasn't all talk.

Then he could hear it. The faint yet audible sound of sneakers stopping short far down the hall. Kurt cracked an eye open a fraction and spotted a very pale Finn staring straight at them. This was better than he planned. Swallowing the embarrassment of being caught making out with the one person he shouldn't, Kurt continued kissing Puck.

It lasted another good minute until Puck pulled back, breathless. Kurt took a furtive glance from where Finn was standing and noticed he was gone.

Well. The Frankenteen didn't beat the crap out of Puck, but that didn't exactly confirm Kurt's theory that Finn was just going through a confusing stage. He'd have to see what happened when he got home. That would be interesting.

"Wanna come to my place?" Puck asked coyly, still a little breathless, "no one's going to be home for a while. It'll just be us."

Kurt grinned back as he carefully detached himself from Puck, putting a safe distance between them. "As tempting as that is," he said airily, desperate to hide how shaken he was over the kiss, "I'd rather not lose my virginity to a moment of hormone induced insanity."

"We don't have to do it, we can just continue making out," his voice betrayed his intentions however, and Kurt arched a skeptic eyebrow at him, "scouts honor?"

"Cute," he ran a hand through his slightly mussed hair, mentally cursing Puck for handling him roughly. "But I know you, and I know that kissing me took a lot on your part, nice effort though, were you thinking of some girl?"

"No I – "

"I don't care if you were; I know why you did it," he waved him off, readjusting his messenger bag that had been slipping down his shoulder, "though, I _am_ surprised you went along with it, is Santana paying you or something?"

Puck shuffled from one foot to the other uncomfortably, "No, she – "

"My dear, you are just one shot away from prostitution which by the way," he eyed him up and down regally, "is not a turn on at all. You were useful though, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Puck grabbed his shoulder, roughly turning him around to face him. Kurt couldn't stop the brief moment of fear from crawling up his spine. He hadn't forgotten that the other, much more muscular, boy had been responsible for some of the bullying he had to go through before glee existed. "You used me?"

"Just as Santana used you. You know, for such a tough guy it's pretty sad how easy it is for a girl and a little gay boy to push you around," even as the words left his mouth, Kurt knew he was skirting past his boundaries. Pretty soon he'd find himself at the bottom of a dumpster. He was slammed against the lockers, the taller teen pressed against him threateningly.

Okay, forget the dumpster; he was going to get the crap beaten out of him.

"Watch it, Hummel," his tone instilling fear in the smaller teen, "I can go back to throwing you in dumpsters whenever I want."

"Yes, because that's always the best way to handling your insecurities," he really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut.

"I'm not letting you walk all over me," Puck hissed.

Kurt flared up indignantly, "And I'm never letting you people walk all over me again!"

Puck hesitated for a second. He'd never seen the boy look so infuriated. He opened and closed his mouth, but could think of no snappish reply. Kurt took that moment to push him away and dust himself off. His gave him one withering glance and walked towards the exits.

"And for the record," he called back, his heart beating wildly in his throat, "that kiss was absolutely dreadful!"

…

After shaking off a sympathetic Sam, which was what he really didn't want right now, Finn made it to his car and managed to get home without crashing into any cars or getting pulled over by cops. A feat considering the speeds he was going.

Once he got home to a warm welcome from his mother, he then shut himself in his room to muddle in his increasingly violent fantasies of tearing Puck's limbs apart and feeding them to lions. Were there any lions in town? How bad of a punishment would he get with the law if he were caught?

He didn't have much time to think of the repercussions because not ten minutes passed when he heard the slam of a door and a cheerful greeting from Kurt in the living room. Finn clutched the pillow he'd been holding, waiting in tense silence as Kurt struck up a tired conversation with his mother.

"A mountain of homework again, as if I haven't gotten enough on my plate with projects and presentations."

"Oh, could you please help Finn with homework too? He's terrible with keeping up with it."

Unable to resist, Finn rushed to the door and pressed his ear against it, holding his pillow more tightly and not caring how ridiculous or girly he looked at that moment.

"I would but I already promised Puck I'd help him, we're supposed to meet up at some point at his house."

A pause and then. "…Puck?"

An uncontrollable fury welled up in Finn's chest.

"Yeah, he sucks at math and apparently I'm the only intelligent person at school to help him. I'll try to help Finn when I can though."

"Okay then…but be careful around Puck." Finn grumpily nodded in agreement with his mother. "He's a bit of a wild child."

"Believe me, I'm well aware."

The memory of Kurt making out with Puck flashed in his head. He grit his teeth, nauseated at the image of the two together. His chest clenched again, hurt at how quickly Kurt ran off to the one person who destroyed both a long established friendship and a well adjusted relationship with the hottest girl in school.

Of all people, Kurt should know how much of a slap in the face this was to him. Forget that he had a crush on him, this was just low.

The door opened. Finn let out a gasp of surprise as he nearly fell on the floor and at the same time getting caught on listening in on a private conversation with his ear pressed to the door like some nosy old lady. He whipped around in horror to face the intruder and paled when he saw that it was the last person he wanted to walk in on him like this.

Kurt frowned in amusement at the taller teen, "What were you doing?" he asked teasingly.

"Nothing," he said too quickly, clutching his pillow protectively. "What do you want? I thought you'd be at Puck's."

Kurt eyed him strangely. "Why would I be at Puck's?"

"Because you…you…" he scrambled for a proper excuse without making it obvious of how much it upset him, "you guys seemed to hit it off at the meeting today and…I thought you would…be at his place."

He was giving him that weird look again. "Yes, and all of the sudden I crash at his place? Finn, that makes no sense – "

"He was flirting with you!" he blurted out, flushing in embarrassment.

"What makes you think he was flirting with me?" Kurt almost squeaked, "are you jealous or something?"

"No!" he blushed. "It's _Puck!_ I don't care who you choose to be your boyfriend, but not Puck, not after what he's done."

Kurt fell silent. It was true, if he ever decided to be with Puck, it would be a betrayal to Finn as a friend. Fortunately, he had no feelings for the other teen, so there was nothing to worry about there.

But it proved that Puck was a failed experiment. The only thing he could gather from Finn's reaction was that Puck and him had history and being with him was a bad idea.

Should he use someone else?

Kurt sighed. No, he was still shaken over what he did with Puck, using someone else would only dig a bigger hole of guilt in his heart.

He did get at least one piece of valuable information. If Finn really did like him, then he wouldn't have denied his jealously like he did a second ago. Or if he did, then he was ashamed of it, and that was just as bad.

It didn't stop the dark urge to make Finn hurt much as he made him hurt. Even if it would ruin future rehearsals in glee.

"I'll date whoever I want," he said coolly, "if it's Puck or not, that's my decision, not yours," he fished through the front pocket of his coat and pulled out a slightly scratched up iPod with purple flowers. "You dropped this by the way, are you still listening to it, or can I have it back?"

"No! I'll…" Finn instantly reached out to grab it, stopping halfway when he realized how desperate he must have looked to have it back. Kurt frowned, unconsciously pressing the iPod against his chest as if Finn were going to tear it from his hands.

Finn bit his lip. It was only a tiny piece of metal and plastic, but it was all he had that connected him to Kurt. His only source of comfort.

"I still haven't gotten the whole idea of…of the swing era," he said lamely.

Huffing, Kurt relented and held out his precious iPod, which Finn took, accidentally brushing their fingers in the process. Kurt watched in fascination at how the towering teen's cheeks flushed pink. He was reminded of how he used to act around Finn, and how any kind of contact they made had him fluttering to heaven.

How the tables have turned…

'He'll get over it,' he tried to convince himself, leaving Finn's room. 'He'll find a girl that'll shake the confusion out of him and that'll be that.'

"Kurt."

He turned to his almost brother expectantly. He was gawping much like Puck had when he shouted at him. "What?"

Finn clutched the iPod, "I – I…" he licked his lips and took a calming breath, "I'm…."

Kurt paled. Oh hell no.

"I'm…" Finn repeated, unable to get the words out. "I think I might be…"

"Finn," Kurt squeaked, "I think I know what you're going to say, and trust me, you don't want to finish that sentence."

He was imitating a fish again. "Wh-what do you think I was gonna say?" he stammered.

"It doesn't matter," Kurt said breezily, "anyway, I have homework, so do you, later," and he rushed off, not giving Finn a chance to say anymore.

…

Despite his warnings, the next day at school the first thing Finn saw was Puck getting out of Kurt's car and carrying his books while they walked up to the school's entrance. They weren't over each other like they were yesterday, but the innocent closeness they shared implied much more than that and it hurt to look at them.

"So are they official or what?"

Yet another person he didn't want to talk to. Finn resisted rolling his eyes and brushed past the girl for the school. Santana wasn't one to be ignored, so obviously she followed.

"What are you gonna do?" she asked curiously, "you do realize that Puck's taking Kurt from you."

"So what?" he mumbled.

"So? I'm trying to help you here, don't you wanna be with lady face?" she halted when Finn glared down at her.

"Stop calling him that," he hissed, not caring if people could be listening in, "who he dates is up to him, I don't care anymore."

Momentarily stunned, Santana shook her head and recovered quickly, chasing after Finn's retreating back. "You're over him?" she asked in overly bemusement, "that was fast…"

"Shouldn't you be with Brittany?"

"Are you still gay?"

Any other day, Finn would have yelled at her to shut her trap, but at the moment he was too angry and depressed to care. So when he spotted Sam down the hall talking to Artie, he remembered his contemplations from yesterday.

He lost Kurt, but there was still Sam who would probably never have Mike.

Then a horrible thought struck him. He could still have Kurt by pretending…

It worked before. Maybe…

"Yeah," he croaked, his voice sounding alien to him, "I am."

"Well then..." Santana blinked, Finn's reply sinking in. Her face twisted in a mixture of shock and anger, _"What?"_

He must be going crazy, he snorted non-humorously. "I'm gay," he laughed softly.

She was really flaring up now. "_WHAT!_" she screamed.

He looked down at her face flushed in anger and it all clicked. Well, some of it at least. He knew Santana wasn't as nice as she tried to make herself to be. There was no way she'd lend him and Sam her room if it wouldn't somehow benefit her, and he was sure that she was somehow involved with Puck suddenly showing interest in Kurt. She was planning something, or had planned something because once he admitted to the dreaded three letter word, her plans instantly fell apart judging from the look on her face.

Unable to stop another bubble of laughter, Finn let it out. Taking joy in the one thing that was finally going his way, and the utter relief he got from saying those beautiful words.

Everyone in the hall was looking at them now, unsure of the joke that seemed to have their quarterback in stitches. From the nasty look on Santana, they could only assume the joke was on her. Or maybe Finn Hudson finally snapped.

"No, you can't be, you're just in denial," the cheerio said quickly, shaking her head. Finn only laughed harder. "Stop it! You're supposed to be with me!"

"That was you're plan?" Finn fought and failed to suppress a giggle, "you suck at scheming! The only thing you got out of it were some dirty sheets – I can't believe there's someone dumber than me in this school," he wiped fake tears of mirth from his eyes. "Thanks, you really cleared it up for me."

"SHUT UP!" she screeched, grabbing the front of his shirt, "take it back, you're just joking right? There's no way you can be a…a…"

He pulled her hands away, still caught in his momentarily lapse of insanity. "Too bad! I'M. GAY!"

A collective gasp of shock rippled down the crowded hallway. Santana froze on the spot. Eyes wide in horror. Finn would later look back and punch himself for his stupidity, but right now he honestly didn't care.

Kurt no longer loved him and was dating Puck the thieving man-slut. Rachel left him for the lying bitch Quinn. He had nothing now. Forget reputation or the fact that from now on Karofsky and his gang would make him their new punching bag. It didn't matter. It really didn't matter.

"Whoa," a random student breathed, voicing everyone's thoughts in one word.

He was about to repeat himself, but all that came out of his mouth was an 'ompf!' as someone grabbed him from around his chest and pulled him away from the gawking crowd. Momentarily winded, Finn wasn't able to fight back until he was thrown into an empty classroom, but by then his kidnapper let him go to busy himself with shutting the door and closing the blinds to the small window.

Same turned to him, breathing heavily from having to haul the tall teen. "Congratulations Finn, you just outed yourself to half the school."

Finn lay back against the floor where he landed, catching his breath, the last bits of laughter escaping him. "Yep!"

Sam watched him pityingly. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

Finn shrugged, staring up at the ceiling. "She pissed me off."

"She's pissed you off before."

"Yeah," he agreed, the amusement he was riding on starting to sap out of him. "Kurt's with Puck…he's dating Puck."

"It's not gonna last long," Sam sighed, kneeling over Finn, "you still have a better chance with him than I have with Mike."

"No I don't," he muttered, Kurt's words from yesterday floating back up like alcohol on a wound. "He told me himself. He's done with me. It's probably better this way, I wouldn't have been good for him, I'm just a trophy."

Sam frowned. A trophy? Was that how much Finn considered himself to be? "Wait. What?"

"A trophy," Finn shrugged, "something to show off until…" his voice cracked, "until you get bored and find something shinier."

Something clumped in his throat as he looked down at the defeated teen. "You shouldn't say that about yourself. You're worth more than that."

Finn snorted. "I don't care."

"Finn, this isn't – what are you doing?" he froze as a hand reached up and wrapped behind his head.

"I just want to pretend," Finn said quietly, "like we did last time." Sam resisted against his hand, biting the corner of his lip. "I don't know what else to do."

"Mike's with Tina," Sam reasoned, "and I'm fine with it…"

"But he doesn't even talk to you anymore."

"Yeah but…" he tried to come up with a more convincing excuse, but in all honesty, he was dealing with this just as well as Finn was. If Santana had targeted him, he was sure he'd snap in the same fashion as Finn had. He missed talking with Mike, he missed the small moments of the dancer casually placing a hand on his shoulder or holding him close. And he was utterly jealous that Tina had him all to herself.

He didn't have anything either.

Before he could think of a proper response, Finn pulled him down and pressed his lips against his. Despite his earlier protests, Sam didn't pull away.

Because he too, wanted to pretend.

TBC


	14. I'm A Fool to Want You

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee nor do I have any rights to music by The Rolling Stones or Billie Holiday

A/N: Um…my bads, I accidentally turned Finn into a Billie Holiday fan lol

…

Chapter Fourteen

I'm a Fool to Want You

…

He was still in a state of shock by the time he came back home from school, just barely able to greet Carole on his way to his bedroom.

Finn was gay.

Kurt honestly didn't expect that. He suspected the other boy was confused, but he didn't think he'd take it as far as shouting it in a crowded hall with all eyes on him. He had to be unlucky enough to be in that same hall when it happened.

Dumping his bag on his desk, Kurt lay down on his bed with his face smothered in his pillow. He felt like crap. His muscles were a mess of jello and that annoying twinge in his chest hadn't left him yet.

Finn came out to the school.

And right after that, Sam dragged him to an empty room.

There was little left to the imagination over the implications of that scene. Mercedes even made a joke that they must have gone to make out or something. Kurt didn't doubt her, ready to believe anything after what he just witnessed.

After that, the day felt like it would never end. With his and Finn's lips both bruised up after leaving the same room, Sam had unintentionally outed himself as well. Kurt was impressed with how well the blond was handling it, especially with the football team turned against him. Finn, however, seemed to have transformed into a frightened little kid, always looking over his shoulder. He was never good at handling a demotion in his social status, so Kurt wasn't surprised.

He pitied him.

Which was why he blew off Puck for the rest of the day.

Kurt turned to his side with a groan of regret. Trying to hurt Finn by being with Puck was his worst plan ever; it wasn't even working the way he wanted it to. If the tall teen outed himself and was suddenly with Sam it could only mean one thing.

Finn didn't love him.

Which meant that being with Puck was pointless, and making out with him in front of Finn was stupid, and thoughtless, cruel and…unbelievably mortifying.

'I'm such a moron,' Kurt covered his face with his hands. He had to apologize to Finn somehow. Preferably without revealing that he was trying to make him jealous.

He had to get rid of Puck too. That wouldn't be so hard. Wasn't Santana back on the market? Brittany kind of faded to the background, Puck could latch onto either one of them…or both, Kurt wouldn't put it past him if he was into that.

But first, he needed to relax his frazzled mind.

Getting out of bed with some resent, Kurt went to his stereo and selected an old karaoke song from his endless list of music.

As he walked to his microphone, a few notes from a guitar filled the basement, bringing with it an image of long haired fans with dirty jeans and dedication to rock music and drugs. A tiny smile curled over Kurt's lips. He'd been doing a lot of rock songs lately.

As the guitar, drums and steady tambourine set up the build up to the introduction, Kurt held his mike stand close to him, picturing himself standing onstage before a vast ocean of people cheering for him.

"I. Can't. Get. No," he started, emphasizing each word as if he were in a passion filled state of boredom, ".…I. Can't. Get. No. . – 'cuz I try, and I try, and I try, and I try!"

For the next few minutes Kurt lost himself to the music of The Rolling Stones, unaware that he had an audience standing by his door.

…

It was the worst day of his life. He yells to the world that he's gay in a fit of insanity because his crush decides to go out with his ex-best friend, then he goes off and gets into…a really weird relationship with the only guy he had sex with in order to use him as a replacement for said crush. Then for the rest of the few painful hours of school he's had to undergo three slushies, a valiant attempt on the football teams part to try throwing him in the dumpster, and finally, a staring contest in glee club in which everyone had their eyes on him.

Feeling good about himself was not on the top of his list.

"Oh, hi, honey, how was school?" his mother asked from the living room when he finally came home.

His day just got worse.

If he told the school he was gay, his mother certainly had the right to know. But with her cheerful smile directed towards him, all he could do was stand there feeling like the worlds biggest ass. He really had done something stupid this time. What would she say to him when he told her?

Actually. Was he sure himself that he really was gay?

"Hey, Finn, how was school?" Burt waltzed into the room with a cup of orange juice. Finn's stomach dropped.

Burt was whole other level of trouble. If he told his mother he was gay, she would tell Burt, and after seeing him almost kiss his Kurt, he would put the pieces together and then…

Finn gulped, already picturing his grave.

"S-School was….um…great…" he answered lamely. Both parents frowned in concern at him. Not knowing what else to do, Finn rushed to the kitchen for some comfort food, hoping they wouldn't follow.

As he pulled out a tub of mayonnaise and several cold cuts from the fridge, his thoughts swam back to what he did at school. His life would be hell from now on, his reputation thoroughly ruined.

But was he really gay? He asked himself again, taking two slices of bread and spreading mayonnaise on them. He shouted it so surely at school, but he was mad, and making Santana even more furious was the only thing that was cheering him up at that moment.

Then again, when he said it, there was an immense wave of relief that washed over him, despite the looks of shock coming from the people who heard him. He'd never felt so light or truly himself in his life.

Finn frowned. He declared to the world who he was in two words, and it made him happy. Before it used to be the popular guy who was quarterback of the football team. He was satisfied with that label because nobody could touch him when he was at the top of the social ladder.

Strangely, he couldn't figure out if he was happy in that place. Really happy.

Why did Kurt have to come in and confuse him like this?

Wrapping his sandwich in a napkin, Finn turned to leave the kitchen. He didn't want to think about Kurt after what happened yesterday. Or that he was now using Sam to 'be' with him. It sent a wave of nausea in the pit of his stomach.

_"I. Can't. Get. No. .."_

Finn stopped short. He knew that song. His mother kept old records his father left behind. He was a huge Rolling Stones fan, and his mother would occasionally play them when she was feeling down. Finn ended up enjoying the music as well, sneaking in to the living room to play them whenever he was alone or needed comfort.

He loved this song.

Almost instinctively he grabbed the doorknob to the basement and was halfway into opening the door when he caught himself. Burt and his mother were in the next room and Kurt could catch him watching this time. These weren't exactly the perfect conditions to secretly watch the shorter teen sing.

_"When I'm driving in my car! And the man comes on the radio!"_

Finn blushed. The way Kurt was singing…he had no idea Satisfaction could be sung in such a way. He was already picturing the other teen curled up against his mike stand, treating it much like he had when he sang Closer. Was that what Kurt was doing now?

Someone was standing by the door of the kitchen. Finn jumped, his face turning sheet white as he looked over to the intruder.

"Uh…er…um…" his mouth was doing a wonderful imitation of a fish. Burt frowned in suspicion at him. "I-I was just…making a sandwich and…"

"Okay…." Burt nodded slowly, "you doing all right?"

Not wanting to embarrass himself further, Finn nodded and quickly left for his room, his poor sandwich getting crushed under his death grip. Burt watched him go with a sigh and a shake of his head. Carole stood beside him with a bemused expression, unsure of what she just witnessed.

Burt entered the rest of the way into the kitchen and sat at the table, his girlfriend joining him. "See what I mean?" he said finally after she had another moment to think.

Carole nodded slowly, still deeply confused. "But…he's had girlfriends, and he's never shown any interest in boys…"

"He could be bi," Burt suggested with a shrug. "I'm not worried about that, though, I'm worried about Kurt."

Carole knew Burt well enough to know that he wasn't accusing anyone. She looked to the door to the basement where she could hear Kurt singing Satisfaction. She noted with sad nostalgia that it was one of her late husband's favorites, as well as Finn's. She could play that song back to back and never get bored.

She frowned. If Finn was interested in Kurt, she had no problems with it. The issue was how Kurt would handle it. Carole wasn't blind to how badly Finn had unintentionally hurt Kurt. It nearly cost them her relationship with Burt.

"Maybe this is a phase," she said hopefully. "Or Finn's confused, he's had moments where he'd think he was a power ranger or a cowboy, this is probably like that." Burt gave her a doubtful look. "He's never really talked to me about his relationships, but when I've seen him with Quinn or Rachel, I knew he honestly loved them."

"Yeah, and they cheated on him," Burt said bluntly. Carole straightened up indignantly, but sighed in defeat second later. He was right.

"Finn's just had bad luck with girls lately," she mumbled sadly, remembering how devastated her son was when he came home after discovering Quinn cheated on him with Puck and the baby he thought was his actually wasn't, "really bad luck…"

"And why would they cheat on him?"

Carole frowned disapprovingly at Burt. "That's not fair, Finn's just –"

"I'm not saying he's a bad boyfriend or anything," he cut in quickly, realizing he chose the wrong words. Carole pursed her lips, but remained quiet. "But think about it, how has he been to those girls – not that I'm justifying what they've done."

Carole thought back to the time Finn was with Quinn. The girl was bossy, but he didn't mind, and they never shied away from showing affection. Carole was starting to believe they'd end up married by the end of the year until that nasty confrontation occurred. Rachel was bossy too, but she had a different confidence compared to Quinn's who gained it simply by her status. Rachel had confidence in herself, she knew who she was and she was proud of it, and maybe it was that kind of confidence that attracted Finn. He seemed much more relaxed when he was with her.

But that was when Carole saw them together; whenever she'd ask Finn how they were doing he'd just shrug and say 'good.'

What she just saw now with him glued to the door to Kurt's room with his face flushed red. She never saw that.

Carole slumped in her seat. "He's so gay."

"Yep," Burt nodded gravely. "And he's in love with my son."

…

Mercedes prided herself in being a caring and observant friend. Well. When she wasn't too concerned over her diva status being threatened. She was among the mass of people who'd seen Finn make a spectacle of himself, and wasn't sure if she should have been surprised when he said the most astounding thing in the world. He had been acting weird lately, she was expecting anything.

She wasn't surprised at all when Sam pulled Finn to an empty classroom, only to come out with their lips all bruised up from obviously making out. She suspected the blond since day one.

That was yesterday though, and while the school was still gossiping over the big reveal, she was more worried of her best friend who was lying on her bed looking like a miserable zombie.

"I'm a bastard," Kurt said mournfully, digging himself into her massive supply of pillows.

"Yes, you are," Mercedes nodded in agreement, not even sugar-coating it to make her friend feel better. He glared at her, throwing a pillow her way which she swiftly caught. "Hey at least you didn't make a big dick of yourself in front of everyone like Finn did."

Kurt shook his head, still upset. "I can't believe I actually thought he was in love with me. Why didn't I think of Sam? Do you remember how happy Finn was when he decided to join New Directions, or how much he kept saying what a great singer Sam was?" Kurt shook his head, "there was also that time he told me to back off when Sam and I were paired to do that duet – I should have realized he was jealous!"

"Actually," Mercedes said thoughtfully, "up until recently I could have sworn Sam was into Mike," Kurt looked at her ludicrously, "they used to be really close, wonder what happened."

Kurt sat up, waving her off, "if he was then he's obviously over him because he's with Finn now."

Mercedes watched as he glared into space. He'd been acting like this since yesterday, and she knew she'd piss him off even more if she told him why. She didn't like to have her friend bottle up his frustrations though, so went on to say, "you still like white boy, don't you?"

Kurt blanched, "no I don't!"

"Oh please."

"No really!" he protested, thumping his pillow angrily, "I don't feel ridiculous around him like I used to. Every time I look at him or talk to him I feel fine." Mercedes was still eyeing him skeptically, "it's true."

"And you weren't plotting revenge by going out with Puck just to hurt him were you?" she said dully, crossing her arms, "Kurt, I know you, you were trying to make Finn jealous – simply put, you were playing hard to get."

"No I wasn't," Kurt said tersely, pointedly staring at his lap where he was fiddling with the end of a pillow,"I just wanted him to…feel how badly he hurt me."

Mercedes's face softened sympathetically. She was well aware how badly Finn's constant rejections had affected Kurt last year, some of her shirts being victims to his sobbing fits. It left her knowing how long it would take for her friend to get over his crush. In her opinion, with having Finn in constant close proximity, now with the possibility of actually being with him, she knew it was too short notice for Kurt to be 'over' Finn.

"Even so, having Puck as your boyfriend is more of a slap in the face for Finn than a stab for revenge. Puck's hurt him pretty bad too," she reasoned, pausing thoughtfully, "and hasn't Finn been hurt enough anyway? He's had two girlfriends who cheated on him; I don't think he needs his 'almost' stepbrother going out with his ex-best friend."

Kurt glared at her, "that's why I said I'm an asshole!"

An unpleasant thought struck her, and she scrunched her face. "What you gonna do about the man-whore anyway?"

Kurt groaned and dramatically flopped back down on her bed, narrowly missing the headboard, Mercedes noted with a wince. "I have no idea."

She blinked blankly and laughed. "Boy, it's simple, tell him you're not interested and that's that, you and I both know he's not gonna be depressed over it."

"I know," he turned to face her with a pout, "but the damage is done, point is I went out with Puck and I betrayed Finn's friendship," he let out a long sigh, "he hasn't spoken to me since he found out…"

Mercedes shook her head sadly. Kurt seemed so tired and lonely in the past two days. He may have denied it all he wanted, but she knew him better than anyone. Even if he claimed to feel nothing when around Finn, there was still that tiny part of him that was desperately in love with him.

The way things were going, she started planning out to get more detergent for the many shirts that were going to fall the victim to Kurt's tears.

...

Practice had been another disaster. No matter how much they practiced in the auditorium, Finn would always stumble over his feet, too distracted by Kurt playing the piano. If the others hadn't been there to shove him around, he would have been glued to the spot just watching the singer. It didn't register until halfway into rehearsal that now that everyone knew he was gay, staring at Kurt would only make him more obvious.

Lucky for him, everyone thought he was distracted by Sam, who was actually standing next to him the whole time.

Either way, Mr. Schue wasn't amused.

"You've got to get it together, this isn't like you, Finn," he said after practice was over and everyone was in the middle of gathering their things, "this has been going on for too long, is there something bothering you? Is the choreography that hard?"

"No," Finn shook his head in shame, the choreography was actually one of the more simpler ones compared to others done in the past, which only made him more embarrassed, "I'm just…distracted, I guess?"

Probably not the best choice of words. Mr. Schue now looked concerned, "everything okay at home?"

Aside from Burt terrorizing him even though the older man hadn't done anything yet but frown in suspicion, not really. There was still the issue of telling his mother he was gay…and the fact that he lived with the source of his distractions, but…yeah everything was fine at home.

Finn really was like an open book, while he was mulling over this, it showed up on his face. Mr. Schue knew him well enough that whatever the problem was, Finn wasn't telling. He also knew that if he let this continue, he wasn't sure if February was a far enough date for the show.

He pat Finn's shoulder paternally, a gesture familiar between them, and welcome. "Finn, if you want to talk, you can always come to me," he paused briefly and took a wild guess, hoping he was way off and could avoid the awkward conversation, "is this about Kurt and Puck?"

Finn flinched. Damn.

"I'll be fine," he said none too convincingly, "Kurt has the right to date whoever he wants right?"

"But it's Puck," Mr. Schue said gently. Finn's shoulders slumped pathetically. "Between you and me, I don't think they'll last long, we both know Puck," he grinned. Finn nodded quietly. That was the second person who told him this, and as much as he knew he should believe it, he couldn't stop the fear that the two really were in love.

"I'm just worried about Kurt," Finn mumbled, hoping his teacher thought he was upset over this in a brotherly way and not with a broken heart. "Puck could take advantage of him, and he's backstabbed me before."

"You should talk to Kurt then," Mr. Schue advised. Finn refrained from saying he already had, "but is this really about them? You've been messing up in practice long before they started going out." Finn thought desperately for an excuse, but the Spanish teacher pat him reassuringly on the shoulder. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but you really need to focus. February's two months away, I don't want to see you struggling over the same mistakes."

Finn nodded, pulling his bag over his shoulder.

Smiling, Mr. Schue went off with the others out of the auditorium, "don't stay out too long, there's supposed to be a snow storm tonight," he warned with a final wave of goodbye.

Finn did a double take. Snow storm? He groaned, now he had to worry about scraping snow off the car or skidding on ice.

As he turned to leave as well he spotted Puck and Kurt among the last few to exit the auditorium. The taller teen's hand wrapped securely behind the other's waist. Suddenly Finn didn't mind scraping snow off the car if it meant he didn't need to see that.

And since when was Puck so comfortable with displaying affection to another guy in public?

The giant room became quiet once the door slammed shut. Finn was alone, and on the stage, still stuck in a mass of overwhelming emotions.

He looked to the lone piano by the corner of the stage and sat down before it. Kurt sat here not a few minutes ago. Finn stared hard at the shut door flap that protected the keys. He could almost feel a ghost of Kurt sitting where he was, fingers flying expertly over the keys and producing a flurry of entrancing music.

Finn slumped in his seat. He was getting really pathetic over Kurt.

He really wished there could be a justifiable to reason to slowly kill Puck.

Looking around the auditorium in case anyone caught him, Finn lifted the little door, revealing glistening black and white piano keys. He brushed over their smooth surfaces, picturing Kurt's finger's pressing each key with careful precision. Finn couldn't make heads or tails when it came to playing instruments other than the drums, so it was with hesitant curiosity that he hit the keys, producing a distorted lonely rhythm of sound.

Kurt could play this with his eyes closed.

So could Rachel, he reminded himself, not as bitter as before.

Rachel barely ever spoke to him since their break up. He supposed it was for the best. She was happier with Quinn anyway, so he figured he should at least be happy for her. And he was.

It didn't stop him from feeling lonely.

Aside from being his girlfriend, Rachel had always been his friend, and whenever he was down, she knew how to cheer him up, or at least tried to.

She used to always tell him that singing out his frustrations in the auditorium always made her feel better, and whenever he'd watch her sing, he could see the sadness or anger lift from her the more passionate she became with her music. It was inspiring in its own way.

If she were in his shoes, she'd probably be singing right now.

Finn bit his lip. Would it work for him? He felt strangely shy about singing in a huge room all by himself where he could hear the echo of his voice hitting back at him. There was that one time in his room with baby Drizzle, but that was in his room at his own privacy. This was an auditorium…

He stared at the piano keys again. It would be embarrassing, but he'd give it a shot…

He tried to picture the right song to sing, an orchestra of sound smoothly swaying in a sad dramatic fashion, a lone woman with a flower in her hair, and a voice laced with life's tribulations. A voice that had its heart broken many times. Finn shut his eyes, unwillingly delving into the sadness that had wrapped itself so tightly around his own heart.

"I'm a fool…to want you…"


	15. Mercedes the All Knowing

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N: sorry for the lateness! Life won over writing for now X.X

…

Chapter Fifteen

Mercedes the All Knowing

…

It was two days after Christmas, and despite the cheerful holiday he had with his 'family', Finn had a lot to think about. Most of which didn't put a smile on his face. He was lying in Sam's bed, the owner dozed off at the other end. He had been frequenting the blonde's home practically every day since vacation started, and though he initially thought their relationship would involve more sex than anything romantic, they hadn't done anything but exchange a few awkward kisses. Today was one of the rare occasions that he slept over, the only reason being that it snowed so badly last night that it was impossible for him to drive back home. He was surprised and a little guilty at the warm welcome Sam's parents gave him when the blond announced him as his boyfriend. With their accepting attitude, he could see why Sam was so cool with handling his problems. Finn knew he would have actually been happy to be with him except…

Finn still loved Kurt. And Sam still loved Mike.

Unlike that Friday afternoon in Santana's room, they knew what they wanted now, and being with someone they didn't hold much affection for only made them uncomfortable. So sex was quickly out of the question, and so was romance for that matter.

Finn let out a tiny sigh as he stared at the white ceiling dotted with plastic glow in the dark aliens. When he first came into Sam's room he was reminded of how dorky the blond could be about science fiction. He had a whole shelf of dvd's dedicated to alien movies and random sci-fi thrillers. His desk was littered with action figures from Avatar, and he even owned a book on how to speak Na'vi. Finn was struck by how childish the teen's room looked, and had to quickly remind himself that his wasn't any better either. His power rangers action figures still littered his room, and he still slept in sheets decorated with little cowboys.

He glanced at the sleeping blond, wondering how easily he seemed to be handling their relationship. He was handling everything better than him. Finn envied him. He wished he could be more like the blond, to take everything thrown at him and roll with it. Finn wasn't like that, every time something new and frightening hit him, he'd freak out.

Finn shut his eyes, going back to staying behind at the auditorium and pulling out a Billie Holiday. He'd been so into the song that he didn't realize he had an audience until he felt her eyes burning into the back of his head.

Rachel had forgotten her bag and returned to retrieve it. Finn had no idea how long she'd been standing there, but it must have been a while because she looked crestfallen and guilty. Embarrassed beyond belief, Finn tried coming up with an excuse, but she knew why he was singing, and who he was singing about.

"You…you really love him. Don't you?" she asked in a tiny voice.

After everything that happened between them. The hurt and jealousy he felt for her happiness, and the frustration of never being able to have anything with the one he truly wanted, Finn couldn't deny it. Everything was already messed up, one little thing wasn't going to make it any worse.

"Yeah," his voice cracked quietly.

He wasn't sure how, but she started spewing out that she always had a feeling, but was too afraid to say anything. Even when they were together she would notice him looking at Kurt the way he used to look at her. She wasn't as angry as she'd thought she'd be, only hurt, and sad…and terribly lonely. Finn figured that's when Quinn stepped in. He couldn't muster up any anger though. The more he talked to Rachel, the more it became apparent to him how much he missed her batty advice, and the simple pleasure of just talking to her. This was what he needed, someone to confide in, someone who really knew him, who loved him for who he was and didn't judge him. Sam was all right, but he wasn't Rachel. Sam had his own problems to deal with too.

Rachel was…she was the friend he needed to help him get through this.

It was kind of messed up and ironic that this was the same person who cheated on him with his ex.

This fact didn't get past the brunette either. Her apologies were squeezed into every other sentence that came out of her mouth.

"Then why didn't you just break up with me as soon as you realized you liked Quinn more than me?" he asked her.

"Because," she fumbled nervously with the arm strap of her bag, "I was afraid…you were trying so hard to keep us together, that I kept losing the courage to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you."

"You still did."

"…I know." The pain in her eyes expressed the deep guilt she felt over the whole thing. Finn started feeling guilty too. It was ridiculous to keep bringing up old wounds, especially now that he honestly felt nothing but companionship toward her. "So don't make the same mistake with Sam."

"What?"

A bitter smile fluttered at the corners of her lips. "You don't love him, but you're with him. You stopped loving me, but you stuck with me," she shrugged lightly, "you're only setting yourself up to get hurt again. Just tell Kurt the truth," her eyes softened, "tell him you love him."

For some reason, when Rachel said it, it gave Finn hope that maybe Kurt felt the same for him, but when he arrived home with a battle plan on how to tell him, he was met with his first obstacle.

Burt Hummel.

Then his second obstacle.

Carole Hudson.

Both who still didn't know he was gay. Well, Burt might have an idea, and that only made it worse. Finn wasn't sure what to do first, tell his mother and her boyfriend the truth, or go and confess to Kurt. If he told his mother, Burt would get protective over his son, if he told Kurt he loved him, Burt would still get all papa bear on him.

As he contemplated his options, Finn was hit with a fast one.

"I broke up with Puck," Kurt said airily, standing by the frame of the door to his room with his arms haughtily crossed, "hope that makes you happy."

And for a second, it did. That made Finn's chances greater. With that one obstacle erased, there was still hope that maybe...just maybe, he could be with Kurt. With his courage boosted, Finn was ready to spill his guts out except Kurt wasn't finished.

"I hadn't meant to be with him to hurt you," somehow, the way Kurt said that made Finn think the opposite, "I know you two aren't the greatest friends, so…I decided to end it, took me a while, but that's that, we're done, you can rest easy."

"But why did you even think of going out with him?" he had to know, "dude, you've seen what he did to me, how could you even consider – "

"Because he was interested in me!" Kurt snapped, turning red, "how many boys in McKinley - in _Ohio -_ are going show any kind of interest in me? A guy? A freaking," he gestured wildly with his hands, "homosexual!"

Me. He wanted to say it. It was the perfect opening for him to tell it to him. Now that he thought back on it, he was only more furious with himself. It was the perfect opportunity and he blew it, because he was still sore over Puck, and Kurt's betrayal really hurt.

So instead of said 'me! I love you!' he said, "That's no excuse! If Puck did what he did to me to Mercedes, would you have dated him?"

Kurt shuffled uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact. "No, I – "

"Then _why!_" he exploded. Kurt flinched, but now he was pissed too. He didn't like getting yelled at.

"Because I thought you were in love with me, okay!" he yelled back, uncrossing his arms irritably. All the anger burning in Finn was quickly snuffed out. He was so shaken by the other boy's exclamation that he stumbled back a step and couldn't find his voice to reply. Still fuming, Kurt's hands balled into fists at his sides, cheeks tinged pink in anger and embarrassment. "You've been acting so weird, especially around me, that I thought you had a crush on me. I went out with Puck so you'd feel how much you hurt me last year, there! I said it!," he huffed, looking away to compose himself, running a hand nervously through his hair, "I was angry, okay? I wasn't thinking, I just wanted revenge." He sighed, his sudden rage diminishing as well, "Look, from the start it was a bad idea with ill intentions," he sighed again, "I'm sorry."

"But," he cleared his through, excitement welling up in his gut, "does that mean you – "

"No." It was flat, short, and final, crushing all of Finn's hopes. "I don't like you that way anymore – and I don't intend on reviving those feelings," his face was set determined, Finn didn't doubt his words. "Besides, after living with you for…what, almost two months? I see you more like a brother," he smiled wryly, "anyway, sorry about Puck, I'll never do it again, blah blah blah, you have my word."

And with that, he sauntered away, leaving Finn no room to tell him his suspicions were right. He no longer had the courage to, he saw it Kurt's face. He. Did. Not. Love. Him. He told him plain and straight. There was no hope in having anything with him except a brotherly bond. What was the point anyway? If he told him now, it would only make things awkward at home. Burt would be on his case every other second too.

So Finn decided to keep quiet. And now here he was in a room fit for a nine year old with his 'boyfriend' sleeping next to him, and himself feeling so miserable even an all you can eat buffet wouldn't be enough to cheer him up. It was bad enough before to know that Kurt felt nothing for him, but now that he flat out rejected him, he felt like he had nothing. Even with Sam and their agreement to pretend, he had nothing.

_Pretending_ was even worse than nothing. Every time he had Sam in his arms, it only made Finn want Kurt more. Every time they kissed, the more he yearned for Kurt. It wasn't fair the way things were going. That he was too late in realizing his feelings. He felt like a spoiled brat who didn't play with a certain toy, but gets upset when it's taken away. It only served to make him feel more disgusted with himself. This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

Rachel and Quinn cheated on him, but they got their happy ending, why couldn't he? Was he such a terrible person that he didn't deserve one?

Sam stirred beside him, stretching out languidly with a content hum. If Finn didn't know any better, he would have guessed the blond was related to a cat. Blue eyes blinked up at him blearily, followed by a chocked laugh when he realized he wasn't alone in bed.

"Forgot you were sleepin' over," he mumbled, sitting up with a yawn, "didn't like the mattress?"

Finn shrugged, throwing a glance to the twin sized mattress lying next to the bed. He insisted on taking it after Sam offered him the bed. Of course, this was before he realized how uncomfortable the mattress was, and in the end he found himself crawling back up Sam's bed in the dead of night.

"Game day," the blond said to no one, lying back down, not quite ready to give up sleep yet.

Finn nodded. Before leaving for break, Artie and Sam had gotten themselves into an epic war on Halo. It got to the point where the group decided to meet about every other day to see how far the two would go. So far Artie was beating him by a slight margin. After that it would be a chance to test out Artie's Beatles Rock Band his crazy uncle got him for Christmas.

"We should get breakfast," Sam said, making no effort to move.

"Yep," Finn nodded, also unwilling to move.

…

The streets were piled with six feet of snow since the storm from last night. There was barely anyone out to shovel it or at least toss some salt, but somehow, miraculously, and unluckily for Mercedes, Kurt managed to pull out his Navigator and drive to her house all to just sit on her bed and mope. She knew it was coming, but for her slightly misguided friend to go through such a huge blockade of snow just to see her, she was a little flabbergasted.

The boy knew how to drive, that's for sure.

"I broke up with Puck," he said after several minutes of silence. Half his face was squashed in one of her fluffiest light blue pillows. There was going to be a hole in it by the end of his visit, she knew it.

"I know," she replied.

"And I told Finn."

"I know."

A pause.

"I told him the truth…about why I did it."

"I know."

Another pause. He threw her an irritated glare.

"He seemed fine with it…he's dating Sam now."

"I know."

"Would you stop that!" he sat up abruptly, his squashed hair sticking up erratically. Mercedes fought hard not to laugh. "I'm spilling my guts here, and all you can say is 'I _know'_," he huffed, crossing his arms childishly.

"Honey, you told me all this ten million times for like the past three days," she got up from her desk chair and joined him in the bed, tossing and arm around his shoulders and pulling him close, "and I don't care how much you deny it, you're not over him."

"Mercedes – "

"And you wouldn't be here looking like someone stole your favorite McQueen jacket if you were," she pressed on. At this, Kurt slumped against her.

"But I'm over him," he insisted weakly, looking more confused with himself, "I really don't feel anything around him. He's just there," he shook his head and put his hands over his face, "why is this frustrating me more than it should?"

"Because you still like him," Mercedes deadpanned, earning her another glare. "Boy, listen. Would anyone go out with someone to make another jealous out of revenge? Or tell their best friend six billion times that that someone's going out with someone else and they were wrong all along? And they were angry?"

Kurt opened and closed his mouth smartly, trying to come up with an excuse. His best friend looked back at him smugly, knowing she had him cornered. "But…I…"

"If you don't like him that way, why were you so set on revenge?"

"I…" he huffed angrily, a small growl of frustration crawling out his throat. "Okay fine! Say I do still have feelings for him, how do I fix it?" he asked grudgingly, "I'm not up for another rejection."

Mercedes smirked secretively, "I don't think you'll get rejected this time."

He gave her a dull look, pulling away from her slightly, "hun, I believe we've been over this before. He likes Sam; he's going _out_ with Sam. That pretty much spells rejection to me."

Mercedes rolled her eyes. Her friend underestimated her observational skills. "Remember how Sam would always stare at Mike during glee club?"

"Yeah, but – "

"That hasn't stopped." Kurt was about to keep arguing, only to fall short in dawning realization. As pianist for the show they would be doing for February, Kurt had unintentionally gotten a full view of everyone during their rehearsals. He could tell who fucked up where, what placement changes needed to be made, and who was putting in more effort than the other.

So far the biggest fuck up was Finn, but being placed next to Sam, Kurt assumed the reason was obvious. However, in some songs where the two were separated, he noticed Sam screwing up more than before.

And usually during those times…Mike was nearby.

"Holy shit," he mumbled. Mercedes grinned triumphantly, "is Sam cheating on Finn! He'll be so devastated!"

Her face fell. Sighing, Mercedes smacked her forehead.

…

It started off fine, they settled into Artie's living room, his mother was in the kitchen preparing snacks, they were playing Mario Kart like it was no one's business since they decided they needed a break from Halo, and then, out of nowhere, Mike arrived.

Normally the dancer's presence wasn't that big a deal. Sam had been doing fine in when the other boy was around, mainly because he was so engrossed in beating the crap out of Artie or one uping him in kills. In all honesty, Finn hadn't thought much of Mike when he entered the living room until he noticed something was out of place.

Tina was missing.

Until very recently, Game Day was usually a day exclusively for the guys. It wasn't until Mike started going out with Tina that it was revealed the girl had a talent in a few games, and upon his insistence, she started frequenting their little meetings. It was weird at first, but after getting his ass kicked by the shy girl, Finn grudgingly welcomed her into their group. He was actually thinking of challenging her on a quick battle in Mortal Kombat today when Mike arrived.

Mike minus Tina was a rarity. Especially now, but aside from that, there was something even more wrong than the missing girl.

The dancer looked disheveled with his clothes all wrinkled and baggy on him. There was a disgruntled look on his face, muddled with a hint of guilt.

And there was a bright and painful looking hand mark on his cheek. Finn winced, that must have been quite the slap.

Artie glanced at the other boy briefly before returning to his game. "You look happy," he said not unkindly, "where's Tina – shit!" he bit his lip and attacked his controller, his character was a hair away from driving off the road after competitors up ahead threw him nasty traps.

"She's not coming," Mike said shortly, dumping himself on an empty couch.

"Oh," the bespectacled teen said distractedly, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he swerved his car expertly in order to regain first place again. "Parent's wouldn't let her come this time?"

"We broke up."

Sam's car crashed into a tree.

Artie was smarter. He paused the game and swerved around to gape at Mike, his glasses nearly slipping off his nose. "You guys _what?_"

The dancer shrugged nonchalantly, "we broke up."

No one said anything for a while. Mainly because they'd never seen their friend so unapproachable. They were almost afraid to ask. Finn made eye contact with Sam. The blond was easily the most curious of them all. He looked away, making a show of distracting himself by scratching the side of his head.

The tense silence was broken by Artie's mother entering with a tray of sandwiches. Despite his own burning curiosity, Finn's stomach growled at the tempting sight of cold cuts and lettuce tenderly sandwiched between soft white slices of bread. He grabbed one as soon as it touched the coffee table.

"I'll be back with the soda," Artie's mother said cheerfully, hurrying back into the kitchen.

Artie seemed to have regained his courage, because he went on to ask, "what happened?"

Mike shrugged again, staring blankly at his sandwich, "nothing. She was only interested in my abs anyway, so it's not like it's a big deal." The way he said that with no hint of emotion made Finn inch away from him, afraid that at any minute he would explode. "So who's winning?"

"Uh – er…I'm…I'm losing," Sam stammered before Artie could proudly say he was two seconds from winning the race, "I'm losing."

With Mike back on the market, Finn had to disagree. Sam was definitely winning.

…

Glee club was a group filled with an odd arrangement of people. Despite past enmities, they formed something of a family, even if certain select few could be total assholes. So it wasn't a surprise that everyone had each other's number's, and that when something huge came up, they'd text each other the news. Thus when Tina broke up with Mike, she ended up consoling in Mercedes, who would end up squealing to the first glee member on her list. By the end of the day, it would be pretty certain that almost everyone would get the news.

Sure enough, after getting out of a deliciously hot shower, and changing into his pajamas, Kurt found the text message blinking on the screen of his phone.

_Tina and Mike called it quits. I told you so!_

Kurt stared at the text as if it somehow held some hidden meaning. He slowly sank down on his bed, a million questions running through his head as he shakily typed a reply.

After making the assumption that Sam was cheating on Mike, Mercedes had corrected him in saying that it wasn't in the blond's character to cheat on anyone. She had simply made the observation that before Finn and Sam got together, Sam had shown interest in Mike, and earlier than that, the two were inseparable. At first she thought they had become best friends, what with them always laughing at inside jokes and horsing around like three year olds. Then for some reason they stopped.

A fight was the logical answer to why they parted ways. The only problem was that they didn't act like any two ex-friends would when in the presence of the other. Kurt wasn't sure how Mercedes noted all of this to herself, but the more she explained it to him, the more it made sense. Sam and Mike didn't want to end their friendship, something pulled them apart, and she was willing to bet it was Tina.

"But she's not the kind of person," Mercedes said excitedly, practically jumping on her bed, "she wouldn't force her boyfriend to break up a friendship – she was feeling threatened." Kurt was doubtful. "That's got to be it! If your man was starting to show interest in someone else, what would you do?"

"Slap him." Mercedes rolled her eyes exasperatedly, "okay fine, I see what you mean, what does Sam and Mike have to do with me?"

"Tina's not the type of girl who'd force a guy to stay with her, right?"

"Right," he nodded, still confused.

"What if Mike still likes Sam?" she asked slowly, hoping the cogs would start to turn in the other boy's head. "Actually, what if they both still like each other? Even Tina can't stop that, she'd let Mike go."

"And Mike and Sam can be together," Kurt finished. Mercedes nodded a little too enthusiastically. "Of course, there's the little fact that Sam's with _Finn!_"

"Honey," and she said it in such a way that made Kurt feel like he was missing the obvious, "I bet you my Prada pumps that they do _not_ have the hots for each other."

That made Kurt pause and consider what she was saying. If Mercedes was betting on Prada, she was serious. The diva would never bet on those shoes unless she was one hundred percent sure she was correct.

Now one of her predictions had proven true. And on the same day too. Now Kurt had to test out whether her second theory was also true. He really didn't want to. His stomach was doing flip flops that were leaving him nauseous. Maybe he could tell her he tried out their plan and it didn't work, she'd never know if he was lying or not.

Then again. If Mercedes was smart enough to pull out an elaborate theory from just a few observations, it wouldn't take much for her to catch his lie and chose a more embarrassing route for him.

Plus. Those were some really nice pumps. If she was wrong, they were his, even if he'd probably never walk in them.

The phone vibrated in his hand. Speak of the devil. Reluctantly, Kurt answered. "Yes?" he drawled.

_"Is he home?"_

"No he's still at – " he was cut off at the muffled sound of the front door opening and closing followed by a tired, 'Hey mom,' and a return greeting from Carole. "Shit!" he bit his tongue, "no, he's not home!"

_"Prada, Kurt, they could be yours."_

Kurt swore under his breath, he hated being tempted like this. Mercedes knew him a little too well. "'Cedes please, I can't do this, it's embarrassing, I feel like I'm gonna puke."

Mercedes didn't reply immediately. Just as she rarely bet on Prada, he rarely used her nickname, and when he did it usually meant he was being sincere. Kurt was nervous, which only meant one thing.

_"Kurt, you just proved I'm right. You're still into white boy."_

"I. Am. Not!" he growled angrily, walking furiously from one end of his room to the other.

_"And being nervous would be because…?"_

"He's practically my brother!" Kurt exploded, "any normal person would be nauseous!"

_"Okay how about this, think of it as an audition to some big Broadway production, you're the star – you wouldn't back down on a chance to demonstrate those acting skills would you?"_

He gave a long suffering sigh. "Fine, but just so you know, those shoes are mine."

_"Sure,"_ she giggled.

Hanging up, he wandered over to his life sized mirror and looked over himself. Outside of home he was very conscious of how he looked. He would never leave home without going over his facial routines, making sure not a hair was out of place, and most importantly, that his attire was fabulous. Once inside the comforts of his room, though, he cared very little how he looked.

The pajamas he wore weren't exactly high end or from any big label. They were a little old and somewhat baggy on him, the only reason he kept them was because they were comfortable even if they did nothing for his figure. He wasn't sure how he came to acquire them, but they weren't one of his more flashy garments, just a simple gray thermal shirt and dark gray and blue plaid pants so old there were little cotton balls clinging to them. He did not look fabulous at all, in his opinion.

But Mercedes had said casual was best, and anything out of place would be too suspicious.

Self consciously tugging at the hem of his shirt, Kurt sighed again. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it with an Oscar worthy performance. He pulled off the towel that had been wrapped around his head and ruffled his hair giving him a flyaway look, or as Mercedes liked to put it, the morning after look.

Squaring his shoulders, he marched up the stairs, took a deep breath and opened the door.

Finn was in the kitchen making himself a snack, his back toward him. Kurt froze on the spot, his heart jumped in his throat.

He wasn't ready for that.

No. He mentally smacked himself out of his stupor. The shoes! Think of the shoes!

Rolling his shoulders and hopping from one foot to the other as if he were a boxer warming up before the bell went off, he entered the kitchen, making a note that Finn was standing in front of the cabinet that held the cups.

"Hey, how was Sam's?" he asked as casually as possible, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the orange juice. From the corner of his eye he could see the taller teen freeze for half a second.

"Fine," was the answer, leaving no room for continued conversation. That was fine. Kurt walked over to him and reached above to open the cabinet, making sure that he was close enough to feel the other's body heat against him. Finn stiffened, but made no attempt to move away.

Kurt's stomach flipped. Close. They were too close.

Couldn't Carole come in and interrupt them or something?

Swallowing his nerves, Kurt slowly decided which cup to grab. "Wasn't game day today?" Finn nodded jerkily, the crinkling noise of plastic filling the kitchen as he fumbled with opening his frozen hot pocket. "How was that?"

"Fine," he repeated, his voice cracking a little. Kurt almost dropped his chosen cup. He hadn't expected Finn's voice to vibrate against him like that. Everything he was doing was rolling over him like an electric blanket that put his nerves on end. Finn was still having trouble with the hot pocket. It was making Kurt even more anxious.

"Here," he reached out, not even thinking, and grabbed the offending frozen food, his hand closing over Finn's.

His hand burned, heat spreading up his arm and through his body like a wild fire. He hadn't felt this in a while. Biting the corner of his lip, Kurt waited for the other teen to jump away ten feet and accuse him of rape. It never came. Finn hadn't moved.

He was looking at him.

A little fearfully, Kurt looked up and locked eyes with him. His face was flushed red, confusion and something else written over his eyes. Kurt had never seen this before, and never up close like this. He could feel Finn's breath ghost over him softly. Any closer and they could be…

Shaking his head, Kurt shakily took the hot pocket and squeezed down the plastic, at first it didn't work, so he tried again a few more times until finally the frozen food broke through its prison. He blushed brightly, he hadn't meant for that to look dirty. He hoped Finn didn't catch the meaning of what he just did, and mentally strangled him for having to choose a phallic shaped snack.

"Thanks," Finn cleared his hoarse throat, accepting the hot pocket.

"Mhm," Kurt nodded, backing away quickly, knowing something stupid would happen if he stayed close to Finn any longer. Awkwardly, the tall teen hurried on to heat up his snack in the microwave. Not sure what else to do, Kurt went back to his room. His orange juice forgotten.

Shutting the door behind him and resting his back against it, Kurt took a deep calming breath. He felt it. The dreaded flip of his stomach. The swelling in his chest, tingling of where he and Finn touched, and…and were his hands clammy! ?

"Damnit," he mumbled helplessly, burying his face in his hands.


	16. Confrontation

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N: so I think we're getting close to the end. Can't make any promises since I'm really winging it now (seeing as Epidemic has invaded my brain, writer's block has swooped in for this fic). The story could end two chapters from now or ten, I dunno, but I do know I'm close. Thanks for reading! And also I have NO idea what Sam's family's life is like, I'm making it up.

**kìyevame - goodbye/see you later** in Na'vi, took me forever to find this word, so hope I got it right.

…

Chapter Sixteen

Confrontation

…

Winter vacation was almost over, filled with heavy snow storms that left Lima a winter wonderland which really wasn't that wonderful to people who had to go to work. Finn had to face torturous hours home alone with only Kurt as company when their parents had to brave the snow for work. He could only go to Sam's house so many times before he got tired of having to pay for gas. Kurt had the same issue when he took trips to Mercedes's too.

So now they were locked up in their rooms with nothing to do, but stare at the ceilings over their beds. It was a miserable time and only lasted three days before Finn couldn't help it anymore and decided to go to the living room and watch tv. If Kurt ever crawled out of his room he'd just sneak back or something.

It was getting ridiculous though. Sam and Mercedes even told them so.

But it was working. Hopefully by the end of vacation they'd be over each other.

Finn had been watching a re-run of the Polar Express and was in the middle of dozing off when Kurt finally emerged from his room with the intention of getting a snack.

He was in the middle of preparing himself a light fruit salad when he heard the faint duet song coming from the living room.

_"I listen all around…"_

_"A herald angel sings…"_

_"I never hear a sound…"_

Forgetting why he was avoiding his 'stepbrother', Kurt peered from the door to the television surrounded in gaudy mixtures of red and green Christmas decorations. Wanting it to be the best Christmas ever, Carole and Burt had taken it upon themselves to cover everything with green pine and red ribbons. Kurt was sure that if he hadn't been running around trying to make the decorations half decent, he would have been colored in green and red as well. It was going to be hell taking down all the decorations.

_"Once lost will all be found…"_

Quietly munching on a pear slice, Kurt crept into the living room and made himself comfortable on an empty couch directly in front of the tv. He wondered vaguely if he hadn't missed the part where the hot chocolate came in, that was his favorite part.

Something moved from the corner of his eye, startling him. Biting back what would probably have a girly yelp, Kurt turned to the disturbance and realized with horror that it was Finn, all bundled up in a red fleece blanket and curled up in the couch beside him. He was also knocked out and drooling on one of the Christmas themed pillows that cost Carole a pretty penny.

Much as Kurt wanted to recoil in disgust, he couldn't help wanting to coo at how childishly cute the monstrously tall teen looked with his mussed up hair poking out of the blanket and his cheek squashed against the pillow he was leaning on.

Kurt turned back to the movie, figuring he was okay with his 'somewhat rekindled crush' sleeping not a few feet away from him. Besides, if Mercedes was right, which she had been so far, maybe this second time he really could have him.

Fitting how when he settled on this thought the two children on the screen ended their song with, _"that's all I want when Christmas comes to town."_

…

Sam wasn't sure how he was doing it, especially since he was on level sixty four on Proud difficulty, but he was seriously kicking Sephiroth's ass. One more life line to go and the fight was over, all he had to do was stay alive while not wasting his magic and then he could claim victory.

The blond was on the edge of his seat already, focused unblinking eyes glaring at the tv screen where Sora swung his keyblade desperately at the silver haired monster of a man. "Die, die, die, mother fff…!" He bit his bottom lip harder, alternating his thumb from the X button to the triangle button in quick successions.

Just as the bright green line of life on the top corner of the screen slowly chopped away to the end, the doorbell rang, knocking Sam off his concentration.

Instantly, his opponent sliced down his frighteningly long sword. Sora groaned in pain and the screen went black. With trembling hands, the controller slipped and fell to the floor with a clatter. The blonde sat there frozen.

So close. He was so close…

And he was going to rub it in Artie's face too...

The doorbell rang again. Growling in irritation, he pushed himself off the couch and stomped to the door.

His anger dissipated when he swung open the door and came face to face with Mike.

Mike who was still as disheveled as the last time minus the painful looking hand print on his face. His hair looked messier than usual, moving against the frigid winds of winter. Swallowing, Sam shook his head and stepped aside to let his friend in.

The taller teen gave him a tiny tired smile and entered the living room, glancing with a faint glimmer of amusement at the screen that now showed a lifeless Sora floating in darkness with his heart hovering above his chest.

"Still can't beat Sephiroth?" his asked quietly, circling back to Sam, who self-consciously hunched his shoulders and smiled sheepishly.

"I haven't played it that much, I'm still on level sixty four."

Nodding, Mike shoved his hands in his pockets. Sam waited. No one spoke.

"Who was at the – oh Mike!" Mrs. Evans entered the living room, the picture of a stay at home mom, even if she really wasn't, donning yellow rubber gloves, a sponge in one hand, a spatula in the other, and her hair all done up in a hasty bun. She smiled brilliantly at the now shy guest, "what a surprise, I haven't seen you in a while – would you like anything to drink?"

Mike shook his head, "no thanks, I won't be here for long."

"Oh," the woman blinked, disappointed, "that's a shame, you should come by more often, we miss you around the house." She threw a none too casual glance at her son who turned red in embarrassment, "well, make yourself at home," she cheerfully returned to the kitchen, Sam glaring at her retreating back. He never mentioned anything about his feelings for Mike to his parents, but his mother was a sharp woman and a hopeless romantic, so as soon as he came out to them, she wouldn't stop asking about Mike or hinting they had more spark than he did with Finn.

Which reminded him. Happy as he was that his crush was standing in his living room just a few feet away from him, Sam had no idea why he was here.

"So…" he started, turning back to the other boy, "is there…I mean, I'm not…um…" his cheeks burnt up again, the simple question in his head unable to formulate properly in words. He was silenced from his bumbling when a small plastic bag of cookies were handed to him.

"They're a little crushed," Mike said apologetically, "Tina wanted me to give them to you."

Caught off guard, Sam accepted the bag, and was halfway into unknotting the ribbon tied around it when he stopped short. "_Tina?_"

Mike shrugged with a nod. "She gave me one too. They're apology cookies. I think Rachel's getting to her."

Curiosity heightened, Sam opened the bag and pulled out a sugar cookie. In red icing was the word 'Sorry', all of the cookies had this. "I don't get it," he said dumbly, taking a hesitant bite, "did she do something or…" he felt himself start to panic, "are you two back to – "

"No!" Mike cut in quickly, "we're done for good, that's what the cookies are for, actually." Sam still looked confused.

"Then why am I getting cookies?" not that he was complaining, free cookies were always good in his books.

"She…well…" Mike shuffled from one foot to the other, he looked very uncomfortable. "She was jealous of you…because…" his pale cheeks turned pink, "w-we were getting kind of close…"

Sam's heart skipped a beat. He almost choked on his cookie. Tina was jealous? But then… He swallowed down the rest of the snack. "How exactly did you two break up?"

Mike rubbed the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at him. "We just got into a fight, we ended up saying too many things and then it was over."

Sam wanted to prod further, but after seeing that nasty hand print last time, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. At least, he noted with relief, Mike didn't seem to regret ending his relationship with Tina. That meant they could hang out again, right? He still couldn't believe he was in his living room right now. Disheveled as he was, it was still him, and it really had been so long since they'd had decent conversation, let alone have eye contact. Sam was struck with how badly he missed his friend, his chest was clenching.

"I'd better go," Mike said suddenly, startling Sam from his thoughts, "my parents are expecting me."

"Oh. Um…" he was scrambling for words again, mentally screaming at himself for being as articulate as an infant. "Okay. Thanks for the…the sorry cookies," he ended lamely.

"Yeah," he moved to the door, and a second later, Sam followed, remembering Mike would have to walk through the door to actually leave. "Rachel called by the way, she wants everyone to meet at her place for some emergency meeting tomorrow."

Rachel? Sam stared at Mike blankly. Who was Rachel? He almost said so when an image of a perky brunette in grandma clothes popped up in his head. Oh, that Rachel. Why would Rachel call Mike? She was dating Quinn!

"Do you want me to pick you up?" They were huddled by the door, which still hadn't been opened, and so close Sam was sure his knees would buckle if the other teen reached out to him. He had just barely understood the question and was only able to respond with a sluggish nod. "Okay, I'll pick you up around three," this time the door opened, winter air waking Sam up from his dreamy state. Mike remained on the spot, there seemed to be more he wanted to say. Sam waited. And he must have really been dreaming this time, because the next second Mike's hand was on his shoulder in a friendly pat, but lingering; the weight of it warming the blond up with a burning desire to get closer to the Asian. He let out a shaky breath, vaporizing visibly in the bitter cold air. "We should hang out soon…kìyevame."

The blond's eyes widened in shock. The bag of cookies slipped quietly from his limp hands and fell to the floor.

Then the next second, Mike's wonderfully warm hand left him, and he was gone.

…

When he woke up he found himself in an awkward position on the couch with a royally painful neck ache and his hand under his chest now suffering the painful prickles of having fallen asleep. Grimacing in pain, his throat feeling scratchy, Finn groggily sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Once he adjusted to the bright living room, he could see from a glance at the window that it was evening, and the television was still on, now showing the news.

That's when he realized he wasn't the only one in the living room.

Biting back a jolt of surprise, he came face to face with his almost stepbrother, sitting with his knees up on the couch next to his, and looking lost in thought. For what felt like hours, Finn was speechless. All throughout vacation they had been avoiding each other and now he was sitting right in front of him, with his combed to the side hair, baggy pajamas, and well cared for porcelain face. Finn felt taken, ugly, and fluttery all at once just by being in Kurt's presence.

If Kurt was surprised to see the other boy awake, he didn't show it. Actually, he looked like he was expecting him.

"Uh...what time is it?" Finn asked, pointedly looking around as if a clock would suddenly pop up.

"Six thirty," he was staring at the coffee table distantly, "just so you know I sent dad and Carole off to a date at Breadstix. They left over an hour ago, so we don't have much time before they come back."

Finn's breath caught in his throat. Burt and Carole weren't home. They were alone. In the same room. With the six o'clock news going in the background, and Kurt, sitting across from him, not hiding the fact that he planned this. His heart starting hammering against his chest.

"O-oh…okay…" was all he could say, unconsciously clenching the blanket that was still wrapped around him. Suddenly shy, Finn wrapped it closer, his ears burning red. "Is there a reason – "

"I wanted to talk to you," Kurt still wasn't looking at him, he wrapped his arms around his legs, appearing small and vulnerable, and even though Finn's heart was going a million miles a minute, he started to worry. "It's…" the soprano's brows knitted lightly, "I shouldn't be bringing it up after everything that's happened…but…" he licked his lips. Finn swallowed nervously. "I've been talking to Mercedes and…" his shoulders hunched, he seemed like a scared little boy. Finn was swept with the urge to go over and hug him. "I don't want to go around scheming again, it's never worked before, and it never ends well," he let out a long tired sigh, "so I'll be straightforward this time," he bit his bottom lip, "do you…are…do you love Sam?"

Finn stiffened at the mention of his 'boyfriend' or rather 'friend with benefits' even if the benefits weren't that much. Was this his chance? He wondered with baited breath. Was Kurt giving him an opening.

Or maybe, Finn thought with rash horror, Kurt liked Sam.

"I…" he couldn't speak. The fear that Kurt was after Sam and not him invading his ability to form words. Kurt looked up expectantly, teal eyes distraught. It was a look Finn had always hated on the other boy, especially if the cause was his own. He had to erase it somehow, even if it meant his answer would potentially leave him with nothing. "No," he replied quietly, the back of his scalp tingling in anticipation, he felt naked somehow, "do you?"

A flicker of confusion brushed those clear crystal eyes. "No," Kurt whispered.

For a second Finn forgot how to breathe. What was Kurt trying to tell him? He wanted to ask, but there was still that irrational fear that he could be wrong and feel broken all over again.

"Why are you with Sam?"

"Huh?"

Kurt looked straight into his eyes, "why are you with Sam?"

Now it was Finn who felt tiny and insecure. There was only one answer to this question, and it could ruin everything. Kurt told him – he _showed_ him – that he was over him. "Because…" he started, scrambling for the right answer that wouldn't set him up for another rejection. But he couldn't. There wasn't any easy way of skirting around the answer. He was a terrible liar anyway. "Where's all this coming from?" he felt like a coward.

"I just…" now Kurt was trying to find the right words, "I just feel like…Rachel cheated on you with Quinn, suddenly you tell the school you're gay and start going out with Sam!" he paused to catch his breath, Finn honestly didn't expect that answer, "I don't get it. It's like…you _need _to be with someone, even if you don't love them – "

"That's not true!"

"Then why are you with Sam if you don't have feelings for him?" Kurt snapped, cheeks flushed red.

And then that was it, he couldn't hold it back anymore. "Because I can't be with the one that I want!" A dreadful silence followed this, interrupted only by the weatherman predicting another storm, and Finn's heavy breathing. He felt shattered again, just as he had when he discovered baby Drizzle was really Puck's, when his trust and guilt over Rachel was destroyed, and when he first saw Kurt squashed between the lockers and Puck with their lips married in a searing kiss. Just by saying it out loud made him feel the reality of how alone he really felt. He gave his heart to so many people, and they threw it in his face.

But despite all this, he still loved Kurt.

And even though he denied it, Kurt was right; Finn _did_ need to be with someone. He wanted so badly to have someone tell him they loved him, with all their heart. He wanted to be needed, desired – _everything_. He wanted someone to tell him he wasn't stupid or selfish or a trophy. He wanted to feel like he mattered.

Most of all, out of everything in the world, he wanted Kurt to be that kid again who's eyes were filled with so much love whenever he looked at him, to hear his breathless voice laced with adoration, because Finn wouldn't push him away this time. He would hold him in his arms and never let go, and tell him a million times how sorry he was for driving him away.

Finn sank in the couch in defeat, feeling his self disgust pile up again. He was a horrible person. Using Sam to pretend to be with Kurt. Staying with Rachel even though he no longer loved her. Was there anything in his life that he did do right?

Anything?

The more he thought back, the more Finn felt miserable about himself. He could never do anything right. He was too stupid and selfish to do anything right. He could never deserve Kurt.

He let out a humorless laugh, "I'm a piece of shit."

He couldn't be here anymore. Not with Kurt seeing what a terrible person he was. Getting up on unsteady legs, he left the living room.

"Wait," Kurt stumbled out of the couch, "Finn!"

He walked faster down the hall; his door was just a few feet away.

"Finn!" Kurt grabbed his arm and spun him around, forcing him to look at his panic stricken eyes. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I kept prodding. Just please…" he looked pained, and Finn couldn't understand why, "please, don't cry anymore."

...He was crying?

It wasn't until now that he could feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks, he was sniffling, his bottom lip was starting to tremble, and his eyes were burning. He was crying in front of him, in front of Kurt, who seemed two seconds from spilling a few tears as well. Finn tried to stop, he really did, but wave after wave of fresh tears kept spilling. Because he knew that in any other situation, Kurt wouldn't be this close to him, and that made Finn more miserable than anything.

Kurt pulled him in his arms, hands running soothingly up and down his shuddering back. Finn's knees lost their strength and buckled. Stumbling to the floor, leaning against the wall, Finn wrapped his arms around Kurt's tiny frame, his fingers curling into the soft fabric of Kurt's shirt, and effectively pulling him so close they were flush against each other. He felt so warm and delicate in his arms. Burying his face in the crook of the other boy's neck, Finn started to sob.

He could never have what Kurt used to feel for him. Not now or ever. Because he deserved so much better, and Finn could never give him that.


	17. In Which Brittany is Insightful

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N: so this chapter came out exactly the opposite of the way I wanted (insert nervous giggle). Apparently my fingers found a plot bunny lol

…

Chapter Seventeen

In Which Brittany is Insightful

…

They were all huddled in the basement of Rachel's home, separated in their little cliques and throwing each other uncomfortable glances. At first Finn didn't know why there was so much tension hovering around them until Rachel herself, seated neatly in front of the mini stage with the lights all pointed to her like some holy angel, finally spoke up. He was surprised to note that even though she was the one to initiate the meeting, and would have been in 'hard working star' mode, that she actually looked nervous.

"I know things haven't been going well in the past few glee meetings," she said importantly, her voice shaking only slightly as she picked her words carefully. Quinn, who was naturally sitting next to her, placed a comforting hand on her knee.

"That's sugar coating it Miss Broadway," Santana scowled, her arms crossed over her chest and crossed leg wiggling impatiently. She obviously wanted to be anywhere but in the basement of their brunette leader. Finn noticed that she was separate from everyone else, closest to the door and with no Brittany at her hip. The blonde cheerio was actually sitting next to Tina on the other side of the room looking at her winter boots like they were more fascinating than whatever it was Rachel had to say.

Actually. Finn furtively looked around the room. The seating arrangement was weird again. Just like the first time during that glee meeting so long ago. It felt like decades ago…

Since they had broken up recently, Finn wasn't surprised to see Mike sitting with Sam and him across from where Tina sat with Brittany and Mercedes. Kurt had miraculously placed himself to Finn's left, though he wasn't sure why. After turning his shirt into a tissue, Finn was sure the other teen would be too uncomfortable to be near him. _He_ was uncomfortable after unexpectedly angsting on him.

Puck was sitting next to Artie by Rachel. The latter who seemed deeply confused and discomfited by the tension in the air and was trying to distract himself by fiddling his thumbs or wiping his glasses for the tenth time. Puck, to Finn's irritation, kept throwing glances at Kurt who thankfully ignored them with a haughty cold shoulder.

"Yes, I suppose I am," Rachel relented to Santana's comment. "The point is we have a show fast approaching and we've yet to have gone through a number without messing up five seconds in, nor have we decided on a finale," her voice softened, picking up the confident pace everyone was used to, "Mr. Schue's been working his ass off guys, it's not fair to him. We need to leave our problems off the stage and come together as a group," she cleared her throat importantly and straightened up in her seat, "which is why I called everyone here. We're putting everything on the table, and we're going fix this."

Finn's mouth turned dry. There was no way he was telling everyone he was messing up because he was distracted by his ever-growing crush on Kurt. From the way Sam tensed beside him he knew he felt the same.

"What is this a therapy session?" Puck sneered, while everyone else squirmed at the thought of saying their problems in front of everyone, "I'm not going all breakfast club and spilling my guts out to you guys, no offense, but that's just not how I roll."

"Fine then I'll go first," Rachel frowned, emitting many eye rolls from the group. Finn watched with growing dread as she cleared her throat again and looked his way. "I know I've said this before, but I want to say it again, in front of everyone this time – "

"You really don't – " he tried to argue, but she cut him off.

"I have to," she insisted, her clasped hands over her lap tightening. Finn's words died in his throat, knowing she would go on to say what she wanted no matter how much he protested. She distractedly flattened her red flannel skirt, cheerful colors for the holiday that didn't fit the mood of the room. "I know what I did was horrible. Especially after everything you've been put through. I should have told you sooner and…and I really regret it, even though you said you forgive me, I know that a part of you hates me for it, so…" she shrugged, her voice watery, "I'm sorry. I really am."

"Me too," Quinn said quietly, startling Finn. It was probably the first time in a long while since they'd spoken, he couldn't remember the last time he looked into her soft blue eyes, now filled with remorse and the slightest hint of calm. He hadn't seen her like this ever, and it was probably all due to Rachel. They both looked so relaxed together, something he could never have had with either of them. Once again he felt the pang of jealously strike through his chest. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. I'll understand if you never fully forgive me about the whole Puck thing and now this. You deserve better."

Somewhere in the back of his head he wondered how Rachel managed to turn Quinn around and let her open up in front of everyone and tell him these things without sounding like a cold hearted bitch. But this was mortifying. He was fine with accepting Rachel's apology in private without the need to make a show of it in front of the whole glee club – especially in front of Kurt who just yesterday had to deal with him crying on him over his pitiable self worth.

"It's fine," he said lamely, wishing desperately for the ground to open up and swallow him.

"Of course it's fine, you're gay," Santana's coarse voice resounded throughout the room. "you wouldn't be cool with it if you weren't – besides, you have trouty mouth to keep you company so you have nothing to feel sorry for."

"Santana, the point of this meeting was to discuss our problems and deal with them," Rachel snapped, cheeks turning red.

"Can you stop calling me that?" Sam half shouted, twisting around in his seat to face the girl.

"Being gay is no excuse to not feel hurt that the one they loved cheated on them," Kurt added, "Finn came out after he broke up with Rachel, but I've seen how upset he was when he found out she was with Quinn, so I find it insulting that you think he came out of all that without a scratch just because he's _gay_."

Finn resisted the urge to correct that he was upset because he was jealous the two girls had something he wanted to have with Kurt, and that part of that hurt was his fault for going off to Puck soon after.

"The problem is we suck," Brittany spoke up suddenly, making the growing protests from everyone fall silent and turn to her in surprise, "no matter how much we try to _deal_, there's always that little monster in our heads that can't help hating the person next to us because they think they're so awesome – our _problem_ is we're teenagers and we can't get over ourselves that it's not just about 'me, me, me,' but that it's also about the group and the people that care about us. We're just too selfishly absorbed into the drama in our lives that we don't stop to see how it's affecting everyone else. We're stupid like that, and we won't stop until one of us ends up broken like the glass of water I broke last week."

Everyone stared at the blonde as if she were an extraterrestrial. Finn was starting to believe an alien had disguised themselves as the cheerio in order to spout out random insightful word vomits to render them speechless and then eat their brains for good measure.

"That was…deep," Artie managed to say, brows lost in his fringe.

"What are you trying to say, Brittany?" Rachel asked cautiously, wondering if she was going to say something even more meaningful.

"I'm saying that even though we'll solve our problems today, they won't be solved tomorrow, or the day after that," the blonde said simply, strangely pessimistic for such a light tone. "We're always gonna find something to complain about, and because we all wanna be stars, we're always gonna fight. The only reason we really suck now is because the 'me, me, me' is becoming more important than the 'us, us, us." At this she looked straight at Santana, who fidgeted under her gaze and looked away.

"And how are we going to fix that?" Mercedes asked, also wary of breaking Brittany's sudden thinking bubble.

"We can't," she shrugged, still staring at Santana, "we're too afraid of the consequences."

Finn did a mental flinch. He had a feeling Brittany was only speaking to the now quiet Santana, but what she said struck a chord in him. Telling Kurt he loved him was something he desperately wanted to do, but knowing those feelings weren't reciprocated hurt more than the urge to just say it. There was so much baggage that came behind those three words. Burt and his mother would end up finally knowing he was gay, and much worse, he _lived_ with Kurt. The situation at home would take a steady decline to doom until it would no longer be possible to live with the Hummel's.

And his mother was so happy with Burt right now. He couldn't do that to her.

"So what do we do?" he asked softly, realizing a second too late he voiced it.

Brittany shrugged again. "Suck it up and spill? I'm just tired of waiting for something that won't happen unless I say it…I'm not really a dolphin, but I guess you could call me a mermaid…or a combination of a shark and a dolphin."

No one had anything to say to that simply because they had no idea what she meant. The only one who seemed to understand was Santana, who now had bitter tears in her eyes.

…

After the elephant of a silence that followed Brittany's epic rant Rachel announced a ten minute break to gather their thoughts. Everyone was more than happy to get out of the basement, especially Santana who went outside in the biting cold for fresh air. Finn would never understand the girl. One minute she's Satan, the next she seems to be almost human and you find yourself feeling bad for her, though you can't figure out why.

Worrying if Santana's alright isn't in the forefront of his mind though. Barely an hour passed since he arrived at Rachel's house and already he can see that Sam and Mike are as inseparable as they were before Tina intervened.

The two were in the kitchen talking about something Finn couldn't understand. Sam's leaning on the counter, and Mike's right beside him, close enough that their shoulders are touching. They're smiling softly, a special spark in their eyes. It doesn't take much for Finn to know that Mike feels the same for Sam as the blond does for him. All it would take was for one of them to accidentally let something slip and they'd be together in a snap.

Just as he felt for whenever he saw Rachel and Quinn together, he now felt that familiar pang of jealousy for the two boys in the kitchen.

He turned away and fully entered the living room where Brittany and Tina were sitting. They weren't speaking, which was fine with him, he just wanted to be done with the stupid meeting and go back to moping at home.

The silence of the room lasted for a total of ten seconds.

"Finn, do you love Sam?" Tina asked, her quiet voice blaring through the living room like thunder. Finn winced.

"Uh…" he was starting to notice that he could never answer the Asian girl without sounding like an idiot. This was the second time that question was directed to him too.

Tina blinked in surprise, "I'll…take that as a no?"

"That's not why I…I mean…" he was torn between saying yes or no, lying to the girl felt like trying to tell Brittany that Santa didn't exist. He wanted to tell her that yes he loved Sam in order to keep up the front that they were happy together, but another part was so tired of pretending Sam was Kurt and that he would happily break up with him if only to relieve himself of the guilt and emptiness he felt whenever he was with the blond.

Tina didn't press for a straight answer, but she eyed him thoughtfully and sank back into the squashy sofa. Brittany stood up abruptly, startling the two.

"I'm going to talk to Santana," she said, determination in her eyes. Without even picking up her coat, she marched out the door to confront the Latina. A pregnant silence fell over the living room again, but it was soon cut short by the loud and very pissed voice of Santana, and the calm and bordering oblivious voice of Brittany. He was going to choose to ignore it had he not heard something particularly interesting in their argument.

"…Used Finn like that, we both knew he was dolphin a long time ago."

"I wasn't going to use him! I wanted to know for sure! I would have explained it to him! It's not like Berry wasn't his beard or – "

"Why can't we just – "

"No! I can't!"

They were talking about him? Before Finn could stop himself, he was across the living room in two strides and wrenched the front door open, frightening the two girls into jumping a foot in the air.

Tina watched, or rather listened to the unfolding drama going on outside. She had no idea what was going on, or why it involved Finn, or why it upset the two girls so much, but she didn't have much time to think on it because Sam had just entered the living room, Mike nowhere in sight. Knowing what was about to happen, Tina threw a small smile to the blond as he settled on the same spot Finn had occupied not a few seconds ago.

"Hi," he started quietly, eyeing her warily.

"Hi," she greeted back, willing herself to be patient, and calm the monster inside that wanted to scratch Sam's eyes out.

"Um…so…" he looked down at the phone in his hand, flipping it around like a nervous tick, "you gave me apology cookies yesterday…why?"

From the way he was squirming around and avoiding her eyes, Tina knew he knew what the cookies were for. He just needed a confirmation from her. She hoped her smile didn't seem too forced. She was going to talk to him about this, but not here with everyone else wandering around and there being a good chance that they'd catch her breaking down. She'd have to suck it up though. Sam might not approach her like he was now.

Besides, what Brittany said earlier kind of pumped up her courage, even though she had no clue what the dolphin mermaid thing was about.

"You know why," she replied quietly. Sam made no sign to speak so she continued, "I wanted to apologize because…I haven't been very nice to you," she took a deep breath, "when I was with Mike I noticed you two were getting really close. I was fine with it at first because ever since Matt moved, Mike's been lonely without his best friend – I was happy you were filling that void," her voice hitched slightly at the memories of seeing her ex-boyfriend so happy with the blond footballer, smiling in such a way that could no longer be directed at her. It would take a while before she'd get over Mike. "But then I started to notice that you were getting closer than I would have expected from two friends and I was afraid that I was going to lose him," she lowered her head in shame. "So I convinced him to stop hanging out with you – not so…blatantly, but I just sort of…hogged him more. It worked for a bit, I tried to ignore how unhappy he was, but then we got into that argument, and I just couldn't do it anymore."

She blinked back tears that were forming. She wasn't going to cry again, she had enough of having a stuffy nose and puffy red eyes, and feeling sorry for herself. She just wanted to wake up one morning with not having the thought of Mike drive her to tears.

"What was that fight about?" Sam asked cautiously before adding, "if you don't mind me asking."

Tina smiled wryly. "It was just a stupid fight, it shouldn't have blown up the way it did. We just didn't agree on what movie to watch that night, he mentioned your name, and I snapped. I really shouldn't have slapped him, but in the end it was over. I'm glad it's over, it wouldn't have worked out anyway, the way you two have been going." Sam looked at his lap again, cheeks reddening. Tina would have laughed only it probably would have been between a bark and a sob. "I'm giving you a chance here, I know you don't really like Finn that way, I've seen the way you look at Mike."

Sam was fidgeting again, partly because he felt horrible that it was his fault Tina broke up with Mike. "It's not that easy," he managed to mumble.

"Of course it is. Haven't you heard a word Brittany said downstairs?" and she smiled genuinely this time, remembering that Sam wasn't the evil kid who stole her boyfriend, but the dorky guy who couldn't help his feelings, and was probably suffering just as badly as she was. "The worst that could happen is him saying no, and you're an idiot if you think he'll say that." Sam still looked uncertain. "Do you know how much he reads those Na-vi language sites? Or his newfound interest in whether Marvel is better than DC?"

Sam was blushing again. "But still," he argued halfheartedly, "this can't be easy for you either."

"I'll get over it," she waved him off with more confidence than she actually felt. "I ship Mike and happiness." The blond looked up with his brows knitted in confusion, "besides, two guys going at it? Kind of hot."

Knowing she was trying to perk up the mood even if they didn't really feel it themselves, Sam cracked a small grin to her playful smirk, quietly thankful to her for giving him this chance.

…

He wasn't sure how it happened, but the second he barged in on the two cheerio's, they argued for about another minute until Santana threw up her hands and shouted that she loved Brittany so much it was started to interfere with her terrorizing the school. The two shared a heated kiss that left Finn utterly confused and wishing his legs would move so he wouldn't have to keep watching them display their obvious love for each other. That and it was fucking cold out.

"So…" he cut in, shifting from one foot to the other, "what does this all have to do with me?"

Brittany was the first to break away; her previously pink lip glossed lips now red and bruised from the passionate lip lock. "Santana wanted to entertain me with dolphin drama, but we got into a fight and she wanted to use you to make me jealous, but you messed it up by telling everyone that you really were a dolphin, so it would be impossible for her to use you," she smiled toothily, "she never knows what to do without me, so she lost it."

Trying to find any sense in what the blonde had told him was making Finn's head hurt, so he simply nodded and went back inside, leaving them to their love bubble.

He looked at his watch. Five more minutes and they had to go back downstairs. With Brittany and Santana back together maybe some of the earlier tension would be lifted. Spotting Sam in the living room, he flopped down next to him. Tina was gone.

The two friends stared ahead at the impressive flat screen tv sitting in front of them. Neither of them made an effort to turn it on even though they wanted to watch something to break the silence.

"I talked to Tina," Sam said conversationally. Finn nodded, impressed that they confronted each other after the whole confusion with Mike. Where was Mike anyway? "She said she always knew." Finn resisted the urge to agree, not sure if Sam would put it against him for knowing why Mike was avoiding him when he was with the shy girl. "I've been thinking about what Brittany said."

"Me too," because who hadn't?

And before either of them said it, they already knew what was going to be said next. They were tired of pretending. Of looking at the hand they were holding and realizing it wasn't the one they wanted. Of kissing in the dark because they couldn't stand to look at the other and see someone different from their fantasies.

Plus, one of them had a chance to be with the one they wanted; it'd be stupid to pass on that chance.

"Can we break up?"

"I think we should break up."

Both looked at each other in bemusement before falling into peels of laughter, feeling entirely ridiculous about the situation. Their moment of hilarity was cut short by the growing shouts coming from the backyard that were becoming more and more hostile. At first Finn thought Brittany and Santana were fighting again, but the voices were two masculine to be them.

Mercedes rushed into the living room just as Rachel and Quinn emerged from the basement looking alarmed.

"White boy, your man's in trouble."

Not even pausing to correct her that he didn't have a 'man', Finn leaped out of the sofa and followed her through the kitchen and out the backdoor where the strangest scene leapt out at him.

Apparently everyone seemed to find it fine to chill outside in the bitter cold of winter. Finn wasn't sure what was happening, but the prominent yelling was coming from both Kurt and Puck. The shorter of the two being held back by both Tina and Artie, and Puck struggling against Mike who was having trouble holding the strong teen back.

Before Finn could ask what was going on, Kurt broke away and rushed head on towards Puck, who also broke free. Finn stood frozen on the spot as the two crashed into each other and fell in a heap of fists and kicks. He watched in horror as they rolled around the snow, decorating the other's faces with bruises and scratches.

There was no way this could be happening.


	18. Decisions

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee

A/N/Warning-ish: so just saying right now that I really do love Puck, I just didn't expect this chapter to…suddenly turn tail and assault him. It's nothing too bad I think. Figured I just say something in case some Puck fans out there feel the need to shoot me X.X Also, not entirely sure how I feel about this chapter, I've looked it over six million times and kept changing things, hopefully this isn't too…IDK blah? lol

…

Chapter Eighteen

Decisions

…

Just as quickly as it had blown up, it ended. Probably because Finn jumped in and easily tore Kurt away from Puck. There was much yelling, words Finn couldn't really comprehend because all his mind was stuck on was the look of absolute fury on Kurt's face. A fury he couldn't understand, nor was he sure he wanted to.

Now they were alone and in one of the nearest bathrooms with Kurt sitting on the toilet and him cleaning up his wounds. His face came out more bloodied up than Finn was comfortable with, and he jerked whenever the other boy winced from fresh cuts coming in contact with alcohol.

Puck hadn't fared any well either. By the end of the fight he was sporting a black eye, something that looked disturbingly like a footprint on the side of his face, and a hell of a bloody nose.

So much damage. From the least likely person in the world.

Why would he do this? Kurt wasn't the type to throw punches. He wasn't the type to remain quiet about his explosion either, being the person to continue babbling about whatever made him so mad. Now he was silent, glaring into space and grumpily letting Finn clean him up.

There was guilt there too. Finn didn't have to guess why the countertenor was feeling remorse.

_"What happened?"_ _Rachel demanded angrily when they had all gathered outside to separate the brawling boys. She glared icily at the two bruised up boys, locks of hair billowing across her face angrily. The screaming died away. The cries of alarm quieted as well. If it was one place that was a no fighting zone, it was definitely Rachel's house. Puck and Kurt relaxed under the arms of their friends, the fight gone out of them at the presence of their captain. The brunette looked from Kurt to Puck, eyes flashing with rage. Everyone had seen her pissed before, but not like this, and this time she had good reason to be angry and not because she lost a solo to a teammate. Two of her friends just broke into a fight in her house. No one said anything. The silence was enough to suffocate them with anticipation._

_"Nothing," Puck muttered, shaking Mike off him. With the look Rachel was sending him, Finn feared that maybe she was going to have a go at Puck too._

_"I set this meeting up to fix our problems," she said heatedly, tiny hands balled into fists, "We need to be a team again – a team! I give you guys a ten minute break and you're suddenly fighting? With Kurt?" She whipped her head around to said boy, betrayed. Kurt looked away, now more guilty than angry. "What the hell is going on?" she waved her hands at the two, "are we just going to fall apart like this? Let whatever this is eat us up? What the hell is wrong with us!"_

Everyone winced. Rachel's scream echoing throughout the neighborhood. Still no one said anything, no one made a half hearted jab for her crap preaching, or argue that she was being a drama queen again

Because she said 'us' that time.

She included herself as a problem.

She wasn't worried about herself. She was worried about them.

That struck them more than anything.

Rachel didn't give them chance to respond. Eyes brimming, she stormed back inside the house, Quinn chasing after her.

And now here Finn and Kurt were, in a too happy bathroom with potpourri and daisies. Decorations all made by Rachel most likely. Her parents may be gay, but Finn met them a few times, they were the least stereotypical gays he'd ever met.

As he busied himself with cleaning Kurt up, the quiet teen watched him closely.

The fight may have startled Finn, but it didn't stop him from blushing at their close proximity, or keep his hands from trembling. He knew that look better than anyone, and he would have been ecstatic if it weren't for what Puck said earlier.

_"I've known him longer than you; I've seen him in relationships. He's going to make you miserable."_

Kurt turned his head away, feeling a little nauseous at the tanned boy's words. Finn paused briefly, afraid that he'd done something wrong, but since Kurt made no other move to push him away, he re-soaked his wad of tissue paper and went back to wiping away blood.

He wanted to ask what happened, but that irrational part inside him was too afraid to. The image of Kurt's small fists hitting his ex-best friend replaying over and over again like a nightmarish broken record player. His beautiful face twisted up in a mask of wrath so fresh in his mind. Rolling in the snow, unaware of how he was ruining his well cared for clothes.

That wasn't Kurt.

He bit his lip to keep from asking. He probably might not like what he'd say if it made Kurt lose his mind enough to physically hurt someone.

Kurt flexed his fingers, warming up from the numbing cold that came with fighting in the snow, cracking a few knuckles in the process. A part of him still wanted to continue beating the crap out of Puck. Another, now clarified with the warmth and quiet of the bathroom, was horrified he'd snapped so easily. Puck had never gotten under his skin as he did just then. Even when he bullied him, he never provoked him so badly before. He was actually getting along with him in glee, and they both never talked about the stunt they pulled just before vacation.

He couldn't keep his eyes off him for too long. Kurt looked back at Finn as he gently swathed his cuts with the reddening toilet paper. Aside from the disgust of seeing his own blood soaking up paper, Kurt could see the faint blush on Finn's cheeks turn brighter.

He was pointedly keeping his eyes focused on his work.

It meant he knew Kurt was watching, and he was silently praying that he wouldn't mess up and look like an idiot. He was breathing a little more quickly too. Kurt was pretty sure the taller boy's heart was pounding.

_"I've seen the way he looks at you."_

Kurt looked away again, Pucks previous words still echoing in his head. There was no use in denying it anymore, or taking Mercedes's assumptions as 'maybe's. He knew the look painting Finn's face because he mirrored it once too. He could remember being so close to Finn, trying to keep from slipping out hopeless 'I love you's', masking his face with disinterest, yet unable to hide a flush or the slightest swoon.

And it was all over Finn's face. He could feel his fingers trembling against his skin at the briefest moment of contact. The one too many gulps he tried to keep undetected from him. The unconscious way he inched closer and closer.

Kurt grabbed Finn's hand to stop him. They made eye contact for a second until Finn quickly backed away by getting more toilet paper. Kurt shut his eyes and slumped his shoulders, suddenly feeling very tired.

_"I've known him longer than you; I've seen him in relationships. He's going to make you miserable."_

That line continued to repeat in his head. It was starting to make him angry again.

Finn pulled out a box of bandages from under the sink. Kurt stiffened when he started covering some of his bigger cuts. The blood made it seem like the wounds were pretty bad, but the cuts were shallow, the only really bad one being a split lip. Once cleaned up, Kurt was starting to look a bit more like himself.

Kurt wondered how badly he marred Finn's image of him. No one had ever seen him lose it. Rachel was probably going to drill him into telling him exactly what happened between him and Puck. The problem was there wasn't much to tell, nor any justifiable excuse for him to start a fight.

Any other time he would have brushed Puck's comments off, say something snippy and walk away.

But not after what happened yesterday.

Not after saying the same thing that Puck told him today.

_"Finn doesn't function unless he's with someone, and when he's with someone he's not smart enough to keep them, they'll always leave him for someone else, he doesn't care about them, the only thing he wants is for them to care about him."_

Kurt didn't put it in those exact words, but it made the guilt from yesterday double. He had never seen Finn break down. It was unnerving and terrifying at the same time. He used to think of Finn as a kind of hero with no flaws, and even if he did have some, they were endearing.

It pissed him off that Puck could say such a thing about Finn. But it pissed him off even more that he secretly agreed.

_"He's never going to get any better, its Finn, he's too stupid to figure out his problems."_

Then Kurt saw red.

_"And you're not? Letting Santana order you around and seduce me in front of everyone?"_

_"Will you give that up? I made a mistake, I'm sorry, what else do you want me to do?"_

_"I don't know, you're suddenly being a good friend and warning me to stay away from Finn? You're not a saint either, Puck, you've slept with half the town and you've never given a shit about who they were – and you may have stopped tossing me in dumpsters, but you don't approach people like me unless you've got something in it for yourself. What do you want? Had a taste of this and now you want more?"_

Puck had grabbed his arm then. Kurt could still feel his fingers bruising into his skin. _"Don't mess with me, man. I told you before, I can go back to dumpsters and slushies."_

_"And once again you turn to violence when you don't have anything else up your sleeve, you're intelligence is showing."_

_"I'm serious"_

_"So am I. What the hell do you want from me?"_

By the time things were getting heated, a few of the others joined them in the yard. Nothing happened enough for them to notice just yet. Him and Puck were in a corner, talking under their breaths. It actually wouldn't have blown up as badly as it did because when Puck didn't answer, Kurt had started to walk away.

But then Puck grabbed his arm and pulled him close.

And he kissed him.

Strangely, Kurt wasn't surprised. They may have not talked after their 'break up', but when they were together, if anyone could even call it that, Pucks gazes were lingering more and more.

There was no love in those eyes, but he knew. He knew Puck wanted him.

And it pissed him off.

Puck was everything Kurt didn't want. He took everything that was in his path, even if it wasn't his then tossed it aside after the satisfaction of acquiring it died away. He may have been right about Finn, but he played a huge role in that problem.

So Kurt did the only thing he could think of while being wrapped in the boys' muscular arms with his lips against his. He kicked his knee up and hit something very precious.

And that's when the yelling started.

Kurt watched Finn apply the first bandage under his cheek. His blush was starting to turn brighter. It was saddening and infuriating at the same time. Kurt's gut twisted. He hated to admit it, even in the privacy of his own mind. But he pitied Finn. He knew what he was going through, and he could sympathize. But this was…depressing.

He just got into a fight with a guy twice his size, and Finn was tending to his wounds blushing like a schoolgirl. Kurt wondered if he was really this bad when he was hopelessly in love with him. Feelings may have resurfaced, but they weren't as strong as they used to be. He knew Finn now. He wasn't the knight in shining armor he romanticized him as; he was a bumbling idiot who cared more for where he stood in the social ladder.

And more than anything, if Finn really did love him as much as Mercedes said he was. And if his and Puck's assumptions of him were right, then he had to make a hard decision.

"I didn't mean…for all that to happen yesterday," he said quietly, voice cracking from all the earlier screaming. Finn paused briefly. Kurt continued staring at the spot below his shoulder. "I just wanted to talk I…I didn't know."

"It's okay," Finn mumbled, ducking his head in embarrassment, "I didn't mean to go all emo on you either. Forget that ever happened."

"I didn't mean what I said," Kurt sighed heavily, eyes shutting tiredly, "you're suddenly gay and with Sam…it's just so out of nowhere…I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I know you've had bad relationships – I just didn't want to see you get hurt…it's…it's just become a pattern with you…"

"I know." Finn busied himself with the next bandage, focusing on the scratches marring porcelain skin, "but you're right. I suck at relationships," he smiled bitterly, "I just…I want…" no he couldn't say it. He couldn't be pathetic and say it. Not to Kurt.

"You just want someone to love you," Kurt muttered, "I know."

He shut his eyes.

Fuck.

The knot in his throat made its nasty appearance. Demanding release. His hands were shaking, barely getting the bandage on the right spot.

Breathe.

Think of something happy. Something stupid. Something funny.

Anything that could take his mind off the awful loneliness he was unwillingly baring to Kurt. Anything to keep him off the pain that ate at him. Kurt watched him closely, catching every little twitch he made.

"You can't throw yourself at the first person you see," Kurt said gently, taking his hands in his. He was looking at him now, the sad, but caring look in his eyes piercing him. Shit.

"I know," he whispered. He pried his hands out of Kurt's, forcing himself to ignore the pang at the loss of contact that left him feeling a little dizzy. He rubbed his face roughly and let out a gust of air he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Was he really that bad? Did he really throw himself to anyone who'd show him the slightest interest? Damn, he really sucked.

Kurt steeled himself, knowing this would probably upset Finn more, but it needed to be said. He needed to understand. "You need to have some time to figure yourself out, Finn." His heart ached at the broken look that crossed Finn's face as he looked anywhere but at him. Biting back words of comfort, Kurt continued firmly. "I know how you feel about me," Finn stiffened, he leaned against the sink and seemed so much smaller. "But...nothing can come out of it if we get into a relationship at this point. You need to learn to love yourself before you can be with someone."

The knot was too big to let him speak. All he could do was nod; face scrunching up in the effort to not burst into tears. He couldn't stay here anymore. The bathroom was suddenly too small to both occupy him and Kurt. He felt like such an idiot. A big fucking idiot.

_Damnit._

And he was right.

Kurt watched apprehensively as the taller teen struggled to keep from crying. He was starting to regret ever saying anything. Maybe he was too strong in his approach. Finn was sensitive to these types of topics; he should have said something more encouraging.

"Um…" Finn sniffled, clearing his throat and keeping his gaze away from Kurt. "When you…you had that crush on me…was it…" his lip was starting to tremble. He cleared his throat again, and forced himself to relax, "was it…the idea of me or for just…me?"

Kurt froze, eyes wide in panic. It felt like an eternity passed with Finn waiting anxiously for his answer. He wanted to reply, but after everything he said, he wasn't sure how it would affect Finn. Staying quiet wouldn't make anything better either, not with the way Finn was looking more and more closer to crying again.

"I…" Kurt started, nervously picking at the hem of his wrecked shirt, "I loved everything about you," he said tightly, "but…as much as it would be nice to…" he stopped short. No, he couldn't be selfish. "Don't ask this from me. Please."

Finn nodded, looking away from Kurt. He was about to say more, but Finn cleared his throat again, "it's fine," he said hollowly, "I…missed my chance. I don't think I would have been good for you anyway – "

"That's not what I – "

"That came out wrong," he rubbed his face again, "I meant…" he laughed, "I don't know what I meant. I'm sorry." He pushed himself off the sink and left the bathroom. A few seconds later there was the distinct slam of the front door shutting.

Kurt was planted to the toilet, unable to find the strength to chase after Finn. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there until Mercedes finally slipped in and shut the door pointedly. He looked up at her tiredly, the little movements emitting pain all over his body. Apparently his fight with Puck was rougher than he thought.

"You mind telling me what happened out there?" his best friend asked not unkindly, but not gently either. He scoffed and shook his head.

"Puck just got to me, that's all," he replied emptily. Mercedes arched a brow, crossing her arms over her chest in that sassy way that told Kurt that she wanted more of an answer than that. Of course. He licked the cut on his lip, eye-watering pain shooting through his face at the small movement. "He talked about Finn," he ran a hand through his tussled hair, having no energy to care how messed up it was, "he's been watching me…he knows I still have feelings for Finn and…" he wanted to laugh, of all the ways for this to blow up; he didn't expect it to be like this. Puck never came into the equation until now. "He said I had a chance, but I'd be miserable anyway…he said so many things about Finn that I just got so angry…"

"What did he say?" Mercedes asked softly, leaning against the sink. The very spot Finn was on not just a few minutes ago. Kurt tried not to think about the disappointment in his face.

He laughed; it was so dry and bitter that he almost couldn't consider it a laugh. "You know, if I hadn't talked to Finn yesterday, I'd call bull to everything Puck said…I have a chance, Mercedes," he ended in a whisper, "I wasn't going to ruin it this time with poor planning and manipulation from others…"

Mercedes frowned, "But…?"

"But Puck's right," Kurt murmured more to himself, "as ready as I think I am to go into a relationship. Finn isn't. It's not knee jerk homophobia or the fear of getting caught…he just isn't ready. I don't know if he'll ever be. Not with me."

"I don't…" Mercedes looked at her friend uncertainly, "did white boy ask you out?"

"No. He…asked if my crush on him was serious or not, that he lost his chance, that he wouldn't have been good for me…I think that pretty much explains everything in big neon letters," he shut his eyes, leaning back against the toilet tank. He hated his life so much right now.

"I was right," she sounded anything, but triumphant. "And you turned him _down_?"

"I had to."

"Screw what Puck said!" she snapped, slapping a hand on the sink angrily. "Finn just gave you an opening and you pushed him away! What is wrong with you, boy?"

"Everything Puck said is true!" Kurt argued back, "I live with Finn, okay? I know exactly how our relationship will turn out if we ever get together. All of his relationships failed and it's affected him, his confidence is shot. What he needs to time to himself to recover."

"Honey, even you know that's not how he works – "

"Well, he needs to learn how to be his own person!" he snapped.

"How's he ever going to do that by himself – it's _Finn!_ What he needs is someone to give him direction – someone to show him that he's loved!"

"Mercedes – "

"He's not like you," Kurt scowled at this, "he needs you."

"As a _friend_ – "

"He's got plenty of friends," she hissed, swinging her hand and slapping her hip in frustration, "he's not the best with relationships, fine, but you can help him learn – "

"I'm not going to teach him how to cater to me or how to send me flowers and treat me like a god, I want him to do that on his own – "

"But – "

"I don't want him to forget me!" he yelled, cheeks red. Mercedes blinked at him, not expecting the explosion. "Did you see what happened with Quinn? He loved, her, but he didn't see that she cheated on him with Puck, he loved Rachel, but he never knew until the end that she was with Quinn. He's going to do the same to me!" He looked up at his friend pleadingly, "what if I end up looking for someone else once he start's ignoring me?"

Mercedes's frown softened. "And you're going to let Puck convince you that Finn's hopeless? Honey, I know I don't have much experience in relationships, but even I know that it's not going to be paradise on its own. You have to work at it."

"I'm not saying that I want Finn to be the perfect boyfriend," Kurt sighed, burying his face in his hands. "But look at what's happened to him, jumping from one relationship to the other? What if he's clingy or – "

"Kurt," Mercedes cut in with finality, "you're panicking for no reason, he wants _you_, we've been over this before, you want me to spell it out for you? And you're not going to cheat on Finn, you kind of already did that with Puck and look at how that turned out."

Kurt shook his head. His best friend's words battling with Puck's. It shouldn't have been much of a battle. Puck told him all those things because he was after something, yet at the same time, he wasn't completely wrong. Mercedes was approaching this with his best interest at heart and weeks worth of observation and theories under her belt, and she wasn't completely wrong in them either. One said Finn was terrible for him. The other said that would never be the case.

He had no idea what to think anymore.

"I'm terrified," he whispered before he could stop himself. He was so comfortable with loving Finn from afar. He may have slipped and tried to make his dream a reality, but in his heart he knew what he wanted could never be real. Finn was a fantasy, something that put a smile to his face when nothing else could.

Now, after settling into the idea that one day Finn might be his stepbrother, and if not, just a really good friend, he had to go and break the barrier and return his feelings.

Now with Puck and Mercedes whispering things on either side of his shoulders, all he wanted to do was walk into a corner and stay there until his brain decided to work again.

"Did I do the wrong thing?" he asked, turning to his friend helplessly.

She offered him a pitying smile, opening the door behind her. "He hasn't driven off yet, maybe you can catch him."

Kurt looked at the hallway leading out to the kitchen; the emptiness giving the impression that everyone left. He stood up and nearly fell over from the ache in his legs and the stiffness of his back. Mercedes righted him up. After sitting down so long with the tension of the fight and being in the same room as Finn, he wasn't surprised to feel a few bones crack.

Giving his friend a nod, he left the bathroom and snuck through the kitchen and past the living room. Rachel was still around, and probably still pissed at him, he didn't want to come across her and get another earful.

Thankfully no one was in the living room. With the muffled noises coming from the basement door it was easy to assume everyone had gone back downstairs. They were probably waiting for him.

He opened the front door and was met with unforgiving wind blowing past his bruised up face. His cut lip tingled.

Squinting through the blinding snow covered street, he jumped in surprise when he came face to face with Finn standing in the snow a few feet from the door. His eyes were red and puffy, but there were no tears on his cheeks.

"Uh…" Finn stuffed his reddened hands in his pockets, "is Rachel waiting?"

Kurt's breath caught in his throat. This was it. His chance. He could take it and risk getting hurt, or leave it and be tormented by the what if's.

"The fight was about you," he blurted out, immediately cursing himself right after. Finn blinked. The sadness from his eyes momentarily replaced with surprise and confusion. "He…he made some assumptions and I believed him…I still do, actually."

"What?" he was too confused to be upset now. Kurt was making no sense.

"I-it's not important, I just…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I'm just so confused and…fuck," he mumbled, stumbling all over himself. Finn remained quiet, trying to make sense of what he was trying to say. "Do you…" his throat tightened up, he tried to clear it away, but it only tightened further. His vision was starting to blur. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

Kurt barely held back jumping in surprise at the immediate answer. The sincerity in Finn's eyes so genuine that he became overwhelmed and looked down at the pure white snow. He couldn't stop the hysterical giggle, and ducked his head further to hide his blushing face.

"Kurt?"

Wiping his eyes, he braved himself to look up. Finn's face was flushed, pink from the cold. There were tears in his eyes again, but he didn't fight them off this time. He was afraid, but there was some hope in his eyes. It wasn't entirely depressing, and it was refreshing to see something other than sadness.

"I-I…" he swallowed thickly. He could do this. Finn already said it, now it was his turn. "I…" But it was stuck in his throat, driven by terror of the unknown future. Why was this happening to him now?

"Kurt, I know I screwed up," Finn said, breaking his inner struggle, "I'm probably going to screw up again, but…please. Give me a chance. I'll try to be a better person, I'll do anything – "

"I know you will," Kurt cut in tearfully, "you always try your best, I just don't want to screw you over either." He gasped. In two strides Finn was a hair from pressing flush against him, his hands on either side of his face, searching through his eyes as if asking them for an answer. Kurt held his breath, the warmth of Finn's hands sending flutters to his heart.

Their foreheads met, hot breath ghosting over each other's faces. Finn shut his eyes, a few more tears leaking out as a he smiled the first real smile in a long time. Kurt shuddered, unable to do anything but melt into Finn's arms as he held him close.

The tips of their noses brushed. Kurt breathed deeply, the sweet smell of Finn mingled with winter intoxicating. With trembling hands, he wrapped his arms around him, his warmth washing over him like a blanket. Their cheeks brushed, lips ghosted over shut eyelids.

Kurt knew they looked ridiculous, standing in the snow and rubbing their faces like a bunch of animals. But it felt amazing.

Beyond amazing.

He was in the arms of the boy he loved from afar. He was in heaven.

Kurt sucked in a breath when cold lips brushed over his.

This was happening. This was really happening.

Licking his lips in anticipation, he sighed happily against Finn and dived in.


End file.
